11.5 y/o SS willfully pooping his pants (not diarrhea)
My stepson is 11 and 1/2 years old. He has lived with us for one year. Fecal incontinence has been a problem that has not reared its ugly head in a year. Yes, he has been thoroughly tested for encopresis. There is no physical reason for it. And yes he is in therapy.
In the past 10 days he has had five instances where he pushes out very large oh, very firm poops. Not liquidy diarrhea. Not a messy fart. But poop. He will sit in it and act like it doesn't bother him. It stinks and he knows it's there. He even went to a friend's house knowing he had a giant turd in his underwear but he just didn't care. My husband has gone through his laundry to find turds. He is given fiber supplements everyday and plenty of water and healthy food. He is quite thin but he is very inactive. He truly hates any sort of physical exercise no matter how much it's encouraged . It has been that way for a year so his system definitely has acclimated to getting a healthy amount of fiber. There is no reason to willingly push out giant turds. He admits he is aware of it but he just doesn't care.
I am a stepmom having to live with the smell of s*** in my house. He also pisses the bed. I'm at my wit's end. Any coping advice?
Does SS clean up after
Does SS clean up after himself? Does your husband make SS hand wash his clothes before they go in the washer? Does SS have to change his own sheets when he pees in bed?
I would be turning off electronics etc everytime until he cleans up after himself.
What does his therapist suggest?
ugh
My husband has just started making the kid clean up after himself. But the cleaning up doesn't seem to bother him at all. I have had to force my husband to drag the kid along to the laundromat to wash his soiled sheets and comforter. He should sit there in the hot laundromat and realize his actions have consequences. He admits he has to pee in bed but doesn't want to disturb the cat so he just pees. We have done the pull-ups before but he soaks them. Also he is not allowed to drink after 6 pm. The kid even got s*** on my couch once. My couch!
His therapist had recommended a psychologist at this point because these are more deep-rooted issues. He saw a psychologist before so now we find another one! It's so messed up. I have a grown daughter and she was so amazingly easy and sweet and friendly as a child. Never stompng her feet, with my stepson still does and he's almost 12. And he's not autistic, we've had him tested.
Honestly, leaving crosses my mind several times a week.
Don't want to disturb your
Don't want to disturb your cat? Simple. He doesn't get to sleep with the cat.
no couch crapping...
...I hope your couch can be repaired and your cat is safe...weigh your options and your sanity at this point. You are a strong woman, I sure hope you are taking care of yourself, hugs
Electronics
We don't have an Xbox here. He was diagnosed as being addicted to electronic equipment. His birth mother let him play Xbox until dawn so the kid cannot stop himself. The police used to have to come to his mother's house on a regular basis to make him relinquish the Xbox controllers.
BM now gives him any electronic he wants at her house. And he shits himself while gaming. Today he should himself in the middle of eLearning.
This is VERY common with gaming...
You are absolutely correct, many people do not realize it's a real addiction. It is discussed quite a bit in the psychology community right now. Seems most kids having these issues right now are boys and they do not want to break from the gaming to use the bathroom. Shaming the kids won't help yet I would make my kid clean himself up and toss the soiled clothing, monitoring (rather than taking it all away as a punishment) the gaming has been helpful as many kids are physically attacking their caregivers/parents for taking away all of their gaming time/electronics much like any other person with an addiction would retaliate. Kids this age are sitting in their poop in their pants more now with the pandemic and lack of oversight by the caregivers/parents. The fiber helps, the useful tools are to have the kid sit on the toilet, no electronics in the bathroom, until the kid can have a bowel movement...every day before any types of electronics are allowed. There is a lot of bullying on the video games and the competition is something that will bring more shame to a kid especially if the kid stops to go to the bathroom as many games do not have stops or breaks.
The medical side has described the rectum stretching after the first time the kid holds the poop and passes a baseball size turd, the kid may not realize the poop is there the next time (not feeling the urge) due to the stretched rectum, kids also sit so long that their bottom becomes numb so they don't feel the urge to poop, and the kids are so hyper-focused on the electronics, they don't even realize they have a turd in their pants, not sure how they avoid the smell though. About 13 yrs ago, my son's friend clogged the toilet with a baseball sized turd and I told the mom to give him fiber and have him poop before he gets to my house.
Sorry he's pooping during eLearning...water, fiber, revamp foods that he eats (raisin bran isn't just for older folks!), exercise every 30-45 minutes, jumping jacks (just kidding), anything to get that habit to stop at least during your time with him. How will this affect the kids when they are back in the classroom?
What do YOU want to do.
What do YOU want to do.
What did the counselor say about this? Does HE Like what he is doing? Sorry so gross.
He's okay with it
I brought online that some people enjoy the feeling of pooping themselves. He claims he doesn't like it but he also admits he is well aware of when he is doing it. He doesn't want to shower afterwards. Even though he knows there is poop on his body. He's in puberty (HAIRY legs, BO, armpit hair, zits sometimes). A year ago this wasn't a problem (maybe bedwetting once every 6 weeks). He even peed himself at a Boy Scout camp out last weekend. He didn't want to look it up in the cold air to go pee.
What do I want to do? Most of the time I want to run for the Hills! I love my husband but seven more years unusual behavior lies ahead for me. Maybe it'll get better? Maybe?
Put him in a diaper. One that
Put him in a diaper. One that is obvious that he is wearing. His peers will end this in a hurry when they label him as the Turd Beast and ridicule him at school all day every day.
Sometimes, treating a kid who is acting as an infant as an infant is an effective way to deal with infantile crap from a kid who is long past infancy.
Diaper time!
He strips down to nothing in the back yard, gets hosed off, then handed a diaper to wear. Then his clothes go in the washer on scalding hot, the same in the dryer and he loses any access to anything enjoyable until he solves his problem.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
What in the actual f**k?!!!
What in the actual f**k?!!! If he doesn't have a mental disability... I don't know how you can be nice and not shame him. Jesus. I just couldn't. Wouldn't.
I feel like this is a sign of
I feel like this is a sign of a serious problem...what adolescent is okay smelling like poop in front of other people?!
toiletting schedule. DH makes
toiletting schedule. DH makes him use the restroom every 2 hours - awake or asleep. He sits for 15 min or until he goes. SS washes/cleans all soiled items at the laundromat - so as not to contaminate others belongings.
DH needs to put time in but this can be corrected.
More info needed - is there a
More info needed - is there a history of sexual abuse or other trauma? What does the therapist think these underlying issues are? Has he seen a psychiatrist? Do they all think this is behavioral (ie, does it because he wants to, vs, acting out because of trauma)? Where is his mother? Does it happen there?
Some kids respond better to rewards, and some to consequences - have either of those been tried for this issue?
ETA: Just saw your last blog about his mother. This kid likely has some major psychiatric issues brewing, he's genetically loaded from BM's side. I'd definitely follow through on him seeing a psychologist, and a psychiatrist too.
Rule out trauma/sexual abuse..
Some children will poop their pants to keep the molester away...urinating in the bed could be closely associated or could be a neurological issue or a UTI?
You're spot on, seeing a psychologist that specializes in his age group for a firm diagnosis and a visit to a psychiatrist for testing and/or medication evaluation would be good next steps.
OP is a strong woman, not sure I could handle this. Y'all are so supportive, hopefully she can make some sense of this.
It sounds like this kid is
It sounds like this kid is seriously disturbed. Has he been to inpatient mental health treatment? He seems to not care to follow the norms of human society. It sounds like he has no shame about it. To go to a friend's house knowing he has poop in his pants? He is not even close to ok. Mental hospitals exist for this type of issue. He will not be able to live a normal life or have a job or relationship unless this is fixed. I'm surprised they let him in school.
I believe a counsellor may
I believe a counsellor may not be enough for this child. If that were my ‘family’ I would send them to a psychiatrist. They have had more training.
I agree about the electronics.
I would also be sending him to the bathroom a hell of a lot, like toddler training.
Rumplestiltskin may have a point about inpatient treatment, this is one for the experts.
This situation is way above
This situation is way above your paygrade and level of responsibility. I am shocked at how much you have to deal with after browsing through your other blogs. There is something deeply and seriously wrong with ss and he is proving that you can't fix it. His mother is a mentally ill disabled addict and dad seems a bit clueless about the severity of the issue and what to do. ss probably had it rough at BM's and if there were people coming and going ss was likely abused which would explain his anger and weird anal poop sensation fixation.
How to cope? Get some good meds (sorta kidding) and lots of aromatherapy diffusers for the home. Eucalyptus works well for cutting through urine and poop smell. But seriously, if you and DH could LAT (Live Apart Together) while he raises and deals with his son that would be the best option for your sanity. This is DH's spawn, sad that he's had such a rough time but DH should be fully dealing with his only child. I'm not sure what current options are for your area but when DD was a very hard to handle teen (about 10 years ago) there was the option of sending her to foster care for a night or the weekend at no cost to me. It was a way of giving her and I space and a respite for me. If you're working with a social worker please have DH look into all of his options and get all the outside help possible.
Make your sanity the priority because this kid has a lifetime of healing ahead of him. I work with individuals who are in the system and have issues like this. It's not easy. They have many handlers to help them manage their lives. I feel for you. This is bigger than you.
My SS20 does this too, but
If there is nothing wrong with this child as you say OP, run! There is absolutely no reason why this would be acceptable. Unless there is severe mental illness involved, as with my SS20.
My SS20 has autism, severe developmental delay, adhd and a neurological disorder currently being tested. So mentally my SS is 12 instead of 20, and he's incapable of doing normal things for his age. So he will be placed in a mental health hospital soon.
He wasn't like this when I decided to marry my DH, it's become worse over the past two years and now we're looking at a possible neurological disorder causing all this.
HOWEVER, my DH doesn't do his laundry anymore. SS has to do it himself, because even with his problems there are limits to what we can accept. And we're getting him placed into a care home soon, because every health professional around us agrees he needs full time care, there just is a long waiting list for mental hospitals.
Another iteration of the Shit
Another iteration of Shit Beast Syndrome. smh
It is interesting how this seems to happen periodically in blended family situations.
I wonder if it is more prevalent in blended family situations than it is in the general population?