I've never been so pissed at BM
Background- arrangement was 50/50, however, since school is 100% online right now BM agreed to every other weekend and having her for homeschooling. She hardly works right now and said her schedule is completely flexible.
She asked yesterday if she could drop off SD since she doesn't have school today. Well this morning SD shows up with her school laptop and said yes, she DOES have school. So basically BM lied to get me as her free babysitter.
DH is calling out BM on it right now, do we'll see how this drama ensues?
ETA: she just came and picked her up and was f'ing smirking. Also, when she was texting DH she tried to tell him it was my fault because I "gave her the okay." Yeah, I gave her the okay with the understanding that she had no school and therefore wouldn't interfere with my schedule. Ugh.
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In the future, the answer is
In the future, the answer is NO.
"Sorry BM, you lied. I have to work outside the house, and Jcksjj isn't your free babysitter."
That's all your DH needs to say.
I'm debating if we should
I'm debating if we should make her come pick her up now as a deterrent?
The problem with BM picking
The problem with BM picking SD now is that this implies the child is a "burden" to both households. That's not fair to the kid. Trust me my DH has an irresponsible BM, its annoying but choose a different battle.
Nah, this is a hill to die on
Nah, this is a hill to die on for me. Im not gonna be the doormat. BM needs to put SD before herself, not me (and my own kids). And DH has no option since BM also does not want to have her in daycare.
By no means was I suggesting
By no means was I suggesting being a doormat, nor was I saying it's ok that BM lied. Simply saying if this is going to stay your family dynamic, I can guarantee there will be a more significant moment to go to battle with with her.
I mean probably she will, but
I mean probably she will, but given past experience with her the best way to keep it at bay for awhile is to fully stand up to her.
Not that she's a burden, that
Not that she's a burden, that OP can't help with the school work because OP has young children to watch.
I mean, I'm not the one lying
I mean, I'm not the one lying to someone who isn't her parent about her having school so I don't have to deal with her.
Call BM and say, I'm sorry,
Call BM and say, I'm sorry, there is school and I'm unable to help with that - what time can you be here to pick her up?
I get your frustration
I get your frustration buuuutttt... with 50/50 your DH should take some responsibility with her schooling. NOTICE I SAID YOUR DH.
I would also just email the school and tell them she is not feeling well and DH and BM can figure out her assignments later if she can't handle being in classes on her own. I feel like at this point in the year, you really shouldn't have to do anything for her.
I would agree BUT technically
I would agree BUT technically BM has 100% custody. She's the one who wanted to stay out of court at any cost (I suspect it has something to do with not wanting a legit dna test, but that's another story). So any custody is basically spoken agreement, and this year the spoken agreement was she has her during distance learning. She can't have her cake and eat it too - staying out of court to retain complete freedom of the schedule and then backtrack on it when its convenient for her.
Plus, if she needed help
Plus, if she needed help today, she could have been honest and told you so, and maybe DH could have taken the day off or you would have agreed. Lying about there being no school is unacceptable.
Exactly. I've been flexible
Exactly. I've been flexible and she's damn lucky with how things have been. There was no reason to do that. Shes the exact same as SD - they just enjoy manipulating people even when it's unnecessary.
That would be her free one. Never again.
Cant stand anyone who lies.
Sorry about this.
Same. If she would've been
Same. If she would've been honest about it would've been different. But trying to manipulate me into doing something for her - nope.
I hope BM just burned her
I hope BM just burned her bridge with you. Any future requests should be NO. Unless your DH is there.
IMO, he should also let BM know that he is prepared to go to court. Stop catering to that B.
She knows he is and that's
She knows he is and that's why she backs off quickly if the manipulation doesn't work. I reaaaallly think there's a reason she doesn't want to that she won't say.
The threat will work for a
The threat will work for a time - and that time is when the person threatened realizes there is no follow-through. BM will continue to play her games until he actually takes her to court. Fingers crossed this works for you two, hon. *give_rose*
Surprisingly there's been no
Surprisingly there's been no games for a few years - but now that she's single and less people to use again I suppose she needs to go back to us for targets.
Ah, the "I'm single and bored
Ah, the "I'm single and bored so let the games begin" caca. Yippee. *boredom*
Yep. Plus she's angry and
Yep. Plus she's angry and resentful that DHs life turned out better than hers. Im sure she's not self aware enough to realize why that's her own fault.
I would say "Sorry, we were
I would say "Sorry, we were under the impression that SD did not have school today. We are unable to assist with schooling today. We will need you to come pick her up ASAP." THANKS
Truth will then come out about what BM is really doing. Then if she "can't" pick her up, just let SD know whatever her plans are. "Sorry your mom is doing ______ now and can't come pick you up to help with school." Put it back on her. DON'T let her make you the bad guy in this scenerio.
I did have her come pick her
I did have her come pick her up. And amazingly she was able to within a half hour.