I'd say no to the party and shower invites. For the wedding, I'd go to the ceremony but be clear and polite that I wouldn't be attending the evening/party.

You have high risk factors and that is all they need to know. 

My GD is pregnant so they threw a virtual shower.  It was easy on the guests, "here's the gift list, have it shipped here".  They did a zoom of her opening things.  I was thrilled that I didnt have to attend in person, hate to play those silly games.  I thought it was considerate for everyone, especially pregnant GD.  

My personal opinion is that if we are happy for the marrying couple or pregnant mom, the last thing we want to do is expose them, not to mention ourselves.

I haven't gotten any invites, but for me, it would depend on whether it was indoors or outdoors and what the COVID level is. Around here it's less than 1%, so I would go to an outdoor gathering that wasn't a ton of people. The rules in NY are fairly strict, too, so I might go to an indoor wedding that was important to me if I knew there would be social distancing and masks would be enforced.  In my local grocery store, I haven't seen anyone without a mask for months, so as long as people were generally masking, and the event was important to me, I'd go.  An event not important to me, probably not.  There are also limits here on the size that weddings/parties can be, so that helps.

Even though we are less than 1%, I just read in the news that they feel most of that is from social gatherings, especially inside.

Also - why not just say you are both high risk for complications of COVID?  I would - but again, I'm in a state where people are masking and taking it seriously (mostly, there are outliers).

DH and I turned down a birthday party invite, easy decision. Don't risk it. There is no way to know how it will affect you if you get it; higher risk though you know.

We simply send a nice gift instead.

We've been going out and about, accepting just about all invitations (it's been a boring summer) since June when they decided to open theme parks and casinos to out of state visitors.  Airlines, the biggest offender, are still operating. 
 

I was all for trying to contain it, but now it's pretty much moot point, they're never going to be able to track it, there are too many people going in too many directions.  It now can be everywhere you go, whether it's the local Walmart, the park, or a baby shower.  I can see it if you or a family member have are super old, obese, have a poor immune system or diabetes, or visiting someone in a nursing home, or even if I was just scared, I would probably have everything delivered, since going out at all where there is other people would result in exposure.

We're realitively young, normal weight, and healthy, there's no reason to spend our time cooped up.

We're not getting any invites and not issuing any, apart from a close friend's (outdoors) 70th birthday to whom only her adult kids  went, and the same friend with her husband, will be coming to supper on my birthday this week.  It is prohibited here in the UK to meet indoors in groups of more than 2 households, and outdoors in a group of more than 6 people from different households. 

For the same reasons that you cite.   My DH is very high risk, my employer is very strict on enforcing quarantine and our area is slowly coming down but not to a level we feel comfortable with.  We just say no thank you and send a gift if appropriate.  We do socialize with my bios & their families but they are very careful and abide by all safety recommendations.  We generally do a visit in one of our driveway so we can be spread out.  I am already planning for a Thanksgiving dinner in our two car garage doors open and spread out.

this thing can be better managed if people would wear masks and practice social distancing and good hygiene.  There will be no herd immunity with this, on that I must agree with Tog.  I know people are impatient but maybe this is a sign we need to move away from the me me me events, have smaller more intimate weddings, go back to showers with immediate families, etc.  I too have a very religious acquaintance who believes god will protect her and if she gets COVID that was his plan for her.  No amount of logic could make her understand that her lack of precaution can have significant impact on me!  Needless to say I haven't seen her in person in months.  I am not even going to get into adult SD who believes this is all a hoax.  Her crackpot ideas have made holiday planning real easy this year.  No skids or grandkids!

religious holidays.

they thought they would limit it to 2 siblings and their spouse kids etc coming which still meant each weekend there were at least over 10 people at home even in their hdigjt of the pandemic.

my state has had no community transmission for 4 months plus and we have hard border closures while hubby’s country in Asia has unrestricted movement for locals but they must social distance which no one is because “you know.... its family!!!”

just last week, over 20 of hubbys family went on a holiday to another state, no social distancing l, no mask wearing etc...

Just wait till 1 of them tests positive, i have no compassion for them right now with their stupidity and all. Their country has been blaming foreigners for the spread but they’re the idiots not social distancing and taking due diligence in minimizing risk.

since march i only go to grocery shop, go to pharmacy for meds or send

my daughter to school and that is it

We have mostly been quarantined since early March.  With the exception of visiting my parents for a week, taking a tripto the outback of N. AZ, and having two friends visit us for a weekend each.

My parents have also been mostly quarantined so spending time with them is not much risk to either them or us..  One friend has been quarnatining though the otherone just came from a small family wedding.

IMHO it is a balance. We must re-energize our economy and progressively return to normalcy.  This disease, like the common cold, is here to stay.  Innoculations will eventually get it under some semblance of control much like the Flu shot has done with the Flu.

Those at risk will remain at risk.  I am one of them. 

Just my thoughts of course. 

The answer really depends upon how "important" these people are... if it is someone very close to you, you might be more inclined to share a bit more of your reason for not attending.  If they are less close?  A simple "we cannot attend" and perhaps sending a small gift in your absence with a "wish we could have been there" note is fine.  If people are nosy and press you for more explanation.. ask them why they need to know..... 

Since the beginning of march, my DH and myself have been very isolated.  I can literally count on two hand the number of times over the last 8 months that we have eaten food that we did not prepare ourselves.  WE have eaten at a restaruant 2x in their outdoors area at the very edge of their seating.  We have gotten takeout maybe 4-5 times.  That is it.  Otherwise, it is weekly or every other week trips to the grocery store and we wear a mask.  I have not had my hair done since december last year.  I have not had nails done.  I have not had my teeth cleaned.. not gone to my obgyn.. not had my eyes checked.. no medical office visits period.  The only "socializing" we have done is sitting outside with maybe 6 different people at different times... we don't wear masks in these outdoor situations where we are generally 6 feet apart or further in a wide open outdoor space.  

It seems fairly clear that indoor... low ventilated spaces with a lot of close interaction with people (like a karaoke bar scenario.. a chorus practice) are the worst case situations.  Places where you would experience sustained aerosolization of people's expelled air.  Low risk would be outdoors with moving air that dispells and disperses the exhaled virus.  So, if you live where you share air handling with other apartments.. I think you probably would have more risk.  Airplanes obviously are seriously problematic.. as would be most public transportation.    

My employer has extended our absence from the office until early January.  It's clear that it is difficult to contain and protect people working indoors in close proximity.  Honestly, masks are likely not all that effective... the particles can easily pass through the majority of masks that people are using... dropletts may be contained but smaller particles... emissions from the sides and edges.. I know my masks aren't doing a whole lot.  I DO wear them.. if only for the politeness factor that people may believe I am attempting to do the right thing.  I am certainly not advocating that people should be out without any thought to precautions.  But, I think the best precaution is distance and air ventilation..

My personal feeling is that those that want a big wedding.. should really consider postponing until there is potentially a vaccine... or at least until there is more herd immunity.  I think it is fairly self centered to think that people will be comfortable with attending group celebrations at this point and if people decline the invitiation they should not be shamed for doing so.  We all have our own risks and concerns.

No is a complete sentance. I would just decline the invitations. Send an RSVP that you are sad that you will not be attending, ask about any gift lists etc and say that you look forward to seeing the photographs. Don't give any excuses or explainations. 

If you are asked why you are not attending and feel that you need to give a reason, then I would probably just say that your doctor has recomended that you stay away from gatherings due to your health issues. Or something else that doesn't go into the covid, masks vs no masks discussion, local infecton rates or if gatherings should be held at all.

The state I live in is 'blue' - due to two large cities.  Otherwise, in the smaller communities like I live in, there are STILL composed of people who insist on shopping, eating out, etc., without any protection what-so-ever.  They demonstrate on street corners, no masks for them!, some with M-16s.  Our Governor even put out a mask mandate.  Odd thing though - more and more of the 'no-maskers' are getting sick, some dying - and that is what it takes:  More and more former 'no-maskers' are seen silently shopping in the store with a mask on.  The truth is coming out.

The sad thing is that I am getting more and more callus with every no-mask demonstration.  I am now having a hard time finding pity for self-inflicted wounds and selective Darwinism.