So it's been a few months since MIL's passing. I can't remember if I posted and took it down, but I'm February we learned that MIL's partner of 15 years had secretly remarried a 25 year old woman with a 1 year old. 

I mean, people grieve differently and that is what it is, but here's what really frosts my cupcake. 
 

23 days prior to her secret wedding, MIL's partner, we will just call her Marie-asked to come out to my house to meet with me. I set aside time to do so, and she no called not showed. I texted to see what was going on and she told me she had other plans sorry. We rescheduled. Kind of rude but no big. the rescheduled date comes and goes and much of the same happens. This time I don't follow up because whatever. I begin to worry Marie is going to ask me for money, which we really don't have to loan, but I also wonder in t  he back of my mind if she's seeing someone. I honestly, hoped for the latter. At this point it's only been 4 months, but I knew through SO she had been on a date and asked BIL if he thought it was okay. Again, grief is weird after a big loss like that and I was priming SO for it. Eventually he came around to the fact that Marie may move on and it may be sooner rather than later. 
 

Anyway, I digress. I get a Facebook message from Marie randomly on a Saturday. Asking me for $1500 and a promise to have it automatically paid out of her paycheck. 

I have previously loaned money to Marie, only $40 and I never got that back. Also, when MIL was in the hospital she had some of her own money saved up to pay for her final costs and she asked SO and I to hang onto it to ensure her cremation expenses were covered. At this time, MIL told us that Marie was terrible with money and would spend it needlessly on pot. We have known that Marie has a substance abuse problem for many years. Now I am not a prude-marijuana when used in moderation and not while driving-it's fine. Whatever. However the way Marie uses it IS addictive behavior and both MIL and Marie are recovering alcoholics. So the framework for abuse is already there. 
 

Around this same time-the initial diagnosis of what would prove to be MIL's terminal cancer, she was very....I don't know the word for it...but it was like the filter she kept between her thoughts/feelings regarding her partnership with Marie dissolved. She told us Marie was not to be trusted, she was a cheater, she was all these horrible things. But then she would get on the phone and guilt Marie about not being by her side in the hospital. Being that MIL was sick enough to be considered disabled before the cancer diagnosis, Marie had to work. SO and I took shifts staying in the hospital with MIL when Marie was working. Which Marie told us she was working all the time. SO and I did not know what to do. We wanted to comfort MIL but we felt she was being really hard on Marie and it was the result of the shock of the diagnosis the imbalanced hormones the tumor was causing-but we didn't want to hurt Marie and tried to support her, reminding her that perhaps MIL was being so cruel because she trusted Marie the most and was closest to her. When MIL insisted on emptying her account into our savings (which I emptied the account so it was only her money in there) I immediately told Marie-there was no satiating MIL about this topic and she would become incredibly upset. She calmed considerably after it was done and finally went to sleep after DAYS of harping non-stop both SO and I about this. She gave me permission to continue to pay her half of the bills-the rent and the cat care. Which I did. I wrote a check directly to the landlord, paid for the car stuff and MIL gave me permission to write a check to Marie for $100 for incidentals because despite always working, Marie was always broke despite the fact MIL was still covering the bills she normally did and Marie was usin PTO for the first few weeks and then working her regular shifts. 

Marie on several occasions told us "she can't do this anymore". My SO talked to his employer who paid him a full 30 days of salary to use over the course of the next 4 months  for the time he completely out of work with a promise to re-evaluate his needs once those 30 paid days were up. SO didn't use it all at once, here and there and when MIL passed he still had 2 paid weeks left. We baisically took the majority of the financial hit because SO LIVED at the hospital with MIL because she didn't want to be alone (when he wanted to come home I would go down if his sister wasn't there-we barely saw each other for 3 months) and Marie would come for an hour tops if there wasn't anyone else there. She would never come when she said she would and we were all very confused. She would also reek of pot and was noticeably high which further upset MIL. There is so much more but believe it or not that's the cliff notes. 

MIL dies. Up until this point, Marie told us she was making payments on the future funeral and everything was taken care of. If we mentioned funeral planning she would shut us down and say "no I have got it, let me do this this is the one thing I can handle". 
 

I wrote the check to the funeral home for the remaining funds in MIL's account about $1900. MIL told BIL where she had $1000 cash locked away for an emergency. She told him to get it, gave him the key. Told SO and I that money was for her funeral too. When it came time to pay the funeral home BIL said nothing. He essentially stole the money. SO and I were again torn, do we put BIL and risk further alienating an already verge-of-suicide BIL or do we throw our hands up and say we did the right thing with the money we had and we can't be responsible for the rest. In the end, we learned Marie had made no payments, nothing of what she told us was set and taken care of was taken care of and that left her with a $1600 (what would have been $600 if not for BIL) bill. Financially strapped ourselves due to SO being out of work for the better part of 3 months with minimal pay, we couldn't give her anything. SIL's work donated the food and the venue for a celebration of life. And Marie told us all she picked up a ton of overtime and had the funeral home under control. This was around Christmas. She told us she had to choose between Christmas with the family and a cell phone, so she chose Christmas. We all brought dishes and for Christmas we bought her a cell phone. When Marie emailed asking for $1500 and we didn't have it, I offered for her to move in with us, get a fresh start and get back on her feet. She declined saying "it was worth a shot". 
 

We then learn that Marie has moved her new "girlfriend" into their rented home. This is surprising and tough pill for SO to swallow, but a week or so after learning that, he had accepted it and wanted to figure out when we could get his childhood family heirlooms that a mother would typically keep along with some of her ashes. 

The next thing I know, about a week later, I receive an anonymous message. It contains a picture of Marie and a woman whom I don't know with a sign saying "I do" and another wirh "Mrs. & Mrs." with Marie in this woman in the middle of 3 other people. The message says "you'd better watch who you trust". i have a major WTF moment-cryptic message, secret marriage-I feel like I'm plopped in the middle of some bad teen-drama. I called Marie to see what this was all about. She didn't answer. I called BIL to see if he knew anything. He didn't. I am terrified of what this is going to do to SO. He's been accepting things, not saying anything, coping but this I know will be too much. 

I am worried, concerned and pissed that I'm finding this out THIS way. 
 

well, that was just a crack into Pandora's box.   Upon further investigation I found the source of the anonymous message. Marie's former coworker-oh because besides getting married she also quit her job. This coworker then proceeds to tell me that Marie met her now wife-Kathy-at work. They were shift partners. He then tells me that not only that but they were dating while MIL was dying. Marie was supposed to bring MIL breakfast one day, her favorite homemade breakfast Marie promised. I went down early the morning she was supposed to do this to relieve SO and spend some time of my own with MIL. Marie showed up 5 hours past when she said she would be there saying she had been visiting her grandson-no breakfast in hand. Of course it was 3 pm at that point and I had already fed MIL lunch, the last meal she ate as we cried together and talked about how much we loved each other. The source then sent me a slew of pictures of a computer screen that spanned months. Marie had logged onto Facebook at work (as a direct care professsional-you're not supposed to do that, and I have worked at that house in particular and know there isn't much time for things like this on that job) and didn't sign out. The source was on the computer to do notes and messages began coming through making noise. He clicked the browser and live witnessed a conversation between the two. He then spies further and revealed all the messages-one of which for the date and time Marie was supposed to be feeding MIL breakfast, indicates she had been with Kathy. I used to work for the same employer that Marie worked for. Occasionally I still do business with them and while I didn't directly know the source, he knew of me and my relationship to Marie. He didn't want to get deeply involved he said, but from what he knew of me, he felt like I should know. 
 

All of a sudden, MIL's what seemed like harsh crazy ramblings, were coming true. I felt horrible for not believing her. 

I messaged Marie. I asked that she do the right thing, let us come get MIL's stuff, our share of her ashes and we can go our separate ways. She responded defensively saying "she didn't owe an explaination to anyone" "she was her partner for 15 years we were not going to rip MIL'a ashes away from her". I told her I didn't ask for an explanation, and MIL would not want to be there in that house with her new wife. She would want most of her ashes to be with her kids as was the plan but it was never agreed she could keep them all. She seemed to come around, I offered to pick them up, she said she was going "to church" which was never a thing before. But we left it at-I'll see you this week sometime. 
 
I then learn that she told SIL and MIL's best friend I was cursing and yelling and threatening her. My screenshots proved otherwise. We are currently in probate over the ashes, which is on hold due to COVID. 

Marie continued to threaten me. SO got involved and told her to stop or we would involve police and we would press charges for harassment. I blocked this lunatic and her wife. i want nothing to do with him but this is ALL the whole family and MIL's BFF can talk about and it's maddening. I just want this nightmare over already. 
 

and I would really like to know why she was going to screw me out of $1500. But I've accepted I'll never know.