Moved out and their rooms
Good day, so my SD 18 moved back with her BM to attend college in June 2020. My SS14 and SD came back for a visit in July, my SS had not seen his father or been to our place for 2.5 years. When they were at our home I asked them both to go through their rooms and take what they wanted back to their BM's house. Both did and SS said he didn't want anything and SD said she had as well. So last week I began a house purge and told my SO and both SK's that I was purging the house. I even asked both SD and SS about certain items. From the the SD18 I got a tantrum about "its my room, you can't go in my room. I still play with the stuff in there." And my SS14 said" its my dads house you can't throw anything away". Then they both called my SO to tattle on me. He knew what I was doing. Am I wrong to feel that, if they do not live with us anymore and they only come to visit that I can turn their rooms into more appropriate guests rooms. Oh, and BTW I didn't actually throw anything away just the obvious garbage. Now my SK's are throwing tantrums and saying its their house, I can't go in their rooms even if they are not living here. Am I wrong for wanting to create guests rooms?
An 18 yo college student
An 18 yo college student still plays with stuff in her bedroom?! Are you kidding me? Good grief!
I know, right
I found entire sets of MY LITTLE PONY, and small lego games. Seriously. And my SO said that he seen SD18 playing with them when she was here. They have since been out into a box for our granddaughter.
And your SO thinks that's
And your SO thinks that's "normal"? I have two 17 yo daughters and they haven't played with that kind of stuff since well before they reached double figures ...
Adultolescents nowadays,
Adultolescents nowadays, Geesh! Who knows? This may be going on until she's 30. Here's a link to an article on why adults are obsessed wtih My Little Pony: https://wreg.com/news/why-adults-are-obsessed-with-my-little-pony/
According to some, "it's a well executed piece of art."
If you had given both a
If you had given both a chance to take any of their stuff, that's giving them fair warning. They said you can't go in "their" rooms? Oh give me a break. I would have had those rooms redecorated for guests, so fast your head would spin.
It is not their house unless
It is not their house unless they are on and paying for the mortgage. Period, end of statement on that part.
As for what to do with the bedrooms, they would become guest rooms/office/ gym- whatever I wanted, especially for the 18 yr old. They can still come back and visit staying in a guest room.
It is perfectly normal to
It is perfectly normal to convert rooms no longer used by kids or skids who have moved out to another use. My parents have taken over the bedrooms my sister and I used. We were given fair warning that it was going to happen so that we could take any "private" stuff out and claim any of our belongings we still wanted. After that, we had no claim on the room and no right to complain about anything that was moved or tossed. If I visit, I stay in a guest room, because I'm a guest, not a resident, these days. It is the normal progression.
Your SO should shut the skids down and not listen to their complaints. As long as he's supporting you in this, who cares about the whining and tantrums of the skids? If he's not supporting you, therein lies the problem.
EXACTLY- we aren't supposed
EXACTLY- we aren't supposed to keep bedroom shrines to our adult kids.
They moved out. They no
They moved out. They no longer have any claim on those rooms. Go have fun decorating!
Pack it up
When SD21 Feral Forger graduated high school and was 18, she got a job and ghosted us, without communication. Sort of her Mo - so she can take up residence again when required.
7 months, I left "her" room alone. Full of her trash and her funk. No communication. So, one weekend I decided to purge. Bags and bags of trash. An empty bottle of whiskey. A vibrator. I put personal items that looked like she would want to keep them in bins. Took off the door. Installed plants and a fish tank. It is now my room, where I keep clothes and objects I love. My shoes and purses, like a sweet little dressing room.
A year ago she asked DH to move back into "her" room. DH said "you need to work things out with Clove". Crickets. She moved back into her mothers place. Toxic Troll has had a nice run of check forgery and trashing the place.
Its daddys home but lets face it!!!
You’re likely the only one maintaining and cleaning it and without you, it wouldn’t function but again, its daddy’s home...
i have been watching a few videos on youtube from “Dave Ramsay”
omg he is just terrorizing these despicable emotionally stunted adults bitching that mummy daddy won’t pay my student loans or they’re kicking me out of home and allowing adults abuse the spouse etc...
i just keep thinking about the posts here and the issues we have with skids and ex’s etc..
problem is parents enable bad behaviour and contribute to the emotional stunting of their adults
Thanks for the replies
After reading all the posts, I have decided that I WILL be redecorating and have already started. I have boxed up all their remaining items and placed them in the closets. Thanks everyone for your input. Let's see how this goes when they come visit in October.
smh... the pathetic is strong in these two.
Since they don't visit, they have no dedicated space. Pretty simple.
If they actually visited they should haved space.
Kids like this need clarity. You are providing them with that clarity. To have a place in the home they must participate in the family.
It is not a difficult concept but for some reason far too many kids think that they can dictate their place without investing in the family. It does not take much. Be present, be polite, and participate.