Present from HER not skids
Finding this very hurtful I'm feeling sick. Skids said present was bought by her and not them. Things SHE knew he likes from previously. It makes me think she's saying " you're still mine..."
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He need to return the gift
He needs to return the gift and tell her it's inappropriate and he doesn't want any more. She's trying to get him back, and if he doesn't set strong limits, you have a decision to make.
If he's afraid to do that because she will cut him off from his kids, then this will all just continue and get worse. Don't stick around to watch that.
A lot of people were telling
A lot of people were telling this OP to just let it go, but i honestly don't see how she can. BM insists he visit the kids in the former marital home, OP is not allowed to go, and now this? I realize that OP doesn't have a lot of options if her DH won't set boundaries, but "just don't think about it" wouldn't work for me and it doesn't seem to ne working for her. It sucks.
BM in control
Shes staking out her territory and as long as BF goes along with it, she will always have this power.
Boundaries need to be created and enforced. They dont like it, and will resist.
Is there a legal custody order that she has to follow? Generally kids cannot decide not to see a parent. But if there is no visitation order, there isnt much your BF can do. Are they older? Over 18?
This really sucks, that they have been poisoned against you, after 7 years. Im 7.5 years in and the younger SD14 and I have a d relationship. But Feral Forger SD21 has been poisoned against me and shes just bad all around.
No gifts from BM. Its a boundary that your BF needs to enforce.
He won’t send presents back or e-mail
Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your messages and advise.
Bf will not send presents back or e-Mail ex
There was a court order in place 3 years ago for visits to ours one weekend a month, every other Christmas and half holidays.
In the August of following year skids had a lovely week with us, we all went stand-up paddle boarding for the first time. SSvwho was 9 went back full of it to BM. When my partner went to collect them after that, SS would cling to his mother's leg hysterically and refuse to come. The following March SD (just turned 12)wrote her dad a letter saying she wouldn't be coming to ours anymore as too scared/tired.
My partner spiralled into depression. I kept insisting that we neededan Enforcement Order but we just fought all the time and I backed off.
So for over last 2 years bf has had very limited contact. Phone calls(strained), but we always sent presents etc for Birthdays/Christmas.
Sundays visit was the first time he'd had physical contact in over 2 years. They only want to see him, on their territory. He did not go into house just took them out.
The gifts they gave him were apparantly from them, but BM had gone and bought them. Like I said they were quite personal to him. The Christmas card was addressed to him only. He asked them why my name was not in card, and they just shrugged their shoulders.
I am considering sending gifts back as don't want them here, with a letter to BM outlining what damage she is doing to skids, making them disrespect their dad, disrespect/hate their dads life partner and disrespecting/denying them a proper relationship with their dad in his own home?
I just can't sit here and continue to let this happen!!
Bf cannot do confrontation, he is a simple man with simple needs.... it's me who's the fighter.
Please don't send the gifts
Please don't send the gifts back because they are not yours to dispose of. Also, if you write to her, you will just add fuel to her alienation campaign. I know you don't want to but I would step back and let your bf handle this, after all, it's his battle, not yours.
And, yes, I do understand how outraged you are but you can't fight his battles for him.
I agree with Winter
as frustrated and angry as you are, you can't fight his battles for him. This sounds like a very difficult and heartbreaking situation for you both, and probably for the skids as well. But if your partner can't get his motivation in place to fight for visitation or return inappropriate gifts, you doing it for him seems like a band-aid solution on a much bigger problem. He's gotta fight for his kids, and if he's not up to it, then it doesn't sound like there will be much of a relationship for him to have.
This would be killing me too, I do understand how frustrated you are. I just don't want you spinning your wheels and getting even more angry. We have to let go of the things we cannot control. Don't we?
He has options
He has options he just needs to use them. If she is violating a court order and he truly wants to see his kids based on that court order they previously agreed to he needs to take her back to court for violating the order. It sounds he was emotionally manipulated for years and now he feels stuck when he really does have other options than just letting her control everything.
Also boundaries must be set by him because she's not going to listen to anything else. As long he's okay with the way things are going nothing will change. He has to decide to take this back to court to get any real results if he wants his kids in his life without the ex involved in every decision. The kids may not like him now but it'll take time especially if things are back consistent and following the order. But yea the toughest part is that he has to do all of this or nothing will change truly.