Hire the lawyer or not
About 3 weeks ago DH went to mediation for primary custody of SS9. It went as well as one would guess they didn't agree on anything. my issue is this, DH primary complaint is that BM is neglectful and a drug addict (he has had many reports from people close to BM that she is smoking meth and makes many trips to the city to buy) yet when the mediator aasked if DH wanted to order BM to take a hair strand drug test (at our expense ) he said NO! DH had a lawyer with him and she was floored,she said she couldn't bring the drug usage up as a complaint if there was nothing to back it up. I was pissed becasue I couldn't understand his thinking. He says he will wait until they go to court and let the judge order it. his lawyer says that the judge may or may not order one. but again this was his chance to have one up on her and he let her slide in my opinion. He got his letter for his court date in september, the lawyer added a note to contact her if he was interested in retaining her additional services becasue we only paid her a flat fee for the mediation. I am not asking anything about this, he read the letter if he wants the lawyer he can call her and ask how much per hour she is going to charge ( i am sure at least $300 ph). I lost a little respect for my DH when he didn't request the drug test and I was angry becasue I know she would have failed it. As far as i am concerned he is on his own with this, I hope that he doesn't get primary custody becasue honestly I get a little overwhelmed with SS here. he has been with us since early June and isn't leaving until mid August. He has absolutely no regard for me or anything I say, as soon as I say don't do something he does it and DH actually laughs when I tell him. He isn't capable of being a full time father and I don't want to be a full time mom again. Am i wrong for not caring ?
No. You can't care more than
No. You can't care more than the bio parent. It makes NO sense that he filed for custody based on BM suspected drug use but then isn't going to request a drug test? What was the point of even filing? People saying that she does drugs likely wouldn't be enough for her to lose custody, hard proof would be needed. What was he thinking??
the car ride home
Needless to say the car ride home was very quite. I told DH that it was the biggest waste of time and money and that if I had thought that was what he would have done as far as the drug test we wouldn't have had the lawyer. I suggested the lawyer becasue i wanted to make sure he had the advantage but he threw it out the window. Now I wait for him to reread the letter that he got from the lawyer and dare ask me to call her. Stupid stupid stupid DH
should have been a NO BRAINER
BM is a recovering addict as is DH they hooked up while in rehab and are now stuck with each other for another 9 years. BM has 4 other kids each has a different daddy. Her oldest was taken from her early and raised by the fathers family. She lost custody of her other 3 to her ex husband and only has visitation. DH says that she had to be regularly tested to see them, that was years ago. Now she is a train wreck, she does mimial work, sleeps all day and gets high at night with her BF and apparently broke a bone in her back and is on crutches. Since SS has been with us he has gained weight becsue all he does is eat and the dark circles under his eyes are gone. I feel bad for this kid, he has 2 looser parents yes I called DH a looser parent becasue he had the chance to one up that crazy B**** and didn't.
Unfortunately, you can't
Unfortunately, you can't discount the possibility that he has had a lapse in the recent past with his drug use and didn't want to start the "testing" because he felt he was also likely to be pulled in for it.. and was concerned about failing.
Obviously, a court isn't going to make huge life altering decisions without the facts. They won't use baseless accusations.. without the proof that your SO refused to request.. it is really only a rumor.. not what the judge would believe necessarily.
Did he object to the fact that he would have to pay for the testing? he certainly must realize that by now having to go to court... it would end up being much more expensive than if he had gotten the upper hand with a test result in mediation..and perhaps he would have not had to look at going to court?
Your DH is just playing games.
Or BM. Has something on your DH he doesn't want you to know about ? Maybe if he request a drug test on BM. BM would request a drug test on DH.
There no reason to pay for a lawer when your DH does not want to win waste of money.
I"m not calling her
I am going to tell DH that if he plans on using the lawyer he has to call her and ask how much she is going to charge (which he wont), I am sure it will be at least $300 ph with $1500 retainer. I'm not making the call for him. I don't doubt that he was floored by the cost of the test $200 I would have gladly paid it becasue I knew it was soemthing that he needed her to fail to stand any chance of getting his son. I have the attitude right now that I don't care what happens. SS has been here now for 5 or 6 weeks ( lost count) and Im at my wits end.
I will comment on the lawyer
I will comment on the lawyer and your questionable choice of mates separately.
An attorney is often referred to as a "counselor" for a reason. They advise on legal issues. Preparation being the better part of success he should engage a legal "counselor".
Now... you chose to make a life with a drug addict... really?
Past behavior being the best indicator or future performance, lease explain that thought process.
I will comment on the lawyer
I will comment on the lawyer and your questionable choice of mates separately.
An attorney is often referred to as a "counselor" for a reason. They advise on legal issues. Preparation being the better part of success he should engage a legal "counselor".
Now... you chose to make a life with a drug addict... really?
Past behavior being the best indicator or future performance, lease explain that thought process.