BM hates me and wants full custody
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This isn't BD's first rodeo with BM trying to criminalize him and take full custody of my SS for simply not liking who he's dating.
I live in a small town, I was (and I cannot stress this enough) brief friends with BM SIX YEARS AGO!! I moved around came home and met my now boyfriend her baby daddy.
she's fighting to make it so that he can no longer see his son. I have no record of endangering children, I have nothing but respect for their child. He's 8 and a complete sweetheart.
I want to move in with my boyfriend, but at this point we have to keep even our relationship a secret in fear that she will take his son away for no reason.
what should we do?
How is she trying to take
How is she trying to take full custody? Is there a court order in place?
There is no court order yet,
There is no court order yet, but she will go as far as she has to. She will take him back to court, and fight to have full custody. What should we do?
can she do this?
She probably won't be
She probably won't be successful in getting full custody as most places do value fathers being involved - but she can lie and drag his reputation through the mud, ensure that court goes on forever and costs thousands of dollars, alienate the child, withhold visitation, brainwash him so he hates you too, and make your life miserable. I went through that with DH and BM and my SS.
If you plan to stick around, I'd be prepared for the misery that is to come. If it's you that BM hates, she will also drag your reputation through the mud. I was lucky that BM here didn't target me, only DH. She tried to fight for the least custody possible, lost that, but succeeded in alienating my SS from DH for 3.5 years.
I'd suggest you NOT move in, and that he gets his CO settled before you become a factor in the court battle.
This is not your priblem.
This is not your priblem. This is your boyfriend's problem. He needs a court order. He needs a court order that is specific and he needs to follow it to the letter when he gets it. Yes, BM may take him back to court, but if he is following the court order, it should come to nothing.
Do not move in before the court order is issued. That will only complicate things.
I don't plan to move in until
I don't plan to move in until all is settled but eventually I do want to be able to.
I am sticking around, I don't care about my reputation. It's already kinda spotty and that's because I'm still in my 20's in a small town lol.
I don't know what we can do to prepare.
I'm not talking about just
I'm not talking about just calling you names - I talking about calling your employer to try to get you fired, calling CPS and the police and accusing you of child abuse; a woman who gets this angry just because a man she procreated with dares to date someone is not a rational person. She will most likely not just accept the court order and turn into someone he can co-parent with. Her destruction will continue for years and most likely destroy any relationship you have with your SS. (And destroy him, too - women like this use their children as weapons of pain upon the father).
This is not for the faint of heart.
My mother dealt with a crazy
My mother dealt with a crazy step mom and she did damage to my dad. I have been around it most of my life.
if she wants to try and do those things then I'll let her exhaust herself. I have a good job, good reputation in my industry. She can call whomever she wants and try whatever she can but I am standing strong.
thank you for your blunt input. It's scary but I'm ready to fight for my love.
Since you are standing strong
Since you are standing strong, don't hesitate to use the law to reinforce that to BM. File charges for harrassment, trespassing and what ever else she throws your way. Don't let the smallest thing go or that will make her braver to try for bigger and more distructive actions on her part. Draw the line in the sand now with her. Don't let your BF talk you out this.
He is extremely supportive,
He is extremely supportive, strong, and on my side with everything. Thank you so much!!
You'll never have more
You'll never have more leverage than you do right now, so maintain a good degree of separation and hold your bf accountable for getting his affairs in order and preparing a place in his life for you.
A lot of men are afraid of their exes or would rather appease them just to avoid conflict. If the man you're seeing is like this, move on because you'll never know peace with BM controlling your life. Also, read up on High Conflict Exes and Parallel Parenting.
Your bf needs to get a lawyer, pay up, and hammer out a custody order. Then, he needs to demonstrate that he will follow it and hold BM accountable if/when she doesn't follow it. Let him learn how to be a functional single parent and get a routine established before adding you to the mix will help make the transition easier for everyone. This is the recipe for success.
Over and over, we get posts from unhappy women who rushed into relationships with men who haven't done any of the work to be successful in their next relationship. Women who've gotten pregnant with men they barely know, and then find out how toxic the dynamic between their bf and his ex is, but are stuck. Posters who thought they'd found love, but realized they were only wanted as a nanny and bedwarmer.
Moving too fast is the number one mistake that leads to an unhappy step situation, so take things slowly and hold back until this guy has his affairs in good order. Actually, he probably shouldn't even be considering a new relationship right now, so I'm wondering if he's the needy type who can't be alone. Be very choosy OP, and vet him through critical eyes. Remember, you are a catch. He isn't.
First of all, you and BF need
First of all, you and BF need to stop being cowards. BM can't just take custody of your BF's kid without cause. Daddy having a girlfriend is not just cause. Your BF needs to man up, put a hand between his legs, grab big handful of balls and go to war to protect his child from this whack job of a manipulative evil womb donor.
Quit hiding and put your relationship in her face and keep it there.
Cowards never accomplish much and no kid needs a pussy for a daddy.