Isolation and dread
My partner is being forced to see the kids (after 7 years divorce) on HER terms.
After me having a fabulous, close and loving relationship with the skids I am now discarded m. Apparantly for no known reason they hate me.
Life with them looks like it will never be the same. I am full of anxiety every time my bf says he's going to visit because there are only 2 options... stay with her in the fmh or walk them round the high street for a couple of hours in the freezing cold and spend pointless money.
I wish I could stop feeling like c**p and be happy for him, but it's turned out family dynamic upside down because that's what SHE wants.... and whatever SHE wants, SHE gets.
Please advise how I can move forward?
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Why are those the only
Why are those the only options? Doesn't your boyfriend have a court order? If not, why not?
Are you sayng BM is coming into
Are you sayng BM is coming into your house!
Checking
Checking
Partner has a court order
Partner has a court order which has been flaunted. We should of gone for breach but he couldn't face it.... then his 12 year old daughter sent him a letter saying she didn't want to come and stay at ours anymore as too scared/tired!!???
My partner who is a pushover to them anyway, spiralled into depression. I knew this would happen but I failed to get him on board.
We live 2 1/2 hours drive away so no chance of BM popping in, although she takes skids to estranged mother in law which is 4 hours away, but never brought the kids here!!??
I'm not coping with being totally ousted out, hated and made to be the one who caused all the problems. I feel so alone.
What can I do?
You give your partner a swift
You give your partner a swift kick up the arse and tell him to pull himself together. A 12 yo doesn't get to decide. Couldn't face going for breach of CO but willing to mope forever because he doesn't see his daughter? Can't he see how remarkably stupid that is? Sign him up for therapy ASAP before his moping gets any worse.
Tell him to stand up for himself. Children need their fathers too. They don't need lily-livered men who wimp out when the going gets rough. Here's what he should do. He stops wringing his hands. He takes a deep breath. He goes to collect her regardless and he tells bm that it's up to her to come and collect her after visitation. There is absolutely no reason (unless, of course, it' written in the CO) why he should do all the transportation given the distance. Was it bm or your partner who moved away?
Good luck to you. It can't be easy putting up with all of this. Hugs.
Moved to cheaper area
We actually moved in with other in law because she wanted to help my partner get back in his feet after being totally destroyed in his divorce. We were able to start saving for a deposit so we could eventually buy our own home.
But after my bf came out of hospital after major ooen heart surgery she started turning on me.
9 months in and she threw me out.
Your DH should insist on
Your DH should insist on following the court order and NOT be staying with BM. By doing so he is disrespecting your marriage. I'm sorry you are going through this.
12 is an age where kids
12 is an age where kids become super manipulative. Before my SD12 turned about 10 is was all BM doing the alienation, now it's baked in and SD12 does it herself complete with adding ridiculous stipulations and demands to every visit.
The thing is my DH would NEVER agree to backtrack on progress and visit at BMs house. We also do the thing where we will get get SD for the day and go to a mall or shopping (I agree how much this costs too) but my DH would never leave me a home for this unless I didn't want to go. If your DH is tossing you aside after all these years that is a huge problem. If you want to go with him you should go!
I think the two options were suggested because BM knows your DH will say no. SD12 once asked that my DH drive 2.5 hours to have brunch with her but then return her to her mom. He said no. 5 hours of round trip driving was too much to justify the privilege of taking SD out to an overpriced breakfast.
Sometimes I think they just make dads jump through hoops because they want them to say no, if they say no then they're the bad guy.
He's finally visiting this
He's finally visiting this Sunday. He's treading carefully, carefully so going alone. But I did say I'd like to join him after the first 2-3 visits so he can re-establish his damaged relationship. I asked him not to ask the skids if they'd like to see me, as I know they'll say no. I'll just go and they can deal with it. I know it's not them but their jealous, spoilt m, manipulative and controlling mother.
Yep, and he's giving her just
Yep, and he's giving her just what she wants, a cowering and submissive ex who will do whatever she wants just to see his kids. He really needs to find his spine.
Sounds like he could benefit
Sounds like he could benefit from some counseling. Between his mom and his ex, there's a lot of dysfunction and it doesn't sound as if he's coping well.
BTW, draw some boundaries about spending BEFORE he goes.