AITA steptalk edition kinda sorta OT
Sooooo AITA (am I the a$$hole) is a Reddit thread but I thought I'd ask here.
long story short I had to report my brother for leaving bruises on his girlfriend's 4 year old from "discipline" However I'm being treated like I did something wrong. The kid legit had belt buckle bruises but I'm wrong?? I'm a mandated reporter so I HAVE to report it or I could be charged with a misdemeanor and it would cost me my livelihood. Because he's a jerk with a temper problem I'm supposed to protect him but not saying anything????? The child's mom is now accusing me of breaking up their family. Of course I did report it anyway (my freedom and ability to be there for my family is more important to me than his, sorry not sorry), but am I the a$$hole for doing what's right even though he's "family (and I use that term loosely for him these days)?
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NTA. Your brother caused this
NTA. Your brother caused this, and put you in a terrible position, too.
Belt buckle bruises?!?!
Belt buckle bruises?!?!
Most emphatically NTA.
Your brother has no business being around children. I am absolutely appalled. That poor baby!!!
Exactly.
Exactly.
I would report that crap and I am NOT a mandated reporter.
I lost my temper and gave DD2
I lost my temper and gave DD2 a smack on her bum. She thought it was hilarious and laughed her head off (padded nappy). I felt awful for days for the loss of control and she wasn't even hurt. I can't even imagine getting a belt out and leaving marks. Regardless of whether or not it is ok to use corporal punishment on a child, it is NOT ok to leave any marks. That is ABUSE not discipline. If a belt buckle is ok on a 4 year old, what would they think is ok for an 8 year old?!
So your brother violently
So your brother violently abused a small child who is not even his (not that that would make it any better) and now he's mad that he has to face the consequences. Poor darling. Individuals like him (I can't and won't use the word "man") make me sick. His girlfriend is no better. I hope they throw the book at the pair of them - him for the abuse and her for enabling it.
You were absolutely right in what you did - it was the action of a decent human being.
I am no longer a mandated
I am no longer a mandated reporter but belt buckle bruises on a 4 year old, he should be in jail. I was a teacher and never had to report anyone. If I saw a neighbor or family member being abused would I have to report it? I would, but is it required by law?
You did the right thing and what an awful thing to have to do. I love my brothers and would struggle with having to do that but I have 2 wonderful men for brothers.
I would report belt buckle
I would report belt buckle bruises on ANY child. Heinous.
I have a 4 year old and this
I have a 4 year old and this makes me sick. You are not the asshole, but anyone who says you are definitely is.
Disgusting. I'd love to take
Disgusting. I'd love to take a belt buckle to him and see if he likes it. You did right by that poor child.
~Aniki gets in line for a
~Aniki gets in line for a turn~
NTA - but you are not a
NTA - but you are not a mandated reporter outside of your job. You are only mandated to report abuse you encounter in your line of work.
But you still did the right thing, poor kid. I can't imagine he will ever think you did the right thing, though.
The child's mom is accusing
The child's mom is accusing you of breaking up the family? This woman is ok with her BF abusing her son? What she should be concerned about is why she would think this is ok. What she should be concerned about is being charged as an accessory and losing custody of her child. (If the child's bio dad is involved, he should be filing for a change of custody).
You did the right thing. No one should be aware of abuse and not report it. The mandated reporter is part of your job. While it technically ends when you leave work, in actuality it does not. Your job would look askance at any employee who was aware of abuse and did not report it.
It really does end when you
It really does end when you leave work. How would your job ever know you didn't report abuse?
I'm not saying you shouldn't report, in this case she did the right thing - but your work can't fire you, and you can't lose your license or be charged with a crime. It would have to be a highly public event that was all over the media, and you were identified as working for them, for your job to have grounds to fire you.
My question is why do you
My question is why do you think you're the a-hole in this scenario?
Kids with bruises caused by an adult is EXACTLY what CPS is for. You used the correct resource for the situation.
Thank you all for your input.
Thank you all for your input. I don't think I'm the one in the wrong hear but for the last 24 hours they've been just pouring out to anyone who will listen (and only in groups or places I'm at) that "I did this to them" and I'm hurting them and blah blah blah. I'm not one to go back and forth so I just let it be. I know I'm right (mandates or not). This isn't the first time he's lost his temper either her or us overall, but it is the first time I've seen her bruised. Maybe he will think about next time.
as far as whether I had to reported it or not, the way our state mandating reporter law reads doesn't differentiate between whether it's at work or not. It reads more of if you see abuse and don't report it then you're liable too. It could lead to a misdemeanor which would disqualify me from being able to work with child so ultimately yes it could cost me my job even if I'm not at work when it happened.
I wasn't about to cover that up because he's "family" then it come back and bite me in the tail. I wouldn't have covered it up anyway
Interesting. My state's
Interesting. My state's mandated reporter laws are not written that way. Not sure I'd like being held more liable than other people off the job just because of what I do for a living.
Yep. It just says these
Yep. It just says these groups of people are mandated reporters and you just report abuse. We have to do the training every year. It's kinda drilled in my head at this point. Either way, that's not a theory I'm willing to test!
I wouldn't count on him to
I wouldn't count on him to "think about next time". He's violent and an abuser. Maybe his gf enjoys violence. They're two consenting adults, so they can live their lives how they want. But it is NOT okay to subject a child to that!!!
I don't think he will until
I don't think he will until he gets help (in whatever form that comes in). We saw some of our family members abused growing up for a while there so you would think he would know the pain he's inflicting. They all blocked on all aspects now though and have vowed to never come to another family even I'm at (thank you sweet baby Jesus) so I won't have to deal with them anymore
He grew up with that so he
He grew up with that so he may view it as his normal.
Wait a sec. You reported it,
Wait a sec. You reported it, exactly as you should have. CPS came and DETERMINED that their was abuse? If do, they are projecting their anger onto the wrong entity. CPS is protecting the kid, not breaking up the family. They chose to break up the family all on their own.
I don't know what the
I don't know what the determination was. I've removed them from any way of contacting me (seriously I've been threatened like 10 times this weekend- he only stopped when I reminded him that I have that stuff in writing and if he kept it up I'd have him arrested). I hope she gets some sense before any (more) serious damage is done. It's too often that the children have to pay for the mistakes of the parents so that the parent can have "Love"