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Loosing Patience

SM2020's picture

Submitted by SM2020 on Sun, 04/26/2020 - 2:04pm

I am the step mother to an 11 year old boy.  My boyfriend has 50/50 custody.  At our house, SC is an only child and at his mothers house, he has older and younger siblings.  At his mothers house there aren't many rules, but i have observed SC acts very different around his younger sibling.  Very mature and calm.  At our house he's bouncing off the walls, rude, argumentative, and basically a jerk.  He needs so much attention which doesn't make sense because he has no other kids to compete with.  There isn't just one behavior that is making me loose it, but collectively as a whole.  I told myself to try and be positive this week, but before he even got through the door he was banging on it constantly.  Instantly i was annoyed.  He's also talked back to me, farted in the dogs face, and lied about food he gave the dog that he wasn't suppose to because he thought it would be funny.  He thinks I'm mean because i enforce rules and follow through on what i ask.  If he was my own kid things would be so different as consequences would be way worse and his behaviors corrected in a week.  This is the frustrating part.  My boyfriend support me whenever the kids needs to be grounded or gets out of line, but the ADHD like behaviors don't bother him like they bother me.  I've even started taking him on runs every night but it doesn't help.  He dances as ridiculous as he possibly can to get attenditon daily, barks, meows, anything that's immature to get attention.  The noise and amount of attention he needs has worn me down and i can't take it anymore.  I have waited for 4 years for this kid to mature, and he's no more mature than at 7 years old.  Every time i get after him to "don't do that again" he finds something else run and completely not ok to do.  Advise?  

Comments

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Sun, 04/26/2020 - 2:15pm

Miss, your not a step mom to anyone.

That is the good news. Take it for everything it is worth and embrace your not married.

My advice is find another place to live. Date dad IF you want to---but the longer you are away from dad the more you will realize you wasted 4 years of your life.

He is not parenting his child.

 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 04/26/2020 - 2:35pm

A stepparent can't be the only parent in a home - it just won't work. So what if your DH "backs you up", he should be the one parenting and setting limits on the kid. And yes, he sees his son's behavior, he just doesn't want to deal with it - and why should he, when you will take care of it for him?

My guess is at BM's, his siblings help keep him in line as well as his mother.

What is so wonderful about this guy that you are willing to take over his parenting responsibility for him, when you aren't even married to him?

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sun, 04/26/2020 - 2:45pm

 At your house he has not got siblings to play with to get out some of his energy and give him attention. He sounds bored and lonely at your house. I am sure most kids are extra bored right now stuck at home without school and friends. 

I would also be dubious of reports of his behavior coming from his mother's house. First because ex's don't always want to tell the other parent where they may be struggling with the kid and second because she has two other kids to occupy her time with and half of his behaviors/actions are probably not noticed or it is just easier to let things go than try to get super strict with 3 kids.

Has he been diagnosed with ADHD? 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Sun, 04/26/2020 - 3:17pm

BethAnn, Oh how I forgot about that.

Oh yes---HE ACTS perfect at myyyy house. I dont know what is wrong at your place xdh. Whats going ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN over there. Maybe I need to change visitation to supervised ,,,,,

LOL

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Sun, 04/26/2020 - 10:00pm

I went through this same phase with my son. I had his behavior under control at my house but whenever he went anywhere with anyone else, he would act the same way you are describing. He was kicked out of the afterschool program because he wouldn't listen or follow directions and would be disruptive and goofing around. Finally I put him in judo and wrestling.  Because they are such strict individual sports and he had a coach and a sensei that were as strict as me as well as his peers putting him in his place. So he learned really quickly no one liked that nonsense.