13 yr.SS following me into the bathroom
My 13 year old Ss followed me into the bathroom asking me what I'm doing. I said I'm going to the Bathroom can you step out please. He said you dont have to go to the bathroom I said walk out the door now! He wouldn't leave so I took him by the arm and escorted him out. I locked the door and he began to shove on it and jutted the door open but was still closed because of the lock. After almost peeing on myself after jumping off the toilet pulled myself together and opened the door and lit into him.I proceeded to go out and find his dad and let him know that this is unacceptable and I will not tolerate it. He said your right. Made him apologize later, which wasent much of an apology.
Next day talking w/ adults outside, asked for my hotspot on my phone, I said No after several times of Nagging and saying No he reaches into my pocket and grabs my phone and runs into the house. Next day I confront him in front of his Dad. He claims he never walked into the bathroom or asked what I was doing and denied pushing on the door. He then said he took the phone as a joke. I said that's not funny his Dad back me and lit into him spanked his rear end for being belligerent while telling me I was lying. He started crying after his Dad told him I know you would do that, you've done it to me. He then told SS to get out of the house and he ran outside. Later Husband wanted me to go and hug him. I later put my hand on his head and he pushed it off. Later that day while at work my husband texted to tell me he took him to go get new Jean's and socks and took him to an El Salvadorian restaurant to expand his culinary taste. I'm thinking WTF!!!!! I was mad and thought you rewarded him for lying and never made him apologize.
I don't hand out this advice
I don't hand out this advice at the first blog very often, but leave. The bathroom incident is very disturbing. At 13, he definitely knows that's super wrong, but he had zero problems doing it. Couple that with the fact he received zero consequences for doing it, this kid is going to assault you or worse one day. Please leave and never look back.
ETA: your bf is a terrible parent. First, you don't spank a freaking 13 year old. And making them apologize isn't a consequence. Bf is treating his kid like a preschooler and it's only going to get worse from here on out.
Yes, please heed this advice.
Yes, please heed this advice.
This sounds exactly like something that would have happened with my formerSO and his deranged kid.
FormerSO would "talk to kid", but then run out and buy some high cost item(s) because "kid felt bad". He didn't feel bad, honestly I'm certain he felt no empathy whatsoever. He did learn what emotions looked like to manipulate his dad though. The "look" of emotion would turn off and on like a switch. It was creepy to see.
I have absolutely nothing to
I have absolutely nothing to add to this beebeek said exactly what I had to say.
Welcome to the site!
Your SS is a psychopath in the making.
This is creepy, a 13 yo
This is creepy, a 13 yo trying to break into the bathroom when you are in it. And your SO is a weird mix of almost-abusive (he hits a 13 yo on the butt and tells him to "get out of the house"? What did that mean, he was kicked out?) and coddling (he takes him out to dinner and buys him clothes?).
Ugh, I'd demand some sort of marriage counseling for you two and a therapist for SS, if you plan to stay.
The kids actions are beyond
The kids actions are beyond weird, it's downright aggressive. He's testing to see how far physically he can go with you. Is he bigger than you now, or will soon be? I agrre that it will escalate. Esp. with your BF who doesn't have any repercussions.
You can not have a redder flag then this.
Your BM let his kid assault you. And did nothing about it. This is the great man of your dreams? Yes that assault. Never let crazy kid in your home again until hen gets help. What most likely will do no good.
start a care package for this kid when he gets put I nto jail
If he ever pulls a stunt like
If he ever pulls a stunt like this again, call the cops and tell them what's happening and that you're scared. Let him know now how you will deal with him before this escalates any further.
Good for your DH for spanking
Good for your DH for spanking this kids butt. However, the guilt shopping and dinner makes this entire shallow and polluted gene pool a complete write off.
Move on, go enjoy your life. Do not have any further contact with any of them.
Update
I moved out and bought my own house for a year. Moved back after selling the house and I want to leave again. This SS is now 17 and responsible but has zero friends and is consumed with himself. He is completely Narcissistic and is a loner. Argumentive, still coddled and his Dad I realized hasn't changed with him. I'm strong enough to leave again and most likely will. Been running into walls with the both of them. I thought me being back here would be a good thing but his Son is just a bigger arrogant brat now. My husband doesn't understand and never will.
Why on earth did you sell
Why on earth did you sell your house and move back in? Yikes!!
When dealing with Disneyland
When dealing with Disneyland Dads / this generation of men.....always keep your own piece of real estate....juuuust in case
Men will treat you worse if they think you can't/wont leave them and their xxl heavy duty industrial grade baggage
Back out again hopefully too
Back out again hopefully too
Doesn't sound like anything has changed. If nothing has changed.. Why stay?
YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!! Then NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!
I was about to build the alter of worship to your SO as an actual dad, man, partner with balls... until he felt guilty and coddled his toxic failed prior family crotch nugget with the shopping trip and culinary Disney dad bullshit.
IMHO, and I know this will not get much support, the spanking was long over due. Rather than the guilt coddling, it should have been followed by a month of complete and total grounding. No electronics, no nothing, but sitting his ass in an uncomfortable seat by himself contemplating his navle from 6 AM until bedtime other than when doing hard labor duties and writing thousands upon thousands of sentences highlighting his idiocy, lies, thieving, and disrespectful bullshit.
Damn. There for a second, I thought we had a good one. A good partner, man, and father, but nope. Just a tease.
*dirol*
Then, I saw the date of the orignial post. Shit parents like this are not parner material. And for sure not as a retread after failing so miserably the first time in a relationship with the SParent.
Why I moved back?
Why I moved back after a year? Well not exactly a year I've moved 3 separate times in 4 years. I bought a house in the next town over, husband and I kept in touch, disengaged with step kids altogether, Husband understood my problems with his inability to give consequences for any behavior and after this last year thought that it would have made an impact as well as time for Ss to have matured. This last week has shown me nothing has changed much with either, I woke up to use the bathroom and Ss was in there with door locked, I knocked, he opened the door with electric toothbrush in mouth, held up pointer finger and shut door in my face. TMI warning) (my bladder is full and having very difficult time holding) I knock at the door, waiting...waiting, go sit at chair in dining room so I don't have an accident, hearing the electric toothbrush continue on and on and on. I knock some more only to be ignored. By this time I'm calling for his Dad, he comes out of the bedroom and softly calls to his son through the door. Proceeds to walk into the next room exasperated and says to me, can't you just go outside! Shouting, What do you want me to do break the door down!!? I said break the door down? That's such an exaggeration!! so you don't have to deal with your son? But you expect me to pee outside so your son can be a little shit. He finally came out after brushing his teeth which felt like forever, big smile across his face saying what?? with his hands held up like John Travolta when he played in Grease, his Dad calling him out on it, but the worse for me was him asking me to pee outside! Please tell me how you would handle this because my daughter told me that's effed up Mom. My husband doesn't think anything's wrong with it because it's a hobby farm. I'm not an animal, I told him, for you to ask me to pee outside is just degrading because you didn't want to press your son. I'm ready to leave again because I really feel devalued after that. My husband told me today I'm not dedicated to this marriage and never have been.
I'd've been tempted
I'd've been tempted to pee in his damn bed. Move out and never go back.
I'd be packing as soon as I
I'd be packing as soon as I left that bathroom. There is not a hope you see.
Do y'all not have a master
Do y'all not have a master bathroom or why is everyone sharing one bathroom?
Anyways yeah you're the elder so he should have gotten out for you. Women don't pee outdoors like men can do. Unless dire emergency. This was not emergency this was a Disneyland Dad refusing to teach his son some home training, respect for his elders/wife.
Tell daddy that if it happens
Tell daddy that if it happens again you will do your business on his idiot son's bed.
No Master bathroom, this is a
No Master bathroom, this is a 1920s Farmhouse, on a farm. After 4 years of writing and listening to sound advice on this forum, I finally sat DH down and let him hear what others have said about him. (Especially Rags) coming from a man and hearing what Rags had to say he finally said I should have done more, I should've gave him consequences. I told him this last time was extremely disrespectful to suggest I go outside to use the bathroom. After reading these post my own confirmation and convictions are clear as glass. I'm well equipt to care for myself, I don't need a man to live with. I honestly was trying even from a distance by living in another home to make a difference in this family who's own Mother left 15 years ago. I'm 99% sure she lost her mind with 3 kids from a previous 2 marriages then the 3rd marriage to this man I'm married to and they went on to have 6 more children. I don't think she got the support she needed and went off the deep end and left everyone and went to a different state never to see them again. Now 5 years later I understand her, my husband being a Pilot constantly gone did not want to parent up by punishing or giving consequences for bad behaviors. This is the result, 1 wife who left everyone and now another wife will leave again. Last kid at home the 13 yo who is now 4 years later 17 years old. Sorry this was such a book but all of you have really helped me. My advice I give now to people, don't marry anyone who has kids!!
he finally said I should have
he finally said I should have done more, I should've gave him consequences...
HORSEPUCKEY. This is the craptastic excuse he uses because he's a craptastic father. He wants YOU to be the bad guy so he can can apologize to his craptastic son that it is YOUR fault and daddy is on his poor pwecious poopsie's side. How DARE any interrupt pwecious poopsie while he's being SUCH a good boy and bwushing his wittle toofies!
He's not fit to be a father and he most certainly is not fit to be a partner. What a namby pamby! You could find a better "man" in an adult toy store. Good riddance!