Trying to get past the hurt/rejection/ongoing hatred
We lived with my mother in law before she threw me out. I had a great relationship with her for 6 years.
When we lived together(same house divided into 2), I did everything for her. My bf went into hospital for open heart surgery and I made sure she attended each time.
I redecorated her house, supported her to appointments etc.
She discarded me and told my bf if he followed he would lose his inheritance.
Forward 2 1/2 years they still have no contact but mother in law now best friends with ex who destroyed my bf(financially, left him all the debt, alienated kids)
These 2 controlling narcissistic women have arranged for him to go and stay the weekend with ex and kids in former marital home, made the skids hate me and mil writes on FB about the skids lovely, wonderful mother and how they holiday in each other's houses are so close.
I'm really not coping with the rejection and nastiness after all the kindness I have shown mil and skids.
I just cannot get past all of this...it's eating me up because I want to do/say something.
I did e-Mail mil 6 months ago to apologise and offer the olive branch for my bf's sake but was ignored.
I feel helpless, alone, used and tortured.
Please can someone offer me some comfort and light?
I'm in a very dark place.
Thank you.
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As i said in a comment on
As i said in a comment on your last post, you have attached yourself to a toxic and failed family situation. The fact that your MIL is this way and is close with the ex, with all her toxicity, does not bode well. It sounds like your boyfriend is too weak, both physically and mentally, to deal with everything. From what i can tell, you aren't married and don't have kids with him. 7 years is a long time to be together, though, and may count as common law depending on where you live. Honestly, even with all the time you've put in, this situation sounds unlivable.
Are you sure he's not having
Are you sure he's not having an affair? He seems too okay with everything going on. I can't help but wonder if his mom sees hope for the "first family" and that's why she's supporting the crazy. Also, with you not being allowed to have contact, do the kids even know you are still around?
Hi,
Hi,
Thank you for all your support and thoughtful comments.
My b/f doesn't stand up to them, rather he just ignores them and goes into hiding.
He was bullied by his own father and used to take the brunt of the blame when his siblings had gone wrong.
He won't do confrontation. In a recent fight he blamed me for forcing the court cases on hun...he didn't want to go to court when she started denying access but I pushed him for his and the kids sake. I pushed the divorce also, and encouraged that he got his share of equity(in 6 years now), but because of that the ex hates me because she knew he wouldn't of fought for any of it!!!!??
I'm worn down by it all.....and I do feel like running and never turning back.....
You are the only one still
You are the only one still fighting for your relationship. It doesn't sound like any of these people are worth your energy and definitely not your sanity. It is sad for the kids that they have to live in this dysfunction, but you have no control here.
What keeps you there? He's
What keeps you there? He's allowing MIL and BM to conspire together to get him and BM back together, and to block his access to his kids. "He was bullied by his father" isn't the reason, it's that he's developed a very passive personality that only he, as an adult, can change, and it's not his parents' fault anymore.
I think you have to decide what you are willing to put up with and make decisions accordingly. But stop taking all this "rejection" personally, these are clearly disordered women who have no feeling or empathy for anyone.
Yes the skids do know I'm
Yes the skids do know I'm around S when my bf visited them last Sunday he made them say THANKYOU for their presents.
Two things that put you in a
Two things that put you in a lose, lose situation. The MIL and BM have teamed up against you. SO is a doormat. You cannot make someone do something they do not want for themselves.
Walk away, this situation will destroy you.
I really identify with this
I really identify with this poster. When BM is controlling and your partner's family is still very close with BM, you start to feel like you are just an unlikeable person. It happened to me, and it really has had a bad effect on my sanity and it's actually changed my personality.
I went to a family gathering for one of my friends yesterday and i felt so welcomed. Like, these people actually want me here! I felt self-conscious. Staying in a toxic situation will change you into someone you don't even recognize.
There has to be more to your life than power struggles, defensiveness, and shame. Go out and find something that's *yours.* Start small, like getting back in touch with old friends or developing a hobby. Work on your health. Fill your own "love bucket", because your home life is not doing it.
"These 2 controlling
"These 2 controlling narcissistic women have arranged for him to go and stay the weekend with ex and kids in former marital home"
And if he goes that would be it for me, no way! This shows no respect for you and your feelings. They are his kids why is he letting anyone tell him where he will see them?
I agree with this. If he
I agree with this. If he honestly goes and spends the weekend in the home that was theirs WITH BM... put a fork in it. This relationship is dead.
Not a chance in hell is any of that acceptable.