School issues
So, SS9's district has issued the following policy:
Parents choose one of three options for their children in the first semester.
1) Fully remote
2) Fully in class
3) Half the week in, half out
Ehatrver choice parents make stands for the semester.
Ex made it clear she wants option 1. DH told her he understood but that we might not be able to do that. I'm working remotely but could be called back in any time. DH has to go in at least 20% for the work week. But he could also be called in. And he's looking for a new job that may not even have that much flexibility.
He and I talked and decided we could agree to option 3. If something happened job-wise, we could swing half a week every other week better than all five days. Deadline is Friday so he texted her last night.
Guess what? She'd already submitted the form, choosing option 1. Knowing full well that DH wasn't on board and that they hadn't made a final decision.
DH says she told him she asked an attorney friend who works at my office and she told Ex that my office is flexible. So, of course, I'd be able to arrange to stay home.
Say what now?!?
Cue the "she signed up for this. She's responsible too."
No, I'm not. And no court would say I am. I don't mind staying with SS while DH goes to the office. But I won't jeopardize my career or put myself out for it. No judge would allow it either.
DH is talking about emailing his lawyer. Holding off at the moment. DH and Ex have always been able to cooperate. Hate for this to go nuclear and create a bad custody situation.
Do you have 50/50? I would
Do you have 50/50? I would speak to a lawyer. BM is creating a potential financial hardship for your DH if he had to take time off from work. The SM is not "responsible, too", sorry BM.
DH keeps telling me that he wants SSs to learn in a "fully remote" setting. He is the NCP, so I remind him that it's not his choice. We're not taking them in, so it's BM's choice. Can he express his opinion that he would prefer if they were fully remote? Yes, he can. Can she decide they will go back to school because she is in charge of day-to-day childcare? Yes, she can and I'm not negotiating us taking SSs in, because they are fully remote. My SSs will be in high school, so don't need childcare, but they already drive BM crazy on a good day and I'm the only one in our household who can work from home, so I won't be driven crazy by them.
Yes, it's totally 50/50. They
Yes, it's totally 50/50. They've always cooperated well before this. I get fears over the virus, I do. But the main point here is that she made a unilateral decision that could have a huge impact on us. (Might not, but that's beside the point.)
Is she prepared to pick SS up
Is she prepared to pick SS up every school day during your DH's time, keep him with her until your DH gets home from work and be in charge of his education for the semester? If not, your DH should contact the school and elect the half-time option. BM doesn't get to make a decision like that, and you should NOT be expected to handle any of this unless you choose to do so as a favor to your DH.
At one point (a couple of
At one point (a couple of weeks ago), she told DH she would do that. Her work is remote through November and has said they'll be flexible.
I agree. It's not her call. Especially when it comes to me. As I told DH, in our state, I have no legal rights to it responsibility for SS. Even if child support should come into play, my salary wouldn't factor in.
I should add that DH doesn't
I should add that DH doesn't believe she would actually follow through (or not for long).
If what BM choose has to
If what BM choose has to stand for the semester and her at home is scheduled to end in November, full remote wasn't a good choice. What are her plans if she has to go back to the workplace?
She says they're going to be
She says they're going to be flexible with parents. So she's probably counting on that. That and her parents. They already keep him at least two nights a week on her weeks anyway.
Our schools allow changes
I don't know how your school is set up but here we are asked to choose how the children will start school. They understand that as circumstances change, so will that decision. I may or may not get called back to work. The virus may or may not get better or worse. So here at least they understand that this is a very fluid choice.
Check in with your school perhaps? It might be that the choice you make at the beginning is not necessarily carved in stone for the entire year.
If it can't be changed, I would call the school and let them know that the children will be going to school on your time. BM can make unilateral decisions for her time, but not yours unless she's going to facilitate all the driving.
Ours aren't that flexible. If
Ours aren't that flexible. If you decide at mid-term you'd rather have your child home, you can do that. But you can't decide to put them in class until January.
Just make sure you don’t become
The babysitter. Kid has A BM and BF. They will have to work it out