DH made a “jackass” move Regarding paying for college. Legally are we screwed??
When DH and BM Divorced BM came out WAY better. I was NOT in the picture Obviously the time of the signing/Agreeing of the divorce papers or a lot of what BM got would never happened. Anyways...
One thing that DH got royally screwed over on is DH agreed to pay the first 150 thousand in college Expenses for both kids. That's 300 thousand total for DH and BM pays nothing!
Now one Kid is 18 already and showing NO interest in college..yet. The other one is 14 and dumb as dumb can be.
We have talked to an attorney about getting out of this but was told there is not much we can do since it's in the divorce agreement and DH agreed at the time.
So here are my questions..HELP! Is there really no way DH can get out of paying 300 thousand if that's what the kids run up? Knowing both kids and BM they will run up a $300k bill just to screw DH. What happens if DH just refuses? Could they take our house? DH go to jail? We are by no means rich and would take the rest of our life to pay that off. Is there a way to protect our Assets if DH refuses to pay the full amount?
What?! How can that be in a
What?! How can that be in a divorce decree?! What if your husband can't afford it??? That's insane! There are plenty of people who have to pay for their own college.
Well, NOTHING was in DH's
Ugh. He must have really felt guilty.
I'm not an attorney, but I'd consult another one about at least having some provisions added to that - ie, has to pass 90% of courses, has to apply for scholarships and financial aid, has to finish within 4 years, has to start before age 20, etc.
I find that sum to be
I find that sum to be absolutely staggering. That would make for a very comfortable stay in college indeed! I can't wrap my mind round the idea that your DuH thought his kids would require as much as that or even MORE just to make it through college! What was he using for brains taht day?
The college I graduated from
The college I graduated from now costs 72K per year. That's barely two years' worth. Sadly, tuition costs have been growing like crazy in the US.
Now, in a state school, that would cover 4 years with lots to spare. But if BM wants to be a jerk, she can get the kids into a private school and sock DH for the money (if they can get in).
OK, gotcha. I'm in Europe and
OK, gotcha. I'm in Europe and (obviously) han't factored in the cost of tuition because ours are either fairly small or non-existant depending on where you live. I was just thinking of the cost of living, transport, books, that kind of thing.
Yeah, the 72K for my college
Yeah, the 72K for my college covers tuition, room and board. Not books or any other costs. It's crazy! Many court orders in my state (if they address college), say they have to pay the equivalent of a state school tuition. This OP's DH really screwed the pooch on this one. All they can do is hope the kids can't get into any decent private schools that would cost a lot.
OMG TOG!
OMG TOG!
I had to pay for my college 100% on my own. So I went to a community college for my associates and then move to a university. I had no loans until that point and when I graduated I only have about 22K in loans.
Same here! I can't imagine my
Same here! I can't imagine my parents being forced to pay for my college education. That is so incredibly wrong. No wonder so many step children often feel so entitled.
Depends on the state. $150k
Depends on the state. $150k would not quite cover 4 years COA at the state flagship in my home state. College in the US can be ridiculously expensive.
If OP's H is not a high earner, I'm surprised he agreed to that (and his atty let him). If he is a high earner, I'm surprised he hasn't been socking money away in a college fund over the years. In any event I'd be keeping my funds separate and getting a second opinion.
Yeah, I'm sure that's state
Yeah, I'm sure that's state specific. Here it would cover, and also, if they have decent grades, tuition is free up to a certain income level.
I find that sum to be
.
Our attorney said that even
Our attorney said that even with my DH having to pay 1/2 of the tuition it doesn't say that we have to pay up front. We can wait to see if he passes the classes. I would talk to an attorney to see if you can delay payments directly to the school and tell them you will pay their loans off every semester for every class they pass that is part of their degree curriculum. Also, the kids are the ones that have to take you to court over this- not BM.
Ours did say that if SS fails a class that it is unlikely that a judge would force us to pay for his failure to do the work.
Do NOT encourage SK18 to go
Do NOT encourage SK18 to go to college if they are not interested. They can get a job, an apartment, and maybe take some classes at the local community college.
I agree with the above about consulting an attorney. Things can be added like, in-state public tuition only, minimum GPAs, etc.
Bad decision on your dh part.
Bad decision on your dh part. Regardless of why he agreed to this, he did. YIKES, this is a nightmare for adults facing retirement. May be hard to unring this bell.
Talk to a lawyer.---
You have a decision to make. Did you marry him knowing this was in the court order?
I would say it depends on how
I would say it depends on how good his lawyer is if BM tries to force him to comply with that element of the divorce decree.
If I was DH, I would not say a word until each Skid graduates from HS, if they actually graduate, then I would make any support dependent on academic performance and in direct interface with each of his kids. No need to include BM in any of that once each kid hits 18 and actually graduates from HS, actually gets accepted to university, and then actually attends class and delivers a C or better in each class.
He just needs to be ready for an interesting legal battle with BM if she tries to get involved in his adult relationship with his kids.
Divorce decree of not, once the Skids age out from under any custody/visitation/support CO it is really none of BM's business.
IMHO of course.
In situations like this I take a shit happens and things change perspective. If DH's situation has changed then his commitment to pay for university for his children can change as well. To me the key here is education expenses. If I were in a situation where I would choose not to pay the $150K per kid I would limit my support to tuition, fees and books only. If DH is not paying for housing, food, transportation, etc... it will be highly unlikely that combined the kids will burn through $150K. The odds of them getting into top tier school that will cost that much are slim and none given what you have shared regarding these two academic/intellectual giants.
In DH's case I would not pay for anything less than a C as far as grades and failure to provide me with an official grade report at the end of each term/semester/quarter, etc... would result in forfeiture of any payment for that terms tuition. BM may have the $150K/kid in the divorce decree but that does not man he just has to write her or the kids a check without adequate performance requirements.
I would say over all, this is not something worth worrying about. But... better prepared and ready to go for BM's throat on this when the time is right than to ignore it.
Again, IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Wow
In our decree we had a specific amount each month to put in and how well it did depended on the market. But it's nowhere near that amount.
I agree with the others to get some riders on the payout. If a kid turns around and suddenly is ready for a masters and PhD for some amazing job and benefit to society it may be worthwhile to spend the money.
Yikes is right!
Unfortunately there is no provisions put in. All it says is DH will pay for the first 150k per kid. Child support also goes till 21 in our state NOT 18 so it could be BM DH would be fighting in court if the kids decide to go to college in till they hit 21.
Guess my fear is both kids are entitled, spoiled brats that are lazy. I can see BOTH kids Partying their way through college getting either worthless Degrees or/and taking forever because they keep screwing around and failing classes. Yes it's highly Unlikely these dumb shits will get into Harvard BUT I can see them screwing around and taking a bunch of classes then changing their minds and then taking something else. I'm sure BM will tell them they both have 150k to play with and they will plan on using up every penny.
No stipulations on the form
No stipulations on the form the $150K takes is not necessarily a bad thing. Education costs can be tightly defined as DH chooses to define them.
Tuition, fees, and books. Lather, rinse, repeat.
No rent, no car, no car insurance, no board, nothing. Or better yet, he can deduct each penny he pays in CS after the Skids turn 18 or graduate from HS from the 150K and at college graduation gloat about how he paid for their entire college education with no participation from their manipulative mother.
Heck, I would even deduct the CS from 18-21 for the younger one from both the $150K for the elder one and the younger one.
This could be fun!!!!! DH may be able to get BM to stroke out as a bonus.
Woo hoo!
What a fool. Does DH have
What a fool. Does DH have retirement in place so this doesn't cripple that? $300,000 not invested can put a real dent into retirement and I can bet confidently that those skids won't be there to help out if DH runs into trouble. Will he take out insurance to make up that out lay ? So many unknowns for a couple of skids who have a lifetime to pay off loans.
YUP
Definitely a BAD move on DH's part. My DH did some not-so-good things in his divorce decree. But he did them largely because he wasnt paying child support.
But, neither he nor Toxic Troll have/had real expectations for either kid going to college, and Toxic Troll doesnt give much importance to education...so luckily there was no stipulations for college.
Time for a legal consult.
I don't know what state you are in but
In my state anything to do with the kids can be changed and modified through family court. While some things are decided during a divorce proceeding most things regarding the kids are not set in stone.
In our situation DH and BM were supposed to split 50/50 all college and living expenses. BM said she didn't have it and wasn't going to pay anything. She took DH to family court to to modify it. Funny she was making more than DH with her overtime but she mishandled money that was why she didn't want to pay it. Turns out she had to pay more than her 50 percent. It was quite comical.
I would talk to a family court lawyer instead of the divorce lawyer and see what can be done. My DH also offered to pay the kids health insurance forever which made me mad BM could pay it too. BM never payed, she was supposed to split the co-pays and didn't do that either.
My DH did a bonehead move
My DH did a bonehead move like this, he agreed to pay CS until Spawn graduated from college or until she turned 24...in CA CS ends at 18, or 18 and graduated high school. Thankfully when we got custody and CS was terminated it wiped out the original CO. These DH's sometimes will sign anything just to get the divorce over and done with and don't think about the long term affects.