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Compromises

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Sat, 09/19/2020 - 5:39am

I was reading a forum post were the OP is getting divorced because her STBexDH didn't seem to be able to change in any way to meet her needs.  This got me thinking about how marriage is about equitable compromises.  

A silly example for me is I hate cleaning.  I really hate it but my DH hates having cleaners in the house.  So we compromised on household chores and he does all the cleaning while I do cooking, etc.  Another is live music, DH loves it.  I'm more meh but in before  C19 times I used to go to most of the gigs becuase it make him happy to share something he loves.

When the skids were young we compromised on where we lived.  I lived on one side of the city and DH spent the week in my place and then we would decamp to the other side of the city for visitation.  We did this for over ten years until we thought they'd aged out of EOWE.  Not convential but it always gave me an exit route if the skids were being annoying.

What compromised have you and your SO had to make to make the relationship work?

 

Comments

DPW's picture

Submitted by DPW on Sat, 09/19/2020 - 8:16am

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, thanks. I realized that my SO's stubborness and "his way or the highway" mentality has made me resentful and unwilling to compromise even when he makes the effort. His fault or mine or both? Hmmmm. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Sat, 09/19/2020 - 8:20am

from what you've said so far I think you've been doing all the compromising and have reached the end of your tether.  Is this something you could talk about with him?  If you've been giving and giving for years you've run out of giving.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sat, 09/19/2020 - 8:24am

Together, the old status quo how skids were allowed to behave and treat others like shit needs to change. 
 
When 2 households come together you need to accomodate those changes and compromise on things. None of this crap from skids "well i never had to do this before so why now crap!!"

my ss now 22 told his uncle and dad it was my job as the woman to cook clean and care for the kids... his mum never did these things but he was too much if a dipshit to see the hypocrisy. 
 

lucky for me hubby told little dipshit how it wasn't my job to clean up his lazy arse...

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Sat, 09/19/2020 - 10:52am

They didn't want their Dad to date and tried to get rid of his partner.  Their GM (my MIL) knocked (figuratively) that notion out of their heads PDQ.  She is is a tiny scary lady so that was the end of ther nonsense.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sun, 09/20/2020 - 12:56am

Quick.

my skids have all tried to play imaginary happy family when alone with their dad, this was the 3rd meet up i refused to subject my and my kids to a day of playing chauffer to 2 lazy arse adults (1skid 14 lived with is an adult with a car and driving licence), their non stop rants of bio mum and stepdad to make them relevant when they aren't, answering me back regarding not doing inappropriate things to my kids, feeding my kids when 1 is severley allergic to cats and they have 3 and do not wash their hands, miniwives who expect i walk behind them submissively, oh and lets not forget their demands on our 3rd wedding anniversary for hubby to take them on an all expenses paid luxury holiday whilst me and our 1 & 2.5 yr old were meant to stay home...

it hit hubby finally on that 3rd meet how all 3 skids (sd22.5, ss20.5 and sd13) played imaginary happy family like we didn't exist and me and our 2 kids were home because we couldn't stand the level of disrespect from skids and hubby finally felt upset that this is how family was. He told them from this point on any meets occured in our home and almost 3 yrs on they haven't!!