Anyone else feel the funk?
I think I've realized this before, but I'm really feeling it today. Anytime SD is here, I get in such a funk.
I try to disengage, but it's hard. And I'm a just enough of a people person that I can't just ignore someone in my own house, especially when they have an effect on what happens in my house.
I really hope she goes home today, but seeing as it's almost 6pm and there's been no mention of a drop off time, she's probably staying another night. Oh goody (sarcasm).
Anyone else get in a funk when kids come around? I'm really starting to think I need to go see a professional.
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You are forcing yourself to
You are forcing yourself to stay in a situation that you do not like. I fear that therapy for *you* will not change the things you want/need changed.
There were many reasons I left my formerSO, but one of them was due to the cruel ways his son treated me and my baby (genetically his half brother). His son was out of school for summer for a week and I packed our things and left. It was unbearable. FormerSO did little to nothing to reign in his brat (who at 13 was much larger than I am).
While formerSO was trying to convince me to come back, he suggested that I should go to therapy to learn ways to cope with his son and all of the other reasons I left. What? Why should *I* go to therapy to learn ways to deal with cruel (and downright abusive) treatment! He thought *I* should be changed, when it was really he and his son that needed therapy/to change.
OP, is it *you* that needs to change, or is it really your husband and his child that need help?
^^^THIS^^^
All of it. So very much.
The fact that you have no
The fact that you have no idea whether or not the skid is spending the night tonight is enough to make anyone depressed. Who does know? Does DH, BM, or skid know? Being the last to know what is going on in your own home is the reason and all the therapy in the world won't cure it.
Yeah, that struck me too. I
Yeah, that struck me too. I can't imagine DH just doing as he pleased with visits and not telling me anything. Of course, we had a BM who tried to limit his time with SS, so when he left wasn't ever in question, it was always whether we'd see him at all.
But OP, there should be a plan for her time at your home, and any extension on that time should be discussed with you.
So many divorced parents have
So many divorced parents have this loosely defined, whatever the bioparents feel at the moment, unpredictable way of managing who sleeps where. I fee like it's a type of enmeshment and is a consequence of poor boundaries. It then requires constant communication with BM/BD about who is going to be where and when. I mean, it's fine i guess when all involved are happy with the situation but you know who is *never* happy with it? The unrelated spouse or SO of the bioparent, who is the one left out of this tight-knit loop of those who do all the deciding and communicating based on their constantly changing feelings and convenience. It's selfish to expect your spouse to live at the whim of you, BM, and your prior relationship child. It makes the one who is left out feel unsettled and uncomfortable in their own home. People who want to live like this should stay single until the kids age out, or have the decency ti change once they subject another person to their dysfunction.
Yes. I can put on a nice
Yes. I can put on a nice front for maybe 24 hours if SD13 is here beyond that I will start getting snappy. Short doses are tolerable but any longer than that and I become so annoyed with how my DH and anyone in his family who is around is up SDs ass. My tolerance got shorter after giving birth because SD constantly has to be touching my DD and drinking out of her sippy cups!!!
Then for the next week or so I have to hear my husband gush about how amazing SD is. By the end of the week he's the one in the funk because he was so sure this time would be different and SD would continue to call/message him. But she goes radio silent unless a holiday is coming up.
You need to find out how long
You need to find out how long she is staying for, that is not unreasonable. Once you know you can adjust your expectations and make plans outside of her visit. If you don't know you will be walking on eggshells and not knowing when you can relax again! Talk to your DH.
Absolutely.....
You are not alone. When SD is here...the entire energy changes in our home and not necessarily for the better. Sorry you feel that way....I've started doing things for myself when she is here. The pandemic kind of changed that recently...but I can still get out and go paddleboarding, take a drive, run "errands" which turns into grabbing coffee, lunch for myself and just taking a drive....that is how I survive.
Take care of you!