Response to BM
DH sent the 3rd email about Christmas dates last night with our "I will take your nonresponse as consent" line with a deadline of 5pm today.
Around 2am she responded stating that SS wants to attend a school dance and that he has basketball practice that would conflict with the 1st and lat day we wanted him here. Essentially cutting DH 2 days short. (How she knows basketball practice before the start of the season, or if it is even happening, who knows!)
This will be the 1st Christmas in 8 yrs DH will have SS. Also the previous 4 yrs plane tickets were a waste because she just never put him on the plane. Part of me says F her. We are still owed 6 weeks of make up from last year, and thousands in flights. We arent cutting 2 days short. Plus the flight she wants cost an extra $100.
The other part of me says "Yeah! 2 days short!!"
Do we fight her or do we let it go? By the CO she really has no grounds to argue the dates. But is is worth a fight? Do we get the tickets as planned tell her it is about cost and (I get to hope she doesn't send him) if she doesn't put him on a plane it is just another contempt to add. At this point I don't see our hearing being before Christmas anyway!
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Would ss have a conversation
Would ss have a conversation with his dad on the phone about this so your husband can hear from him how much he wants to go to practice and the dance? Then he can decide if it is what ss wants or if it is BM being a PIA.
Personally I might consider the dance excuse, but missing one practice scheduled right before winter break is not going to be a big deal. Other kids will also be missing it and they will probably do "fun" stuff rather than real training that day anyway.
So this is where it is
So this is where it is complicated. When he is with us he love us,, has great time, he loves being here, everything is awesome.
When he is with BM he tells his dad to F off, that his dad isn't a real father to him, that he is never coming out again, he hates us...
He is so alienated that we can't just ask him.
Don't give her an inch. Not
Don't give her an inch. Not your problem if the school scheduled things on Court ordered time. Give her an inch... Please ensure your dh takes and gets the little time that he was awarded.
I wouldn't give her an inch,
I wouldn't give her an inch, personally. Neither a practice nor a dance are worth missing days for. And are they seriously having a dance in the middle of a pandemic? Nope, it's just BM playing games. She has to feel like she gets something away from DH.
My initial response
is that neither of those things trump Dad's time, but I'm only conflicted because why was there a request for permission from BM? If she isn't able to veto his flights I'd just book them and not ask her crap.
My guess is to have proof she
My guess is to have proof she was agreeable and is at fault if he doesn't get on the plane.
I'm on the fence of looking to be flexible and spend the extra $100 b/c you will probably be suing her for it anyways.
Really...his school is having
Really...his school is having a dance and basketball practice? In the heart of flu season with a pandemic going on? I have a lot of doubt about that.
It comes down to whether or not you guys are going to keep fighting her in court. If so, then stick to the CO and get SS the full time, then nail her with contempt again when she sends hateful messages via SS. If you aren't going to fight in court, then stop fighting even on this and accept what you can get.
I agree with the first
I agree with the first question - can you verify that these things are true? I work for a school district and it would be very rare to have those things scheduled so far in advance. Also, all bets are off with sports and school events right now. Finally, how does he know he'll even be on the basketball team? Is it a no-cut team?
I also agree with the comments above that she is likely being difficult, so she can later say that you didn't accommodate her and so she is justified in the kid not getting on the plane. I would probably just accomodate her to remove that contention.
I give you both credit for continuing to try. If I had booked even one ticket an the kid didn't get on the plane, I would be done.
I feel like with this BM that
I feel like with this BM that there is no clear "win" scenario. Not accommodating could make DH look like a d!ck even though he's following the CO, but accommodating looks like he doesn't even want the limited time he has. It's the nuttiest! I feel bad for OP and her family in all this.
I agree with this as well...a
I agree with this as well...a HCBM loves nothing more than creating a no win situation.
I would not give up the 2
I would not give up the 2 days. Not for anything this BM says. You know she's a liar and an alienator. There's no way she already knows the basketball practice schedule, and most school dances aren't calendared that far in advance. If this one is, you should be able to easily verify it.
It's easy to verify with the
It's easy to verify with the school, look up calendar or email the school re dance or baseball practice
This
Call the school and ask about both things. I find it hard to believe that either is being scheduled this far in advance. Then call her on it in writing. Given your situation, I wouldn't give her an inch. That being said, maybe give in on the dance, but definitely not on the basketball.
Do not give her a thing...
Do not give her a thing... and check with the school to see if she is lying and document it.