You direct your hatred toward her because you don't want to put it where it really belongs: your husband. I think it's pretty common around here with stepchildren; people direct their resentment toward SKs because dealing with their real feelings about their partner would require them to leave. And they are afraid to be alone or can't support themselves, etc. But in your case your resentment stems from something so much harder to forgive and many would question why you would or how you could. I think your options are leave or spend a whole lot of time in therapy. You're in a very tough situation.

I am speechless wow I only read halfway and I wanted to immediately reply.  Is the mother involved? Does your husband have to pay support to her?  You obviously feel a great deal of resentment towards this child I’m so sorry but if you tell your husband how you feel it might help you.  He can’t expect for you to go through life as a family and not support you emotionally.  Because the child can’t help you and it’s not her fault. I think your husband could hear you out on this because you’re obviously in this together and your feelings are real and deserve validation. 

Your husband can't understand how you feel? Imagine if you went and had a child with someone else while you were engaged? Wow he's just clueless. He's gaslighting you. 

Jesus. Do you have to regularly deal with the mother, too? I'm going to be honest, i don't think i could get past a constant reminder of his infidelity. I'm thinking from reading your post that when she wasn't with you daily, you could sort of compartmentalize your feelings and not think about it? Also, is your husband making you do most of the work in caring for her, so you are, in a sense, "paying" every day for his mistake? It sounds like he is very uncaring about your feelings. I agree with the posters who recommended therapy. Individual and couples. If you are dependent on him, please try to work towards not being. You are not, as the title says, destined to be "trapped." Many people live as divorced parents. At the least, being able to exit the situation will give you more power in your relationship. It sounds like that is lacking right now. 

You are misdirecting your anger onto her and her mother when you should be angry with him. But like any other human it is easier to hate the other person than to put the blame where it belongs--the person you don't want to believe could have done this to you. His betrayal is his fault, not hers. If you have animosity towards raising her then he needs to make different arragements like putting her care with someone else instead of you when he cannot do it himself (daycare/relative/leaving you). 

That being said, you shouldn't feel like a horrible person for not liking someone else's child. It's pretty normal and human to not like other people's kids. We only like our own because we see them through parental love. Not liking the child is normal; hating the child or having animosity towards her for something her dad did is unresonable on your part. 

You do realize that it is your adulterous, characterless, POS of a DH that is the problem.... right?

Extricate your head from your own butt and catch a clue.   Sadly, even after he cheated on you, you made the choice to marry and spawn with him. WTH were you thinking?

Bad choices.

Good luck with all of this.  Your kids are going to need it. As is your Skid.  Hopefully you and the BM are far better people and parents than their idiot father and would be far better off with their moms than this POS.

smh

I’m so sorry you’re going through this it must be really tough for you. 

I think you need to speak to your husband and tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him you can’t get past what happened between you all those years ago. Your step child obviously hasn’t done anything wrong but maybe you literally just need to put your cards on the table and tell him you can’t live with your step child, and that’s is a constant reminder of the pain and hurt he put you through, it’s sounds like you’ve got 1 of 3 options here:

get some sort of councelling to try and cope better with the current situation.

tell your husband you can’t live with your step child and risk loosing him.

or leave him.

i hope you find some way of being happy again. No one deserves to be unhappy because of someone else’s actions. Good luck.

I can understand your feelings.  But, how you feel shows the issues with his infidelity are not resolved and they may never be. The child never asked to be born into this situation so to focus your anger and resentment on her is only going to cause you more problems in the end. I'm not saying leave your DH, but I do suggest seeking therapy to address your issues related to the affair. Your feelings towards her shows this an  issue that still effects you and understandably so.