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LearsWife44's picture

Submitted by LearsWife44 on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 5:56pm

Hi this is my first post. Thank you for this site! I am happy to have finally found people who I can relate to!

My stepdaughter is 20. She is lazy, sneaky and shallow. The only thing she cares about is shopping for herself and taking pictures of herself to post on social media. She has my poor husband completely fooled. He thinks that she is WONDERFUL!! He never sees her true colors. Since high school, she has accomplished nothing. She will brag herself up and tell people anything they want to make them like her. 

It is good she lives in another state with her mother and she always has. She did live with us for a very short time but I got so fed up with her that I threw her out of my house! She was being disrespectful to me and her dad and we got into an argument and I told her to leave and go back to her moms! I told my poor husband I am sorry but I will never live in the same house with her again. He promises me I won't have to! ... I still worry she will try to change his mind some day if something happens. 
 

He thinks she has done all these great things but they are nothing to be proud of! He makes excuses for her because I think he knows she is a failure. She is doing two things now... shopping and working a minimum wage retail job to pay for her shopping. Has a few college classes but stopped because of this virus. It will probably take her to 30 to graduate because she take 1-2 classes at a time and just started that. I didn't want her in my house working to just fill it up with her bought junk! She never helped out here either and she was useless. Constantly we picked up after her and everything was too hard for her to do. Lying lying lying to get out of doing anything she didn't like or to get her way.
 

I am worried she will try to come back some day! She was most always sneakily civil to me so he thinks I'm the evil one but why should I pay bills and clean and cook so she can buy herself the best of everything?

 

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sun, 09/13/2020 - 6:22pm

If it comes to that, you just need to have that conversation with your husband, that you do not want another adult living with you.

When DH moved in with me, I made it very clear that no other adult would live with us. It is very hard on a relationship, no matter who the extra person is. When it's another women, and she has no respect for you and your place in the household, it will never work, not even temporarily. Not worth it. Not only will it ruin your relationship with your husband, it will strain his relationship with his daughter because he will try to play both sides. He will not win.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Mon, 09/14/2020 - 8:55am

You should absolutely put your foot down. She is an adult and as such, she should be living on her own. Not with other adults supporting her. It would be one thing if she was in school full time and couldn't work enough hours to support herself, while she was working on her degree. But, in her case only taking 2 classy she has plenty of time to work.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Mon, 09/14/2020 - 9:34am

Is your DH supporting her financially? If yes, that must come to an end. If not, then it's easier to disengage from her special kind of crazy.

If she doesn't live with you (and never will, I'd make sure of that) and your DH isn't supporting her financially, then you ghost her. You don't talk about her, ask about her, follow her on social media, nothing.

You can't change her, so you need to take care of yourself. Your DH can be in denial all he wants (and you are probably right that he is embarrassed amd goes to great lenghts to defend her so HE feels better). She just does not exist to you in your daily life.