Stupid Ex and Stupid Covid
My husband and I got married right as the lockdown in the US took off. As a matter of fact, we were a little unsure we would make it home from our honeymoon. Long story short both my husband and myself and "essential employees". I work in the ER and my husband is a diesel mechanic for a family business that doesn't ever close.
My husbands ex originally said she wasn't going to kee my SD from him due to COVID as that was unfair (we have joint physical Custody). Things we going ok. We attempted to abide by all her rules and didn't leave the house with her. However now- 8 months into this whole shit show, she doesn't want SD over here this week because we went to a small wedding this weekend. Small as in my husbands family whom he works with everyday. As someone who works in healthcare everyday- if she should be concerned about contact with anyone, it should be me. But she is so uneducated when it comes to these COVID restrictions that she is blond to what she allows and what she doesn't.
For me it will be a nice long vacation away from the 11year old brat. But I honestly feel bad for my husband because he genuinely is being robbed of time with daughter, over and over again.
Step Parenting is a real joy!
Sigh...
Maybe with the vaccinations starting, this whole covid thing will soon be a memory. Then we can all go back to our NORMAL step craziness. Lol.
...I thought custody orders
...I thought custody orders were enforcable during the Pandemic/Lockdown Phase. Unless there's a random state that did something different than what I read which is completely possible. I'm about 90% positive that she can't withhold the child from him because of Covid unless she or someone in the household has actually tested positive and then the household with the positive would quarantine. So if that's the case and you don't live in a state that's the exception to the rule, your DH needs to file contempt on bm for withholding visitation. Much won't come of it but it might shake her enough to stop with the games and it might clarify to her what she can and can't do when it comes to the pandemic.
Well, she's not wrong - small
Well, she's not wrong - small gatherings acount for the most significant spread of COVID right now. In my area, they determined from contact tracing that 74% of the spread here is from small gatherings. Unless you work on a COVID unit, you are far safer at work in health care, where everyone is wearing PPE.
That being said, she doesn't have the right to withhold SD, legally. But why not let her keep SD for the week on the off chance that you were exposed, since weddings are high-risk right now? You say it's your husband's family and he sees them every day, but I'm guessing there were guests there that he doesn't see every day. And if people weren't wearing masks, then BM is correct to be concerned.
My whole irritation with this
My whole irritation with this is everything she says is so hypocritical. She can go take her to a baby shower, do whatever, but suddenly we are the ones that are not taking Covid seriously.
Fair enough!
Fair enough!
Maybe you should not have
Maybe you should not have married someone with an ex like this and a step daughter whom you refer to as a brat.
Have you dealt with 11 year
Have you dealt with 11 year old girls these days? The attitude is real, and rather bratty. I'm sorry that I get frustrated- I'm 35 weeks pregnant with my own little girl, and I'm sure at 11 years old I'll call her a brat as well.
NOPE. Please don't be one of
NOPE. Please don't be one of those "you knew what you were getting into" people. Custody agreements change, kids change, serious issues come up. Yes, kids can become brats.
I met SD when she was 5 and DH has FULL custody. She was difficult at times, but DH was able to raise her how he saw fit.
When she was 8 custody changed. Unstable BM came into the picture (AFTER we married) and made our lives hell. She has SD now 10, completely brainwashed. We have her 50/50 now. SD has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ADHD, and oppostional defiance disorder. Don't tell me that WE KNEW this is how things were before we got married.
I'm sure the OP didn't know (like so many step-moms on here) how many difficult situations can come up and change.
.
I too enjoy breaks from my SO's kid; like now when winter break messes up the normal every other week schedule. But SO feels robbed, like you described with your husband. So I get ya there.
Our situation with COVID is reversed though. We are working from home, but his ex has people over to the house (family and neighbors), goes out with no masks on, and who know what else. So kid comes here every other week and we have no idea what he's been exposed to.
Trying to deal with stupid people in a normal circumstance is hard enough, so adding in a pandemic,doesnt make it any better. If your husband's ex truly understood what was going on, to your point, she should have been freaked out about the possible (and continued) exposure from your jobs. If you try to explain that to her though... she might be like... you're right! And then try to keep your SD away longer.
Like you said, mixed situations like this are a real "joy". Hang in there!
We are in a quandary with
We are in a quandary with this covid thing too. Trying to stay safe as we are both in our 50s, I am asthmatic too. But my husband's ex takes their kids to London each week to stay with her boyfriend who is a Doctor in A&E! They go to pubs for meals, see othrr families, basically no concern for others at all who might be more susceptible. And especially not the emorional needs of her children (10 and 8 yrs). I do feel for them as its an awful situation and the boyfriend must need her like mad right now. But, as she has chosen that bubble, we have made the decision not to have the children here while covid has all got out of hand. We skype and talk, read stories etc as often as they want it. The ex is not at all understanding and thinks its ok for us to accept this huge risk. I also read that London was being told to stop mixing any household, which she is ignoring too. At the end of the day, the children are completely ok with how we are keeping in contact, as much as we miss each other but needs must. They are always happy and normal on our calls, so not rocking the boat. For the sake of sacrificing a few more months, we can at least hope we will be around in the future years. Does not stop the huge guilt though.