I have been in my relationship for 10 years married for 6.  When it came to the step children we didnt have issues, at 14 my step daughter came to live with us at the time her mom(not real but only one she knew) was apparently being mean, didnt love her etc so my husband picked her up and brought her home.  I have endured a lot from mom I tried to work with her I tolerate her we can be in the same room but I have no respect for her.  My SD used to call me when her mom was speaking to her and the remarks about myself to children were uncalled for.  I stepped up to her and told her to stop that children dont belong in divorces which I told my husband as well.  They used them for communication etc.  I told them both stop calling this one that name etc pick up a phone and deal with yourselves leave kids out of it.  I felt so bad for my other SD that I stepped back because everyone was telling her all kinds of things so I left it to my husband and his ex as my SD started showing aniexty and stress which she shoukdnt have to go through simply because she liked me.  I dont regret the decision.  We had great family times we blended well if SD had issues with mom in would tell her talk to your mom tell her how you feel to listen your mom is who she is deal with it, it's not going to change she's your mom so talk to her.  Yet to her mom I was bad mouthing her, when SD tried to talk to she was told they were my words not her own and I can't even involved.  Fast forward my SD had some issues with interpersonal relationships with females there was bullying but she just couldnt stop causing drama by getting involved in things that didnt pertain with her.  She even created a hate facebook page about herself.  I went to the school went off my stick got the task force which was already involved to look into it only to find out she made it herself.  I wanted her to get help dad said no. When she got her boyfriend her family became shit, her grades dropped so I put back in place 24 hour rule, which meant you need to plan and give notice, she was pissed she wanted to sleep over at his house dad said no but I had to enforce it, it was always you better deal with that or I will and no one wants that.  The compromise we allowed him to stay at our house and one of the step brothers stayed in the same room wit him fast forward he breaks up with her  before prom and she loses her bean saying it's all my fault and her dads fault.  She even went to her moms house on mother's day which was out of routine for the last 6 years and I walk home after work the  monday because mom decides to call dad and tell him the break up is all his fault and push his buttons and caused even more drama and bullshit in my home which I've been dealing with for now 7 years.  The room is a mess SD is freaking out o look at her and say are you happy, your boyfriend breaking up with you has nothing to do with us because of a rule give me a break I look at her and say what the hell do you want because I'm not having this anymore in my home so tell me and I'll work on it.  I have always been close with my SD she went everywhere with me, until now.  Something to know Dad has had anger issue his whole life and was getting help or so I thought I realized later he only went to one appointment and was taking meds unmonitored. So SD stated she wanted to love in with her uncle and aunt because they understood her.  I let things calm down and continued to go work, dad again wasnt doing so well so he wasnt working he was hanging out at coffee shops and everytime I got home SD was in our bed cuddled with dad, the conversation would abruptly stop.  At this time husband also started to talk to other women on his phone "they're just friends"  him and daughter started leaving the house I wasnt invited actually he never took me anywhere anymore so I worked trying to keep a roof over our head.  I though maybe a family vacation told SD to take 3 weeks off work and we with the kids at home went on vacation.  We had so much fun dealt with miss moodie sleeping everytime we were in the car and  ot really caring about certain things but she certainly could care about her ex calling.  She even befriended a new person on facebook she met I think now just to make the ex jealous because phone calls became more frequent.  Anyways fast forward we are now home and things start to go down hill. Hubby disappears stays out all night, comes back saying him and SD stayed in his truck.  Then comes back accusing step brothers of being mean I asked if he read the messages because I had and he said no he hadnt I say go back and read them and if they are gone I have the full conversation next thing I knew he came back saying he deleted all the messages am I happy now I, not really the point why is lying, then he goes into her room and they laugh like school girls I'm mad and tell him to leave this is not funny so he does.  I pack up his shit because I know there is more going on.  He comes back with flowers telling me that he spent the night at a females house just a friend hes sorry his daughter sees his stuff and says see dad I told you she would be like this. She decides she wants to go in residence I said it wasnt a good idea, however she went around telling everyone I kicked her out with nothing. Fast forward a couple of months she is now moved in with ex boyfriend because the girls at the residence were mean to you at this point I had disengaged from her, she told me I didnt love her I hated her and only wanted her out because all I cared about is my own kids. In nov I told him to leave after catching him on the phone so he did he comes back the next day with police thinking that he could take what he wanted he learned he couldnt he left, I will say he had 2 "female friends" helping him as well as his daughter drawing happy faces on the boxes like school kids and I still have no idea what I've done but go to work and support my family. The next day all the kids were getting phone calls and messages he had taken a mistake he didnt want this he loves his wife.  He stays outside my house until o get home.  SD calls 32 times texts I dont know how many more telling him to fuck off she hates him she is never speaking to him again.  He moves back in, SD now refers to us as those people, and talks so much trash lies and bs it's not even funny.  I disengaged completely had the kids celebrate christmas with dad alone.  He left on christmas day, came back new years day, left again  to stay at his brothers this time after an incident  where he told everyone on Facebook I stole his plow truck, that I was cheating on him and drove around with daughter saying that when he found me and who I was with he was going to smash into me.  I took the truck because he wouldnt get up we had contracts and didnt want to lose them so I went out myself. The post of facebook was my son and his girlfriend fed by SD and then she kept commenting on it as my husband it was our facebook actually not just his.  I was just proud of myself and posted a pic on there girls rock we can help when needed or something to that affect which also got ripped apart.  I had my cousin come over after she read it.  My hubby shows up daughter in tow next thing I know this other woman "just a friend shows" up and hubby is acting crazy like I told him to get out and then told her to get off my property I receive a text from her i was only there for you and your marriage i ddint do anything i invited her over for coffee with my hubby and me to get everything out in the open her response i never slept with your husband.  He decides he loves his wife and moves back into the home feb.  SD calls going ballistic he says I'm spending time with my wife sets up dinner with all the adults kids in the home includes sister.  After dinner we go to coffee shop.  I am not speaking...she cries and says she's sorry she misses me and I look at her and said you believed your father that I cheated on him and you validated it do you have any idea what you did to us at home.  I love you but this is going to take time this isnt I'm sorry and everything is all good this is something that is going to take time.  Dad starts to go weird again I can see an episode I reaxh out to step son and step daughter and she verifies for me all I need to know she says it's just my dad figuring out what he wants you think I feel sorry for you you're crying I dont.  He did nothing for my birthday was no where to be found for mother's day,  I took of my wedding rings and said if you cant be faithful in this marriage why should I wear rings that dont mean shit. He is getting to leave for work and says this isn't a marriage why dont you just move out I told him he was getting his wish then he changed his tune saying he will just move downstairs I can stay upstairs.  I told him dont worry about it because I had already set up movers and a truck, place for my kids I was leaving.  So I did I text him and told him I was leaving everything is done and I left no contact.  He found me a few weeks later at my aunt's he wouldnt leave I spoke to him he told me about the other woman I already knew 2 days after I left the other woman didnt come fast enough he told SD call your mom is she coming (this is beyond cruel because her real mom is dead hit by drunk driver and she never knew her) she didnt even call me mom and we were close she responded she'll be there dad she us at the trailer yes the same woman who was there for my marriage trying to help me put.  So he went to the hospital put himself on a 72 hour hold and who shows up at the hospital but her. I told hu by I cant do this that I am not an option or sloppy seconds in my own marriage.  He says soul mate your my everything 10 years I dont want her I want you and I go to his new apartment clean out our home and follow through on getting my own place for my kids.  SD again goes ballistic then calls saying daddy we need help with the car hubby goes and who is there but the other woman, he comes home and tells me.  I say this is not right SD cant do this it's so wrong.  It doesnt stop there he moves 6 weeks later new place invites same woman over there when she leaves calls me upset I'm celebrating sons birthday without him he attempts to ruin our day.  He comes around telling me texting me he loves me yet I cant get a hold of him.  Knowing he is up to no good i start going out she shows up at my house demanding why I'm dressed up, where am i going SD calls where is he she's at his house.  I get texts messages threatening to divorce me if he finds out I'm with someone else Oct he finally admits he had an affair and you guessed it he wants his wife he loves his wife.  SD sends pictures of her crying saying why do you do this to me you dont love me, and text messages that the other woman has sent her hoping I would see them where its babe i love you dont be like that.  I already know i am not stupid.  But its 10 years and he is my everything, I love him with all that I am so I take him back but he keeps his own place I keep mine.  Then he is shady again daughter wants to talk to him I say fine but if anyone shows up that's it he leaves.  230 am he is  not answering and he didnt come back he was supposed to meet her at 9pm I drive to the apartment and who is there the other woman o yell from my window she can have him throw his meds out the window and drive away he calls I'm yelling I call out SD behaviour because of course she is with him she needs a ride home am I calm no I'm not I'm  pissed off and I dont think anyone at this point blames me. Sd hangs up the phone.  I should mention now that in sept hubby was formally diagnosed with anti social personality disorder with borderline sarcastic traits.  The reason for his affair is I didnt pay enough attention to him and he didnt want to anger his daughter who calls the other woman mom. He comes back and then decides he doesn want a marriage again o  Christmas with all our kids coming.  I say whatever change my number after a facebook post telling everyone that he hasnt been happy in 3 years in our marriage and he is going into he new year with this other woman and how he is going to give her everything blah blah. And then tries to tell me that it's funny how I assume it's a women it's his cat. Whatever.  He starts texting new years eve I should be there through friends one is not strong enough to deal with the manipulation and I take the call.  I dont let him come over and celebrate new years eve alone with friends.  The next day I wish him well and tell him I am giving him the work phone etc. Thisnstarts conversation and next thing I know he is coming back home everything is done SD pictures text same ole same ole dad stick to guns okay maybe this time will be different.  We get a new place move in together things are great feb daughter visits starts shit saying he is asking about the other woman I have had enough he admits he was asking about her child whom he really bonded with as she was sick and I tell him enough.  He stops tells his daughter to stop and when she is ready she is always welcome. Sd starts to come over we play a few board game seems to be good fast forward to april she has issue with step brother not sure why but she is now 19 doesnt live at home and he is 15 going through his own things I'm sure it's nothing but she calls me her dad friend of my son.  I hubby gets pissed off tells me I better deal with it, then all of sudden hubby turns and I'm in the middle people are trying to keep things calm people getting pushed and when I finally get hubby calmed down SD calls and I lose my shit I tell her she is almost 20 grow the fuck up if you're brother doesnt want to talk to you respect the damn boundary that is your issue you dont respect peoples boundaries and you have no care more concern of what you cause here I am 46 years old I am too old for this shit I'm too damn tired I've been doing it for 10 years.  SD goes off her stick I hate you dad why would you do that dad you have to ruin everythigndad dont ever speak to me again I'm done with you.  And just like that hubby was leaving again.  Then he stayed spoke to SD in private so much for never speaking to him and everything is peachy keen.  SD doesnt believ diagnosis but knows her dad lies and manipulates her but doesnt care.  Ever since then its daughter daughter daughter nothing for anniversary disappeared all mothers day although he came back with flowers and a card.  On his birthday he stayed in  bed started his shit with his daughter again posting bullshit  posts she tells other SD that he is going to leave she calls dad asking if it's TRUE but doesnt say anything to daughter who said it.  But says yay I gwt to live another day causing this vicious cycle to start again so I get on the conversation and simply tell her not to worry dads ok we are taking care of him because i know he is trying to worry her like he always does.  Then i call him and tell him to knock his shit off with the posts the yay crap and to stop triggering his daughter it's disgusting only to read the incoming message from SD which only confirms that I'm all bad and evil again so i respond good to know didnt realize we had gone back again ( I had just helped her get back into her dentist due to covid because she was in pain and he didnt want to see her) but okay I will once again respect her wishes and stay out of her life.  So I disengaged again and what does it get me a facebook post saying happy birthday to the other woman with pictures of my husband, her on my couch wearing my business name hoodies she could have picked any pictures I'm sure she has a million because my SD has been taught that you just replace people and you lie and manipulate to get what you want when you want it   I disnt see the post right away but the day of the post my hubby didnt come home until 9pm and treated me like shit walked right past me and went to bed even though I held supper waiting for him why because the pictures on the post proved that when I asked him for the truth that there wasnt any more that could come out he said no I knew it all and this proved I didnt.  I put hubby on the couch.  He said things like i might have to deal with this next year or the year after.  I'm like no my husband should have my back and NO NO ONE should have to deal with this he got up and left with out aboard i told him not to come back he told people i kicked him out with nothing even though I packed a bag and left it outside he chose not to grab it I told him his brother had 6 more bags he didnt grab them. I didnt answer his texts and where was SD right beside him telling him how much of a  bitch I am how I dont love him even though I have messages from her saying she knew what she did was wrong even though she knew dad is happiest with me she knows what she did is wrong but continues to do it.  She even changed her number on a phone I gave his brother which didnt have a name to her name -the bitch and showed everyone look at what she did and I didnt even do it all because hubby's name was something on the phone that I didnt even do the phone was used by a friend when they didnt have a phone and that was their contact name for him.  Then tells him I'm having a party at my house lots of cars to the point where he shows up at 2am to find NOTHING because it was just the kids.  He then shows up without being asked and you're my soulmate baby I love my wife SD called 22 times and then calls siblings saying that a friend is looking for him it's important.  Then stops talking to him until.2 days before fathers day saying I'm jealous of her I need to know my place she has a biological father and a mother and that I'm childish funny thing is her words are that of the other woman almost word for word.  And who did my SD try to reach out to so daddy could have his and hers feeling validated by but her.  I find this out of course during a conversation he is having with her.  I tell him put it in speaker he wont he says you're twisting it and I stand up and say the 2 of you are disgusting you dont care who you hurt or how often she hangs up again until 2 days before father days. She then says yes I'll just do something else then because your wife is more important than you daughter you have to ask her.  Well no but there are other children and he is being respectful.  We get into an argument because I dont want to be involved in it, tell him deal with it make plans and let me know.  Sd says see it hurts not hearing from your daughter doesnt it, I bet you didnt like it did you.  I think this is disgusting but the student does learn it from somewhere and she is her fathers daughter.  I ask for time so I can figure out the 15 year old sons (only dad hes know but SD so jealous of him hubby stopped being there for him, so hes pissed and he is allowed to be I wont invalidate that feeling hubby earned it so he needs to work on it) I get it thrown in my face I told him to deal with it and he is now I wants times I'm so upset that I say ok whatever I'll deal.  I set up so that Saturday 18 year old son and another child who views us like parents could come over Saturday.  Hubby get home ignores me they give him gifts he doesnt even care, our daughter in law comes over I had told him they were over earlier and that were were going to be grandparents and he didnt even react. She gives him a big hug and says hi grandpa nothing, I go outside start a fire and he is made because they are here thinking that I have men over all he had to do is come outside. We argue he is rude and ignorant. Fathers day he gets up I make him breakfast give him cards and he says thank you, gets dressed and leaves.  I told him.dont call or text I dont want issues.  At 630 I order food so that we can eat dinner as a family and he can maybe spend time with his son.  7 no dad, 730 no dad 8 no dad we eat dinner 830 no dad 9pm he comes through the door, I tell him kids bought him dinner he didnt care didnt want it apparently not feeling good acting all weird and shit, I asked him if he wanted it or did he want me to put it in the fridge.  Asked how his day was he said fine he did nothing but drive around.  And SD didnt want to go home because her boyfriend was working so asked if dad could drop her off at his work for 9pm so because SD who spent from 10am-7pm didnt want to go home you drove around and forgot about your other children who actually still need a role model then I became disappointed how do you explain that to your son about the only father he has ever known?  Well SD got what she wanted and dad thinks nothing of it...and I'm tired.  However I get told that it's my issue that I can't let go of the past and I say correction your daughter cant let go of the affair and the woman and keeps stirring up shit and that woman nanners in her ear and you dont have the  alls god gave you to take a stand to have your wife's back.  This has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you and what you did just to sleep with someone else because you had to know you still had it.  I'm not owing any part of it anymore because I dont think any person alive would continue to deal with this shit for as long as I have.  Now I resent my own husband for never having my back because in his own words I've done nothing the only thing he has on me is that I yell.  Ya well if the shoe was on the other foot you'd tell too.  I am now looking for a place to stay because I dont trust him  not to leave me stranded, and just walk away like he has repeatedly for 3 years now,  everything is always my fault....so I'm tired and I need advise yes I have a psychologist but I wanted to know if anyone else has dealt with issues like this.  I feel heartbroken I gave her all I could she was 10 when I came into life I never lied to her I was always upfront treated her like my own took her everywhere people didnt even know she wasnt mine funny though how she says this about the other woman now the post about her are the exact same she used to right to me....it hurts but she isnt a kid anymore and I believe she knows exactly what she is doing which is even harder to accept.  When you ask her what her issue is she says we argued she cant tell you anything she blames the moon for shining and the sun for going behind the clouds. I feel like I'm in crazy town and I'm going to have to walk away from the love of my life  because you dont treat people you love like this you just dont am I wrong...I just dont know what else I can do but I know I am not being allowed to heal and move on from something that no one should have to even go through let alone having a SD do what she continues to do and a husband who let's her.