Issues with teenage SD
This is going to be long, but I need advice! I have been with my significant other for 14 years. He has two children prior to our relationship, a son and a daughter, both by different BM. Recently, have been having serious issues with SD. Here is the story.
SD has lived with her maternal grandma her entire life. BM has had issues with drugs and just being unfit. My significant other didn't want to pull her away from the life she knew so they coparent. I have been in my SD life since she was 1 and a half. We have had our struggles but I assume most do. Her bio mom comes and goes in her life, but mostly is not present at all. She came back in the picture lately and SD has blocked me on all social media and my number and refuses to speak with me about anything. Today, her grandma who she lives with calls my significant other and says that she feels "uncomfortable around me" and says that I stick my nose in everyone's business. My only business is my household. She didn't specify anything specific but stated that she no longer wanted to come over if I am here. I feel hurt because I have helped raise this child almost her entire life. I feel like BM has an influence on this. I dont feel any support from my significant other and I understand that. Hes stuck in a weird place too and doesn't want to upset her. How can I make this better? Do I back up and just leave? I feel like im being pushed out of my own home for nothing and it hurts. It hurts to love a child that doesn't love you back. Any suggestions or words of encouragement are appreciated. Thank you ❤❤
Don't you dare leave your
Don't you dare leave your home because SD is being a b. How dare she and grandma try to bully you into doing so! I would disengage w Sd and be very clear with your DH that you have done nothing wrong nor will you let them bully you for no real reason. If DH wants to see princess he can go see her outside the home.
I agree. Its hard to
I agree. Its hard to disengage because she's been like my child for 14 years. I want to respect her boundaries but its hurtful. Thank you ❤
The most concerning thing
The most concerning thing about this is that you don't feel any support from your SO. It's NOT ok that he's letting GMa and SD dictate when you can and can't be in your own home. He could at least find out what SD is "uncomfortable" about, including specific examples. If it's your mere presence, that's just silly and needs to be stopped now. If it's because you ask her to do the dishes and help clean up, well, all that now falls to your SO. You get to disengage from her completely.
Do NOT leave your home. If SO wants to see SD and she refuses to come over, then SO has to see her elsewhere. And, if I were him, I'd do that exactly once and make it clear that you are the adult woman in his life, and he won't allow a teenager to rule his home.
Thank you ❤
Thank you ❤
If anyone leaves your home,
If anyone leaves your home, it's them!
That is all.
I agree with what everyone has said
The StepTalkers are right. I wanted to stop by to say that kids are biologically, irrationally and blindly loyal to their BMs. I'm as sure as I can be that your SD's new attitude comes as she is seeing BM more. It's nothing you've done. You did everything for her up to this point, you deserve a medal. It must be a biological thing.
She may come back to you at some point in the future, or she may not. You can look yourself in the mirror and know you did your best. I would disengage and turn my attention to your other children. Im wishing yhe best for your child who just came back home. Good luck.
Ty!
Yes, I agree she is very loyal to BM, even though she has been around maybe a total of 3 months in the last 14 years. This happens every time she comes back, although this time she is acting much differently. I appreciate all the advice and kind words! I have to focus on my bio kids right now, especially after her inpatient stay. She is doing much much better now and am so thankful we were able to get her the help she needed! I just hope and pray we can someday get the same help for my SD as I love her like myown and I know the path she is going is not a good one
His first mistake was not
His first mistake was not assuming full custody of his daughter. I hate it, but he sounds like a lazy parent. How much custody time does/did he have. I would hope at least 50/50. And not just that he "shares custody with grandmother", but he has no idea how to manage this? Eh.
Don't you dare leave. He can leave. You have 2 children and need to put them waaaaaay before dealing with this sd tantrum.
And! When bm crawls back to her drug induced stuper and sd tries acting like nothing happened (and just wait for her attitude change at Christmas coming up!) don't you dare let her!
Welcome to the site!
Absolutely what shellpell, Gimlet and others said.
" I dont feel any support from my significant other and I understand that. Hes stuck in a weird place too and doesn't want to upset her. " The only weird place he would be, if he were mine, were outside the locked front door with a frying pan clanged down over his head. How dare he not support you when his daughter and mother are behaving like petulant little bitches? you are his partner of 14 yrs, his first loyalty should always be to you.
What is WRONG with your
What is WRONG with your husband that he imagines he's stuck in the middle?! WHY does he not have your back? You've been there for him for the last 14 years, helping him raise his daughter and suddenly his mind has gone blank? What a pathetic apology for a husband.
If the kiddo doesn't feel comfortable in your home, tough on her. She doesn't have to set foot there ever again. If your DuH wants to see her or if she wants to see him, there is an entire world out there where that can happen. There is no reason, repeat NO reason, for you to leave your home.
Finally, next time that interfering old bag tries to criticize anything at all about you, tell her flat out to stuff it, you're not interested. And walk away/hang up.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this. Forget the ingrates and get on with living a good life.
First of all
You must disengage from SD. What ever her problem is, You can not fix, or she wants you to fix it. You will be playing her yo yo game for life.
Second. This is your home !!! You live and stay in your home, you control your home. Not SD. If SD doesn't want to come over. That's fine ( disengagement). I would not want her anyplace she does not want to be. ( disengaging)
Third. Since DH does not have your back and disrespect you. What, When and where he see SD is not your problem .It up to him go work that out ! "Hes stuck in a weird place too ". No he stuck in a weird place, not you. Yoir place is your home. Maybe a weekend with DH and SD in motel 6 is the way to go
Your husband needs to have a
Your husband needs to have a talk with her and get to the bottom of it. You do not leave your home- that is not negotiable. He should have had the child with him the whole time , not share custody with a grandmother. That is done and cannot be undone, but he can take the bull by the horns now.