*****PROBLEMS PLEASE HELP!!!
I know that this may not be relevant to this site because its about Step Parents but I have a situation that I do not know who to go to!!!
Long story short... My ex and I share 1 (5yo) daughter. I live in a neighbor state of where he lives (we live in diffrent states). Basically we had never gotten along after we broke up or after we had our daughter. After she was born I caught him cheating with his now GF and this is the ONE of the reasons why we broke it off. This has been over 5 years ago and I am now married and have children with my husband. I knew our relationship wasnt going to go anywhere after our daguhter because we are just 2 completetly diff people (what I am saying is that him cheating wasnt the only reason why we broke up, we mutually didnt have romantic feeling for each other).
Anyway ever since we broke up he has been really petty, mad mad mad. I try to get along with him for the sake of my daughter to have both her parents involved but I feel like he just hates hates hates me. Everytime I ask him to attend a birthday party or like an even that has to do with DD he has a major attitude and says no (I have made it clear that he can bring his GF along) but has never attended unless it involves me not being a part of it.
we have gone to court on everything, he never just comes to me and tries to agree on something, he just always takes me to court. Its been like this for the last 4 years. I dont have enough money to hire an attorney because its just too much money to get one everythime he decides to take me to court. I have always had to represent myself and always end up winning because the judges can sniff the ego out of him. Anyway last court order we have was from August 2019... basically stating that DD should be dropped off half way every other Friday and picked up on Sunday night during the school year (she lives with me FT). During winter vacation he should have her 1 week out of her 2 weeks off. And during summer vacation he should have her 1 week (every rotating week Sun-Sun) for the exception of her summer camp that goes for 4 weeks Mon-Frid. He agreed with court that he will allow her to attend the camp.....( we have this in a court order). Now that her camp will be starting next week (he basically goes back to rotating weekends only until her camp is over), he is telling me that he is not going to allow her to attend because it has been cancel and that i am lying about her camp (which it hasn't and I am not) and basically if I take her and not allow him to have her every other week (like he is now) then the court will "hold me contempt for lying and for whitholding our daughter from him" (I have sent him proof of everything.) Keep this behind your mind (he does not pay child support, insurance, out of pocket expenses, basically doesnt follow what he needs to follow.) I stil continue to follow what our agreement says and he decides to constantly harrass me about this and many other things that he can basically come up with. I don't have legal experiance and cannot afford one. Can anyone assist or have similar experiance that can give me advice? PLEASE!! Everytime this comes up I become really panicky because I dont have an attorney and I have to handle everything on my own.
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So...if you always end up
First off, if you've never really gotten along, stop inviting him to parties you host. Its weird and he's going to keeping saying no.
And if you always end up winning anyhow, what are you worried about? Personally, I don't think camp should be a higher priority than dad's custody time. So you could just agree with that and avoid court all together...
Or just show up and win because vagina.
Understand you
Yea I see where you are coming from, I dont invite him to any parties or antything anymore. And regarding camp, if he felt that strong about it he shouldnt have agreed to it in the first place because he now decides to trow a tantrum again.
Most guys agree to stupid
Most guys agree to stupid court orders because they can't afford to fight every little damn thing the bm tries to control. Others agree to stupid court orders because judges side with vagina because vagina.
Also, there wasn't a pandemic last August and reputable camps weren't closing to protect kids and their families. What the hell kind of people are still operating camps right now?!
He has always had an attorney
He has always had an attorney to represent him, and he just take me back to court for petty bs.... I havent taken himj to court for anything, not even for not paying child support???? so he plays dumb when he wants?
I dont have an attorney and never had an attorney
Ok? You state very clearly
Ok? You state very clearly that you always win in court, even without an attorney. So again, why are you even worried?
Are you pissed off because he won't just agree with you unilaterally deciding three weeks of archery and crafting is more important than his time with her?
You don't even need an attorney to enforce child support. The state will do that for you if he gets too far in arrears.
....
I AM pissed off because I feel like I am the only one trying to have a decent relationship for our child! Is this a crazy thing to ask for? I asked him if it would be fine for our daughger to attend a camp that will help her intreact with other kids (my DD is Disbled and there are activities for Disbled kids) and he said YES.... now she will be attending it and its a NO....
The state hasnt done nothing reharding this, they told me I have to take him back to court so they find him contempt because he lied about his employer and wages.
When you told him about the
When you told him about the camp, did you mention he would lose two full weeks of time with her? Every freaking summer for now until eternity since its in the court order? Does that actually sound fair to you?
He did have a lawyer who
He did have a lawyer who presumably could have explained this to him. It is not up to the OP to dumb everything down and explain in detail the consequences of what he agreed to.
Has always
Has always had an attorney.
Yes
Yes I told him that he would loose 2 weeks of having her because she will be attending this camp, and he agreed. Fair for who? fair for him or fair for our daughter? Yes I think its fair for my daughter to attend a camp even if it takes 2 weeks away from me or him. Especially when I have gave up 2 weeks of MY time for him to have her extra days because of this camp.
Legally all you can do right
Legally all you can do right now is send a warning message/letter that you expect the schedule to stay the same this summer as you don't agree to any changes and have sent him plently of proof that the camp is happening. Warn him that if he deviates from the schedule you will consider your legal options.
Only when he goes against the court order despite you clearly stating to him in writing that you do not agree can you do anything. Call or go and see your the clerk in your local court house and they should help you work out which forms you need to fill in to file contempt for him violating the court order.
Exactly- follow the CO. If
Exactly- follow the CO. If he does anything to mess with the camp that he agreed to then file contempt against him.
You have to be found guilty of contempt. If you aren't guilty of contempt- because you are following the CO- then there is nothing to worry about. It is an empty threat.
Also- Stop being so nice. Start looking at this as professional relationship. There are things that you need to report to him as the father, facts- School info and grades, health issues and concerns, sports, etc. - If it doesn't fall into the "reporting" zone, don't talk to him. Keep all messages with no emotion- just facts. Stop inviting him, stop trying to include his GF. Parallel parent for your own sanity.
Regarding the CS issue
Regarding the CS issue contact your states CS enforcement agency and the one in his state as well. Unless he's working under the table, he will get caught eventually.
As for the summer camp issue, that will need to be addressed in the CO for future and make sure it's iron clad, but it should go both ways, should he enroll SD in a camp on his parenting time, then you will not get her back until camp is completed.
I agree with BethAnne
Call or go and see your the clerk in your local court house and they should help you work out which forms you need to fill in to file contempt for him violating the court order.
If child support is stating you need to go back to court and file an order in finding him for contempt, the clerk at the local courthouse can help with that too.
It may take an hour or so out of your time to visit the court house. Bring your original custody papers and your ex's address, they may need your case number. If you don't bring them, they may charge a fee. My courthouse only charged a fee of about $12.00 to pull up the case number. The clerk will tell you which papers to fill out, help you fill them out and file them.
do parallel parenting. stick
do parallel parenting. stick to the court rulling. He is not your friend.
As a BM myself, i have saved
As a BM myself, i have saved a lot of drama by following the CO to the letter whenever possible, limiting communication to informing my ex of necessary things, and not planning or doing joint anything. We get along great lol! And by that i mean our interaction is minimal and business only. If my ex has a problem with something, i refer him back to the CO. It is very comprehensive and covers everything. We did it through a mediator and both our lawyers, it took a whole day, and it was the best money i ever spent.
I only talk to him if information must be exchanged because we both have to act on it. One of the kids is sick? I only tell him if i'm about to bring them to his house and there's something he will be required to do or monitor. If they are sick but will be with me for the next week - unless it's a severe illness requiring hospitalization, i don't call him to talk about it. The less you require and expect of an ex, the better.
Day camps are open here in NY
Day camps are open here in NY. We have a 1% COVID rate and the camps have to take extra precautions. Just saying.
Yeah ...and an idiot co
Yeah ...and an idiot co-worker just brought her three kids to Universal Studios. So our low infection rates in Mn aren't going to stay that way for very long at all. I'm not sending my kid to camp or school where kids of dumbass parents will be attending and coughing COVID all over the place.
Fair enough. That's your
Fair enough. That's your choice. Everyone may not feel the same way as you, though.
Always these type of people
Eveyone has their own opinion on the pandemic, in my state we are one of the few to not have high cases and the camp only has 3 kids per group in an open concept camp. People get so worked up becasuse they have to deal with a bitter a** BM. Trust me my husband and I have one of those, we know how that is. Thanks to my DH i have been able to see that there are great men out there that do care for the good of their children. He is also always on time with CS and always there for when his BM needs help. He leaves all the BS aside for his son. I am not expecting for my X to be like my husband since everyone is diffrent in their own way. but he does not have to be Di** all the time. Not all mothers are like people want to paint them, im not here to prove anything to anyone just simply asking what you think I should do when it comes to him not following a court order.
I know of people sending
I know of people sending their kids to camp and to day care here, out of necessity. They have to work, and also, their school-age kids need some socialization and play time. As I said, our COVID rate is low and everyone is following strict guidelines that are science-based, not get-Trump-reelected-based. I'd send a kid to camp here right now. Probably not if I lived in Florida or Arizona, though.
If there were camps open I
If there were camps open I would be sending mine. My DD is taking surf lessons this summer in CA. I can't wait to get them back in sports and I am a huge supporter of schools re-opening. I don't blame the OP at all for sending her kid to camp!
I loved going to camp as a
I loved going to camp as a kid and I was a counselor in high school. They were some of my favorite memories but no way would I be sending a kid to camp this summer if you have other options. After seeing the article below about it doing through that camp and there was a YMCA camp closed in my area for positive cases as well I wouldn't take the chance.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.insider.com/christian-summer-camp-misso...