Still pissed
Background:
two kids with DH (2 and a half, 11 mo) His kids live here as primary 16, 17)
my husband was away on a business trip for months. his kids were with mom. he was too busy to really talk on the phone, told me he was picking his kids up Monday, so imagine my suprise when his ex wife pulls into my driveway yesterday with the kids. I wasn't dressed, the kids don't have keys, one baby is screaming bloody murder and I am wrangling the toddler, and BM is like well I spoke to DH yesterday..nice.
I've been pissed since. Am I wrong? its been 11 years of making arrangements with his ex wife and I am supposed to roll with it. He gets mad that I am mad. his reasons: I was busy, ok, I forgot to tell you, they live here, you are crazy, get a divorce then.
Now I feel defeated. I don't want to talk to the SK, I am exhausted from my own kids, I have to suck this up somehow but its like a reminder how I come last, BM and his kids come first, and again I have to eat my resentment.
I am in therapy but, I don't want to do anything anymore.
Your DH sounds like an
Your DH sounds like an insensitive jerk, quite frankly. At least the skids are old enough that you can just let them do their own thing, but there is no reason why he can't inform you of a change in plans, and you know, ask if it's okay with you.
If DH ever told me to just get a divorce when I brought up real concerns, I'd take him up on that. But I don't have two young kids, and I assume you aren't working? Can you go stay with your parents for a while and figure out what you want to do? You sound depressed.
Wait your husband wasn't even
Wait your husband wasn't even home and had BM drop off his kids at your house without giving you any notice? Any sane person realizes the issue.
When your fights with your spouse start going into "well I can't read your mind" territory it meansbthey are either insane or don't respect you at all. Do with that information what you will... He offered divorce and I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else lined up already from this long business trip.
Is he in therapy? If you're in therapy to help you deal with the disfunction of the person around you that's not the point of therapy. It supposed to be bettering yourself. Better yourself right on out of there. Sometimes time apart like his business trip make you realize how nice life can be without them. Did you look forward to him coming home or did you dread it? There answer to what to do with your marriage is right there.
Just say NO
No DH means NO SK. SK are only at your home when DH can parent them.
Confused
Dosn't the reference to "live here as primary" mean that this is their regular home? I looked to me as if they had been away visiting their (bio)mother and had come home a day earlier than their (step)mother expected.
I'd be very pissed too. Your
I'd be very pissed too. Your DH sounds very inconsiderate. There's no excuse for him not letting you know (or better yet consulting you) about his kids returning before he did.
You should have never
You should have never answered the door.
I would have told DH to go
I would have told DH to go kick rocks!
Take the divorce
He's basically told you hell do what he wants when he wants re his kids, so this won't end unless you take him up on the offer to be shot of them all. Plus if he's away for months you're already managing on your own just fine hey
Sounds like DH and BM found a
Sounds like DH and BM found a free babysitter.
These are not your kids and not your responsibility. Dont answer the door. If Biomon or DH squak, remind them child care IS THIER RESPONSIBILITY!! And if the plan is to have you be the care provider even if its only for a few minurets, you need to be included in that decision. They have ZERO right to make the decision for you . ZIP, ZERO, ZILCH.
The kids live there. Where do
The kids live there. Where do they supposed to go if dad isn't home? Stay outside? They just came home. No one even needs to be home for them to come home. And why do people talk about babysitters? For 16 and 17 year old???
yes dad is being a jerk for not communicating and being rude but how can stepparents not allow kids to enter the house they live full time???