My fiancé and I have been together for 1 year, our relationship started at the end of his marriage. After we began our relationship he was still staying the family home for an additional 8 months to support the the kids (7 and 9)... So he has been living separately for 2 months and he is living with me. He wants to introduce me to his kids as his "friend" while we all get to know each other and eventually I will be the GF.
BM is furious and refuses to let him have the kids if she thinks I will be around. She is threatening to break their custody agreement and refuse access to the kids. They have 60/40 split time. That would break his and the kids' hearts. She wants him to wait for 1 year of "officially" living separately before I can enter the picture.
He can't keep me a secret for much longer, the kids are old enough to know he doesn't live alone. But how do we navigate this with an unreasonable BM? We can't respect 1 year, do we go ahead with our plans to gradually introduce me?
Oooof. You dated him while he was still living with bm?
Honestly, I recommend you wait to meet the kids as well. He only left the family home 2 months ago. The kids are still getting used to their parents being separated. Meeting you will shock them and things likely will not go well.
Also, prepare yourself for bm blaming the divorce on you and the kids hating you.
Yeah everything that SteppedOut said. You started dating him while he was living with his wife and kids. And he has only been not living in the family home 2 months? I dont see this ending well. Brace yourself for a lifetime of hatred from the BM and then eventually the kids.
Was his wife aware that the marriage "ended" a year ago? Did she know your SO was dating you while living with her for 8 months? I know you didn't ask for this kind of advice, but I'm going to give it anyway. Tell your SO to get his own place and call you when his divorce is final and save yourself a lot of grief.
It's not BM's call, but she's right, he should wait longer. So he moves right from BM's home to yours?
This is going to be a rocky road for you. BM is bitter and is already threatening to withhold the kids if he doesn't allow her to control everything. That is what you can expect to happen for years to come. Also expect her to try to turn the kids against both of you, and she will likely be successful.
I dated DH when he was separated and not yet divorced, but they had set up separate households and had a custody agreement. And it still got really ugly, because BM wanted to reunite and had no idea he didn't until I entered the picture.
I'd advise you to get separate housing, stop calling him your fiancé while he's married to someone else, and just slow all of this down.
My exH and I lived together for 6 months after we split. We had separate bedrooms and lived as if we were separated. We did not eat meals together, we did not do things together- we were roommates. The housing market crashed and we had to get a short-sale approved before we could both move on.
While we both dabbled in dating during that time, nothing serious happened for either of us during that time. If things turned serious for you two, I get it. However, I do think that it is a mistake to live together so quickly. He really needs to have some closure from his marriage before moving in with someone.
I know you guys aren't going to take that advice and slow down- because I am a random faceless person on the internet. So here is how I would deal with the kids: You live together, it is what it is. If he is going to have visitation that is overnight, they will know. They will likely hate you and resent you for breaking their parents up- even if that isn't the reality. He probably needs to just exercise his visitation outside of the home and away from you for a while. Maybe they can do sleepovers at his parents house or something. I would suggest waiting until around Thanksgiving time before you meet them. I would also suggest you don't get involved in their first Christmas with their parents apart. He needs to navigate that one on his own as well.
You have a long and hard road ahead of you with this. Really your best solution would be him getting a small cheap apartment for his visitations for a year. It will be worth it in the long run for your relationship with the kids- and trust me, those kids can ruin your relationship with your BF.
Relationships rarely in the stepmother begins as the other woman. Even when a stepmother is not the other woman BMs Often treat them like they are. When BM has truth on her side she becomes much more powerful.
If there is already a custody agreement your boyfriend can call the police to enforce it. Basically he calls and requests an officer to accompany him when he picks up the kids to make sure that BM it releases them.
Enforcing the custody agreement in this way often escalates the conflict and drama by a lot so tread carefully if you want to go this route.
Most likely no CO in place ? Most offen, courts do not like married people playing house. So BM does have control over this. He first must get divorce, get a court order CO, Then he can start the process of getting to know you.
Second you are with an SO and don't know what his kids are like. They can hate you, There going to blame you for breaking up there Happy Family . You really think he stayed home for eight months to support his kids? Was sleeping with his ex part of that support ?
Ex doesn't want me meeting kids
Hi all,
I wonder how to navigate this....
My fiancé and I have been together for 1 year, our relationship started at the end of his marriage. After we began our relationship he was still staying the family home for an additional 8 months to support the the kids (7 and 9)... So he has been living separately for 2 months and he is living with me. He wants to introduce me to his kids as his "friend" while we all get to know each other and eventually I will be the GF.
BM is furious and refuses to let him have the kids if she thinks I will be around. She is threatening to break their custody agreement and refuse access to the kids. They have 60/40 split time. That would break his and the kids' hearts. She wants him to wait for 1 year of "officially" living separately before I can enter the picture.
He can't keep me a secret for much longer, the kids are old enough to know he doesn't live alone. But how do we navigate this with an unreasonable BM? We can't respect 1 year, do we go ahead with our plans to gradually introduce me?
Oooof. You dated him while he
Oooof. You dated him while he was still living with bm?
Honestly, I recommend you wait to meet the kids as well. He only left the family home 2 months ago. The kids are still getting used to their parents being separated. Meeting you will shock them and things likely will not go well.
Also, prepare yourself for bm blaming the divorce on you and the kids hating you.
Yeah everything that
Yeah everything that SteppedOut said. You started dating him while he was living with his wife and kids. And he has only been not living in the family home 2 months? I dont see this ending well. Brace yourself for a lifetime of hatred from the BM and then eventually the kids.
Was his wife aware that the marriage "ended"
Was his wife aware that the marriage "ended" a year ago? Did she know your SO was dating you while living with her for 8 months? I know you didn't ask for this kind of advice, but I'm going to give it anyway. Tell your SO to get his own place and call you when his divorce is final and save yourself a lot of grief.
It's not BM's call, but she's
It's not BM's call, but she's right, he should wait longer. So he moves right from BM's home to yours?
This is going to be a rocky road for you. BM is bitter and is already threatening to withhold the kids if he doesn't allow her to control everything. That is what you can expect to happen for years to come. Also expect her to try to turn the kids against both of you, and she will likely be successful.
I dated DH when he was separated and not yet divorced, but they had set up separate households and had a custody agreement. And it still got really ugly, because BM wanted to reunite and had no idea he didn't until I entered the picture.
I'd advise you to get separate housing, stop calling him your fiancé while he's married to someone else, and just slow all of this down.
My exH and I lived together
My exH and I lived together for 6 months after we split. We had separate bedrooms and lived as if we were separated. We did not eat meals together, we did not do things together- we were roommates. The housing market crashed and we had to get a short-sale approved before we could both move on.
While we both dabbled in dating during that time, nothing serious happened for either of us during that time. If things turned serious for you two, I get it. However, I do think that it is a mistake to live together so quickly. He really needs to have some closure from his marriage before moving in with someone.
I know you guys aren't going to take that advice and slow down- because I am a random faceless person on the internet. So here is how I would deal with the kids: You live together, it is what it is. If he is going to have visitation that is overnight, they will know. They will likely hate you and resent you for breaking their parents up- even if that isn't the reality. He probably needs to just exercise his visitation outside of the home and away from you for a while. Maybe they can do sleepovers at his parents house or something. I would suggest waiting until around Thanksgiving time before you meet them. I would also suggest you don't get involved in their first Christmas with their parents apart. He needs to navigate that one on his own as well.
You have a long and hard road ahead of you with this. Really your best solution would be him getting a small cheap apartment for his visitations for a year. It will be worth it in the long run for your relationship with the kids- and trust me, those kids can ruin your relationship with your BF.
Relationships rarely in the
Relationships rarely in the stepmother begins as the other woman. Even when a stepmother is not the other woman BMs Often treat them like they are. When BM has truth on her side she becomes much more powerful.
If there is already a custody agreement your boyfriend can call the police to enforce it. Basically he calls and requests an officer to accompany him when he picks up the kids to make sure that BM it releases them.
Enforcing the custody agreement in this way often escalates the conflict and drama by a lot so tread carefully if you want to go this route.
Making the mistake of dating, living with a married SO
Most likely no CO in place ? Most offen, courts do not like married people playing house. So BM does have control over this. He first must get divorce, get a court order CO, Then he can start the process of getting to know you.
Second you are with an SO and don't know what his kids are like. They can hate you, There going to blame you for breaking up there Happy Family . You really think he stayed home for eight months to support his kids? Was sleeping with his ex part of that support ?