Make a run for it or stay?

New to this group and honestly glad I found it. Googled what to do or why I felt this way towards bf kids (ages 3 and 5). After reading some of the other blogs I don't feel like I'm a monster and realize it's a normal feeling. Story time starts..... so my boyfriend and I have dated for 6months he has a 3yr old son and 5yr old daughter, from his previous marriage. I have a 2 boys ages 14 and 13 from my previous marriage. We both knew we had kids before we gave it a shot. He has his kids 50/50, so any day he was off (works swing shift he had them) I have mine all the time but every other weekend ( the weekend he's off from work my sons are with their dad

So at first his kids were ok, they liked me, I liked them. I'd tell my boyfriend that we needed to take his kids to the park or to get icecream. I wanted to interact with them. Then I started spending more time with him and his kids and everything became different. By different I mean started noticing the behavior issues this kids had. I know kids will be kids, I remember wanting to pull my hair out with my own. But the kids for example if you said no more chocolate you've had enough and take it away, SD would cry, no joke she cried for 5 whole minutes and no one said hey stop crying or I'm going to put you in time out. My bf just sat there and the grandparents too, deep down I was about to get up and leave. Another instance the son just learned potty train. Tell me why we are at a family party/get together and instead of saying I need to go to the restroom, he just pulls his pants dowm and pees infront of my family and friends.... boy talk about embarrassing and bothersome. Another time where we going to drive thru and my bf has his hands full with the food and 2 drink carriers and both kids start whining that they want their food, they want it now. That goes on for a few minutes and bf finally tells them to wait until we get home because his hands are full, they just keep whining. He gives in and gives them their food while in my car! And that's how it always was, they'd cry untill they got their way.

It got worse, to the point I didn't want to hang out with my bf. We talked about how i felt and that he needed to discipline. Month amd half went by and kids are still running up and down my stairs, my halls. I can't even watch tv in my own home because the yelling and everything going on. He says he feels bad to get on to them cause they go to 2 different houses and what not. I shouldn't have to discipline them. My kids like kids like my bf but they say they're too much. Now its to the point I can't stand his children and I feel horrible for it. I literally laid in my bed the other day and thought "am I up for this, am I willing to give up my peace and quiet". Because its the kids way or no way. Now he's noticed that his kids are a handful and come to find out the BM will call him to come and get them cause she can't take it anymore... mind you these are her own kids.
Back ground info: my bf and I are both 30. He's amazing, wonderful, sweet and attentive to me and respectful to my kids so far. He hasn't been around mine as much as i have his.

Do I hit the dusty trail and run or stay? Help

#stepkids

Gympump123's blog
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I think you've seen all you

I think you've seen all you need to see. His kids are nigh-feral due to lack of parenting and your bf refuses to parent because he feel sorry for them. How do you think that is likely to pan out? Things are already going downhill, how much more can you stand?

Though you are not their parent, there is no reason why you can't have rules for your space. Rules are meant to be obeyed and your bf had better step up.

No eating or drinking in my car
No running in my home
Pick up after yourself
No yelling in my home
No slamming doors in my home
Etc.

Just for starters.

Now, to go back to what I said at the beginning of this post, how do you imagine life 5 years down the line? Sometimes love is not enough ...

Lord NO I don't see myself in

Lord NO I don't see myself in that mess in 5 years. I thought about it long and hard and decided to walk away and called it quits last week. I dodged a bullet!! Thank you for advice

Good for you! Mind you, I bet

Good for you! Mind you, I bet that experience made you appreciate your life with your kids a whole lot more!

He's not amazing. He's

He's not amazing. He's ruining his children's lives because he wants them to like him. He "feels bad" that they go to two different houses, so he plans to ensure they will never be functional adults. Also, he couldn't care less if you are annoyed, enraged or embarrassed, as long as he doesn't have to risk his children being upset with him. All of that adds up to really far from amazing. It's incredibly selfish, actually.

ETA: I'm trying to picture the look on DH's face if SS had ever whipped out his tallywhacker and peed on the floor - at someone else's house, no less! SS would have regretted that immensely.

You know, I really didn't see

You know, I really didn't see it that way. But you are definitely right!! He's good to me ( treating wise) but bad parenting. And indeed its adds up and the last thing I'd want is to bust and be hateful to all of them.
thanks for your opinion, it's been helpful!

Right, part of being a good

Right, part of being a good partner is caring how your kids affect your partner. He hasn't shown any care about how it affects you to have these wild beasts in your home - he thinks only of himself and "feeling bad". You can't separate the two things when it comes to blended families.

Right again! You're on a roll

Right again! You're on a roll! This has taught me that I shouldn't date single parents. I guess it's just not for everyone.

He's not being a parent to

He's not being a parent to these children, he's being a person who sits on the sideline and watches them do whatever they want...do you have the time and energy to not only raise him to be a better father, but to also raise his kids? If your answer to that is yes then proceed with caution understanding what you are getting yourself in to. If the answer is no, perhaps live apart and just date until he grows up.

No the answer is NO. I barely

No the answer is NO. I barely have time and energy for my own 2. I don't need a boy, I need a man.
Thank you for advice!

You are living together after

You are living together after dating for 6 months? that seems like a big rush and neither of you have fully had time to get to know one another much less your respective kids.

Both of you likely have valid complaints about the other's children. Your BF's kids are younger... he doesn't understand your kids. His kids are younger and it doesn't sound like their behavior is really all that abnormal. (kids aren't able to regulate their ability to wait to eat for example).. and crying.. making a potty training error.. all fairly normal things. It does sound like he is not that inclined to step up quickly.. but let them whine it out for a bit.. but that does not necessarily mean they will become horrible people.

But, the biggest issue is that after only 6 months of dating.. things aren't working out any more for you. you don't like his kids. You don't respect his parenting. He apparently is not the man you thougth.. so try again... let this one go.

Good grief No, not living

Good grief No, not living together! We just go over to each other's place. But they come more to mine. I could not live with someone and bring my kids to that with only dating 6 months in. He lacks on parenting skills and I'm not about to parent for my bf and the BM. I done my share with my own, plus my patience isn't like before.

thank you for the comment, appreciate it!

You've done the young kid

You've done the young kid thing. Presumably you raised your kids with manners and basic civility, and I'd bet that even with good parenting your teens can be a handful. Because they're teens (aka little aliens).

Now, imagine your BFs kids as teenagers, like yours are now. The whining turns into foul mouthed demands. They're physically bigger and it's harder to manage space and all their stuff. They are defiant. And they cost more money. If your BF won't parent now, when it's relatively easy, imagine what it will be like in 10 years.

Don't think I'd stick around for that.

I agree. OP, you have put in

I agree. OP, you have put in the time with your kids and they are just getting to an age where you can have some freedom. You have saddled yourself with a man with two very young children with bad behavior that he won't correct. Also, with a BM who calls him when she is stressed and can't take it anymore. That fact is most alarming to me. They don't have boundaries with the kids or each other. BMs like this have a tendency to drop off screwed up teens at Daddy's door to have full time when they have finally had enough.

This is a mess. You will get all the aggravation of their mess and none of the rewards. And you will likely get put in the position of cleaning up after all 4 of them, figuratively and literally (gross, pee on the floor!) This sounds awful.

I'm not the best person to give advice because i'm 2 years in with a sort of similar situation and i have worked and worked, bitched/complained/cried and had changes made and i'm still here. I have to say, though, i'm worn out and becoming bitter and angry. I think maybe you will be too if you stay and deal with this.

You are 100% right, I've done

You are 100% right, I've done my share with the young kid thing. My boys aren't perfect but I want to say they're ok. They clean their own room and bathroom since they were 8, cause I got tired of them missing toilet and me cleaning. Ask me if they miss now? NO, because they have to clean it. They help with their laundry (washing and putting it away) take turns mowing, wash their dishes and clean up after themselves. Don't get me wrong I still have to get on to them about their grades every now and then or tell them "hey clean up your room". Wouldn't even have more of my own for that matter. My kids are at teen stage, but thank god its not the back talking and mouthy because luckily they know better and that I'm not putting up with that.

As I'm sitting at the orthodontist with my youngest son I pictured his kids as teenagers and I can definitely see foul languange, disrespectful behavior towards me, because in their mind it's well you're not my mom and everyone else lets me get away with anything. Geez no thanks! I ended things with him. I'm sooo glad I got opinions from all of y'all that have commented. It's tough out here in the dating world.

You are raising functional

You are raising functional adults, he is not. Your kids will likely move out and be independent in a reasonable time frame. His will not, they will almost surely always be dependent and a thorn in your side. I'm assuming their mother is an equally bad parent, since they haven't seemed to learn even basic life skills for their age.

Pre-Instruction Books for Relationships

Before getting into ANY kind of relationship, there should be required reading.

This site should be required visiting for ANYONE considering a relationship with someone with children.

Ive no bios of my own, and only came here after about 2-3 years of steplife.

If you are interested in my challenges, I challenge you to read my blogs. LOL. 15.5 year old Feral Forger isnt much better than she is today at 21. Munchkin has made it worthwhile - everyone likes her. She is sweet and kind and cleans up after herself. Smart. Funny. We enjoy each others company.

Thats not something that happes all the time. The horror stories that you have just told. I do not know if they are the norm, but well, glad that you came here and posted.

Best Wishes!!!!

Your BF is a shitty father

Your BF is a shitty father period. The kid's behavior problems are due to him and the kid's mother shitty parenting.

If they don't start correcting their poor parenting you are going to have kids/teens your size throwing tantrums. I would not have married my husband if he did not parent. There are so many issues that come with blended families that we can't control but for him to choose not to because it's too hard would be a deal breaker for me. Can you imagine their mom dropping off feral teens at your door step? ugggghhhhh

Ask him to make real changes or leave him before you start getting PTSD from their poor behavior. Also, stay clear of the parenting and don't let your bf make you the scape goat.

No, we have to behave bc gympump123 wants you to. No we can't have sweets bc gympump123 says. No we have to shower bc gympump123 says... You have teens so you know it's not easy but he is creating unemployable adults who will end up in your basement as adults.

I think this and another

I think this and another comment hit the nail on the head. Because neither can parent and feel like kids are a sack of potatoes that can be thrown around. I'm barely having a little more freedom since mine are older. And can behave in public. One thing that gets under my skin is being at a restaurant and when kids are crying and their parents don't say nothing, like I'm trying to enjoy my meal, can you please hush your kid. His child done that and nothing was said from him, should've took that as a red flag and ran. I ended things and after getting point of views from here, I'm glad I did.