Advice on how to address issue with Stepdaughter...
My husband an I have been married for 5 years and together for 6. He has one kid, she is 20. I have two kids, 12 and 10. I love my husband so much! Neither one of us has family. It's just us and the kids. His daughter has hated me since the beginning and its only gotten worse. I have been there for her a lot. I always set aside my hurt from her disrespect she gives me. Inspire of her hateful and ungrateful attitude, I have been there for her like her mother should have been. I feel like I am at my breaking point. Through the years when she still lived with us, she caused a lot of problems. She would get inappropriate with her dad. She really would act out if he would give me any kind of attention. She really acts more like he is her boyfriend as opposed to him being her father. She has always disrespected me and he just kinda stands back. Now its come to the point that he was hiding their messages, not sure why. He started lying to me about talking with his daughter. I have no problem with it. He said he did it to make her feel better. Now she has came to the point where she has told him it's her or me, his wife. I personally do not feel that should even be a choice. She is his daughter and I am his wife. I do not know how to handle this. My husband gets very aggressive when I try to come up with ways to fix this. What should I do? His daughter is grown and engaged.
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You tell him that he is
You tell him that he is allowing another woman to interfere in his marriage and the fact that it's his daughter is disgusting.
You should insist on mariage therapy and if he remains "agressive" about it, kick his ass out.
100% what beebeel said. He
100% what beebeel said. He needs to realize that this is another woman interfering in your marriage. If he can't see that, then it is time for him to choose her.
Therapy would be a must for him even pausing on this.
Welcome to the site!
Your husband sounds inappropriately enmeshed with his adult daughter - that's probably why he gets defensive about it. I think the two of you need marriage counselling and he needs to start treating his daughter like his daughter and not his mini-wife.
Now its come to the point
Now its come to the point that he was hiding their messages, not sure why. He started lying to me about talking with his daughter. I have no problem with it. He said he did it to make her feel better.
It makes her feel better to think that he is betraying his wife and keeping secrets, and he is good with that? That's like a married man convincing his mistress that he sleeps on the couch. In other words, he wants his daughter to know that his loyalty lies with her - not you.
You say your husband gets aggressive when you try to come up with ways to fix this, does that mean he would not be open to counseling? He may need to hear from an outsider that what he's doing is WRONG.
If my SD28 ever had the balls to tell my husband it's her or me, she wouldn't like the answer.
The problem is with your
The problem is with your husband, not with your stepdaughter. None of this "emotional incest" could happen if he didn't want it to.