Certainly sounds like he's not pulling his weight. He needs to go get a job, even if it's in a grocery store, and start bringing in some income to your home. And you should stop paying anything for his kids' transportation and his medical debt. 

You will find out quickly if you are being used once you shut off the spigot and demand that he gets a job of some kind. I have a friend with a law degree who has never worked as an attorney, but has a good-paying job as some sort of consultant to a large well-known business. Jobs are out there. 

Honey, you are not the first person who thought they were getting a good deal on the car lot only to realize you bought a lemon..

I'm sure it was all very reasonable and believable at first.. law student... prospects of a good career.. no kids or EX banging on the back door to deal with all the time.

But, what you have on your hands is a forevery teenager that has decided the couch in a home you pay for is the most comfortable perch to watch the world go by.

Look,  I get it, he may have had dreams for himself to be in the courtroom bringing home the bucks.. and he has found that is a dream that is not as siimple as he imagined.  That could definitely be depressing.. but he needs to stop crying about it.. brush himself off and decide what he will do about it.  There are tons of resources and review classes etc.. for people seeking certifications.. maybe he needs that extra help?  Even if he did it once.. maybe 2nd or third time is the charm?  I passed the CPA exam on my first go but I also spent about 4 months studying daily and attending review classes on the weekends... so I didn't just get it done with my brilliant mind and a prayer.

I think you need to have a serious talk about this.  You have legit concerns.. and he is well past the point where he needs to lick his wounds and decide if he is going to live or die.. choice is his.. but what his choice is will determine whether you are willing to stick around and watch.

Your husband sounds like an actual dead beat. Couldn't be bothered to go to court for the children. Off work not looking for more no unemployment so I doubt he is paying anything in cs and is probably horribly behind. Now he can't even pay for their plane tickets yikes. As for the homeschooling ah I would break on that on that one I find it useless the kids aren't going to learn anyway so why force it 

I've supported more than one man for three years or more twice.  I'm a true crime afficianado.  I used to work at the police department for many years so that kind of stuff fascinates me.  I was reading up on the Chris Watts case  and I found this pyschiatrist/therapist lady on youtube.  Her channel is called Live Abuse Free.  I liked her so much I watched every single one of her videos.  She really goes into depth why people like us end up with men like this and that how you break how of this abuse cycle because it is abuse.  They sense that we are vulnerable and that we want love so desparately and they move in for the kill.  Watch her videos on narcissism and just read some of the titles and you'll find ones that fit you.

So many times these divorced Dads get remarried to dump responsibilities on their new partner. Don't fall for it. Don't pick up his responsibilites. I used to try to do the same and it only led to resentment all around. I would get on SD about hygeine, school, screentime, etc. It damaged our relationship because BM and DH were in a competition of who could be the more "fun" parent. 

We are expecting our own kid in April 2021. I have definitely voiced "With our kid..." Don't bite your tongue. Made it known with what you disagree with. And how you would parent differently. With YOUR child it absolutely your place and your say how you want to raise them. DH and I have had many discussions of "Well, this is how I feel, but you and BM need to decide..." or he would say "I agree, I shouldn't have to bribe with allowance..." or "SD already doesn't like coming over here, so I don't want to keep punishing her..." His logic is TOTALLY flawed when it comes to co-parenting. I personally think it is different in you were to raise a child in an "in tact" home. There is no competition, there is no where else for a kid to "prefer"... it's just a different dynamic. 

I have 100% voiced there will be a consistent bed time, consequences for not completing school work, having to EARN screentime and there be limits, etc. etc. I mean I feel these are the BASICS of parenting.

It is not your job to parent his kids. Their failures are NOT a reflection of you as a step-parent. I had a hard time accepting that for a long time. My SD10 has parents. Their failures affect their child. I cannot be the only one who cares and sets limits. It's not my place. And I refuse to stress about it now. 

Ooof, the old bait and switch. I'm so sorry.

Why isn't your husband working, or looking for work? COVID is a convenient excuse, but it's just an excuse. He has a law degree for goodness sake. He can't practice as an attorney since he didn't pass the bar (LOTS of people don't pass the bar the first time, many not the second time, and many not the third time), but he's got lots of good skills and he's obviously got a brain assuming he graduated from a reputable. law school. I have several friends with law degrees working in highly paid jobs, but not as attorneys.

He needs to get off his a$$ and contribute to the household and to his children, and I'm not talking financially. Could be he's overwhelmed and depressed, so that might need to be addressed as well. Could be he's waiting for his "dream" job to walk in the front door. Nope, couch surfing is for teenagers, not for grown men with children and a spouse.

It'd be my hill to die on, no question.

Is there any child support being paid to the BM?  There's no way you should be paying anything for his kids or his half of the bills.  He can get a job at a grocery store ...seems they're really desperate for people.

Here is what i would do...........let the bills go and start stashing YOUR paycheck.

Dont pay for a grocery runs, dont pay for lights, or cable, nothing that is NOT in your name only. Go to your cell phone provider and seperate the account---what ever you have to do to ditch paying his shit. Feed yourself even that means eating cheap drive thru for a month.

Are you renting the home/condo OR paying a mortgage? Who's name is it in?

Goal for you is to stash as much of your pay check as possible. So you can find a 1bedroom place for YOU.

God I HOPE you are not paying his child support too. IF you are knock it off.

Screw Christmas buying too.

Sorry to also hear he doesnt give a hoot about his kids school work. Neither should you---that is his and BM's concern.

Remember, stash all of your cash and focus ONLY on your exit.

It sure sounds like you're being used.  What are you getting out of the relationship?  If the answer is not much, why not cut your losses?  Leave this deadbeat father, lousy provider and poor partner before he ruins your finances and self esteem.

Both my parents are successful lawyers - one practices law, the other moved to the business side after practicing for 20 years.  They work VERY hard and have for many years, and that's why they've done well.  A man who fails out of law school, fails the bar and can't even show up to court for the custody hearing of his own children, is lacking either the intelligence or the drive (or maybe both) to be a successful lawyer.  If you decide he's worth continuing your marriage, kick his butt off the couch and tell him to find a job in a field where he can be successful.  ASAP.

You have several tense situations merging right now.  All of them the direct result of a failed man, failed father, and failed husband.  I get the cancer drama, I get the struggles in finishing a degree while going through a divorce, I get the disappointment of failing the Bar.  I get all of that. 

What I don't get is this guy abdicating his responsibilities as a man, husband, and father at the most critical times for him to step up. 

Whatever you do, do NOT have children with this guy.  His parental failures are clear and you do not want him polluting your own gene pool.  If having children is important to you, find a quality father for your children.

Good luck. 

He could get a damn job. Law firms would snap him up to work as a paralegal "while he studies for the bar". It might be good for him and his test taking.

Yes he is using you. Good Lord, leave this lazy ass before he can get alimony!