Still, and again
SS16 hasn't spoken to me since the night he got caught dealing drugs almost a year ago, when we had a pretty significant argument. He left our house altogether shortly thereafter, and has lived exclusively with his mom ever since. Our home is very peaceful without him in it.
DH has tried to talk him up to me, how well he's doing. He hasn't violated his probation since he threatened to kill his teacher. He might get to go back to regular school if it ever opens again. His new medication is keeping him calmer. Whatever. I don't say anything, because my husband loves his son. I never even see SS16, so what good could come of me running him down? But I don't believe for a second he's suddenly a different person.
We're talking about taking a vacation to Mexico, and DH asked if SS16 could come. I'm not crazy about the idea, but trying to do what's right, so I say ok. DH called SS16 to invite him, and SS16 asked who's going. When DH said I'm going, SS16 goes off. Starts ranting about how much he hates me, and as he's screaming into the phone, he says he'll never forgive me for telling him I don't know why his father loves him.
There's just one problem: I never said that.
DH told him that. DH was standing right beside me when SS16 and I had our argument, and he told SS16 I'd never said that. It was like pouring gasoline on a fire. SS16 lost it, cussing and screaming about what a whore and a bitch I am, that he can't wait until I die, etc. DH tried to talk to him, but SS16 was too spun up to even hear him, so DH finally just hung up.
All because we invited him to Mexico. Did he really think his dad was going to take him on a tropical vacation and leave me at home?
In the conversation we had after, I told DH to remember this the next time he started thinking SS16 was getting better. He may get better with other stuff, but he won't get better on the subject of me. DH agreed. I also told him for this reason, I don't want SS16 staying at our house. His mom is talking about going on a cruise and leaving him with us. I told DH if SS16 comes to stay, then I'm leaving. DH agreed (finally). Now DH has to tell his ex to look for an alternative. And there will be fireworks.
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Their faulty memories are almost breaks from reality
Their faulty memories are almost like breaks from reality. It is a very long story, but my SD lived with us for 3 months when she was 17 because BM got evicted and she had no where to go. She had never been to our house prior to moving in. Things went well for a month, and then deteriorated rapidly. She moved out the day she turned 18. She is 24 now and has completely disowned her Dad.
He recently called her to ask her something, and she started going off on him. The speaker phone was on, so I hear part of it. She started screaming about how dirty our house was and how there was cat and dog poop all over. This is completely false. My cats used their litter boxes that are in the unfinished basement. Both my dogs were completely housebroken and never had an accident while she was with us. Her dog, on the other hand, was not housebroken and did have a few accidents in the house. So any dog poop came from her dog - and I cleaned it up as soon as I found it.
It was a strange phone call and her level of anger over things that may or may not have happened over 6 years ago was a bit unnerving.
Good way to put it.
A break with reality...that's a good way to put it.
I said some harsh stuff to him that night, but I didn't say that. I've never even thought that, let alone said it. If he's going to hate me, hate me for something I actually did. I guess if he has to invent stuff to be mad about, that says it all.
You are going to take a time bomb
SS to another country ?? You all are going to be in the Tijuana Jail like midnight express !
No way would I go with a disrespect SS. No way would I go to a foreign country with a time bomb Your DH has to understand that. Leave SS home with his BM
Not to mention, the borders
Not to mention, the borders to Mexico are closed.
Yes
My DH does understand it now. And it's for a pretty far in the future vacay, so hopefully things will even out a bit on the closures by then.
Better be in 2021, I doubt
Better be in 2021, I doubt either Canada or Mexico will allow Americans in before then (if then).
Oh well, SS's reaction
Oh well, SS's reaction certainly sorted the holiday issue for you, huh? Personally I have never, nor would I ever, go on a holiday with my SDs. It just wouldn't be a holiday to me, it would be a week in purgatory.
Good
Yes, that's the good thing. I was trying for hubby's sake. But I am relieved I don't have to follow through on making that work. Was half expecting him to refuse to go (with me), but thought the idea of going to Mexico might be more than he could resist. Thankfully, it wasn't.
Ah..our lovely SS.. the great white rapper
peaced out on us after being caught for the third time with drugs. He peaced out to Beaver's house in February, this is in 2019 pre pandemic 2020. In June we were booked to go Hawaii. We live in the midwest. SS wanted to know if he was going with. YEA NO.
Reasons...
1. SS peaced out because his Dad stress him out and he HAD to do drugs to cope. Ok..as our attorney pointed out..what if SS gets caught with drugs in the airport or in Hawaii. Who is going ot stay behind and work on that mess?? DH...SS was 17 at the time and still a minor.
2. SS also claimed his Dad made him suicidal. Ok..so how exactly was SS going to spend a week in a house with DD, some 2500+ miles from home. What if he has a psycological break while we were in Hawaii or better yet on the 12 hour long plane ride? What was DH going to do then? Would he stay in Hawaii..would DH stay with SS wherever he as being held in a psyc ward?
So..DH took about 2 seconds to think about this and went OH HELL NO. Plus, DH thought about it and realized that there were 5 other people that were going and SS could and mostly likely would ruin their dream vacation as well. So, SS going was a no from that perspective.
These questions should have been questions your DH thought about BEFORE inviting your SS to Mexico..what is SS brings drugs with him, or buys them in Mexico? Seems SS solved the issue for you...but had he not all of these things would have been questions you would have to think about and answer.
Great white rapper
you have one of those too?
YSS 17.5 fancies himself the next Eminem.
Oh yes...SS fancies himself the next great white rapper
.he can't read music, can't play any instrument and has failed sophmore english 3 times (he is a Senior) but hey he will make it big and get a maserati and a mansion.
I cannot roll my eyes hard enough...
Rapper
What is up with that? Ours is a skinny little (for his age) white kid. Spends all his free time "working on his music." Has a YouTube channel where he thinks he'll be discovered. Actually became a drug dealer in our tiny little town for the "street cred."
I have to admit, a part of me hopes he makes a real run at it, so the real gangsta rappers wil give him a dose of reality.
Ha....ah another one I see.
I have no idea why they "think" they will be rich and famous. Its the newest get rich quick schema it seems. I grew up right outside of Chicago...on the south side. I tell DH...SS needs to take his sorry @ss up there and see what real gansta is. Those "boys" will beat the ever loving tar out of him....and send him packing.
SS has lived in a suburb all his life and due to Dh's lucrative IT job...privileged. What is he going to rap about..not getting the latest $300 nikes?....smh
It's just a version of
It's just a version of Failure to Launch. My SS20 was going to be a professional gamer when he was younger. Now he's 20.5 and he knows that isn't happening, but he has no back-up plan, so he just does absolutely nothing.
I think you are right
SS will be living in his mama's basement for eternity. Just like Beaver's two brothers...one lives in the basement at 50..yes 50 and the other lives in the spare bedroom at 46.
My ss pulled this same shit aged 20.5
He messages his dad at work telling him he was free from this date to this date which was our 3rd wedding anniversary weekend and this was 2 days before our 3rd wedding anniverSary and ss message was all 3rd person point of view “person is free for you to take person and person’s sisters (aka sd23 & sd 13) for a holiday...”
he actually expected daddy to take 3 kids from the exwife aged sd23, ss20.5 & sd13 and assumed i was to remain home with 2 young kids aged 2.5 & 1.5.... NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Was all hubby got and why the friggin hell would i want to celebrate our wedding anniversary with his arsehole kids who would be rude to me, ignore and shun me, disrespect me and answer me back, then rant on non stop about bio mum and stepdad for our 3rd wedding anniversary which is meant to be our sexvacation...
i told hubby to take thise leeches alone and when he came back he’d be looking for wife #3!!
Hubby was in damage control and thank god for steptalk helping me through that rough 1 year of stepcrap. I changed dramatically in that 1 yr to stand up for myself against this shit!!
there are no trips we go on that skids are present- i refuse to go!!
hubby sure does the same bs “oh but they changed!! They apologized””
really hubby??? From where i stand they are he same leeches, disrespectful, shun us, ignore us, talk down to us and have never apologized to me!! Actions speak louder than words and they are all talk but never any actions to show they genuinely mean what they say!!”
dead silence from hubby!! I wouldn’t cave in ever op!! Its just doomed!!!
After one horrible shitshoe
After one horrible shitshoe of a vacation with ss a few years ago I swore never again. Life is too short for horrible vacations. Not sure why being an sm means having to suck it up and spend 24/7 w skids when you're supposed to be relaxing just because dh loves skid. He can take skid himself. No need to endure torture.
Clarify
So I should've mentioned: we are planning to take SS15 and SD14 with us. I get along with SS15 pretty well, and things have gotten better with SD14 since SS16 has been gone. So I get why he wanted to give all three kids the chance to go. But anyway, now it's thankfully a moot point.