BioHo would prefer her kids STAY and live with her until the end of time. She would turn the 'Ho House into a commune, but the skids keep leaving her.

NPD BM tried this with SD25.  Tried to get us to take her when she wasn't getting CS any more.  Nice try, NPD!  Didn't work though. 

I dont want to sound ugly. Sometimes the thought of sounding ugly STOPS people from saying what they know.

YES some bm's have no further use for emancipated kids SOOOOOOOOOOO, they approve by proxy or by actual words, "maybe you should live with dad, maybe you can call your dad, ASK your dad, maybe he will help you... maybe maybe maybe". Or, I bet your dad would do xyz.

I read about it here. I have seen it first hand.

Totally different than "Parental Alienation".

Moms like this are very easy to sniff out. Yes it happens a lot.  The old saying 'just wait until the kid turns 18, they will come back"...........why do you think that is? The money ran out that is why.

Funny how so many dads are magically reunited with their kids at 18 plus.

I would love to have SD13 Munchkin living with us. She knows that we want her full time. She knows that she has a place with us AFTER the 18 and graduation milestone occurs.

I have no idea whats on the "other side" of things. I do know TT is "concious" of the effect custody has on child support-TTsupport.

TT did take on SD20. But tried to offload her many times.

Ill be following this poll

Some of these BMs have it all wrong. Once CS ends, the kid can still be a money maker, just make the kid get a job and pay rent. Teach them just enough indepedence to work, not enough to live out in the world by themselves.

OMG no. BM will have these turds living with her until the end of time.......probably paying all of their bills.

It's good for me.........because no adult step kid will ever live at my house.

OSS 23.5 "secretly" moved out when he was around 19 yrs old (CS goes to 21 here in NY)  Was caught red handed and had to admit that "Pumpkinhead" accidentally emancipated himself when he moved in with Uncle Kinky and his cabal.  This infuriated the Gir obviously but CS was deemed to end after a few months struggle

SD 21  The Gir reported that she had moved out a few months shy of her 21st bday.   Probably due to the extreme embarrassment of being caught trying to get CS whilst OSS was moved out was the reason she actually reported this.  The Animal Torturer seems to have moved out to parts unknown but was looking for apartments in the same township that we live in ({{shudder}})

YSS17 is definitely the most rebellious so far and is doing as horribly if not more so than OSS and SD in school.  He has an IEP so who knows what will happen.

Synopsis:  it does seem that there is some vaaaague sort of correlation between moolah and having your kid in the house.  (insert smirk)

These so called parents who loused up the job of parenting by treating their kids as peers seem to hold on to the kids much longer but only as long as the money rolls in.

100% in my heart this is BM's plan with SS. She has badmouthed my husband to the kids for years. But I know in my soul she plans on trying to hand him off once CS stops. When SS was younger (prior to high school) we always made sure he knew he was welcome but that it was a convo he and mom had to have, because she would never listen to DH and believe that her baby boy would want to leave her. She needed to hear it from SS. He is not the kind of kid to ever stand up to her, but did mention to her on two occasions wanting to live with dad. She shot it down really quick. I was clear with DH and have been nicely laying the ground work (to get back to BM) that once he graduates dad and I are traveling and there will be no moving in with us. I often reiterate this to DH  and make sure he knows this is my hill to die on. I will not take an 18 year old with no life skills once her money train stops. She created this child she can suffer the consequences. I know I sound horrible, but I don't care. 

My DH has mentioned SD coming to live with us full time after she turns 18 like he wants her to do that.  Um, hell to the NO!  I do not want that to be an option for her.  My hope is that she is so enmeshed with BM that she will just live with her forever and leave us alone.  I don't think she will ever fully launch...and if she does it will be a situation where someone else is taking care of her, like an older man or the government.....

The "skid as meal ticket" scenario is incredibly common, as is the progression to "get out of my house whether or not you're prepared to launch " when the gravy train ends.

 I think a key factor is whether the parent sees the skid as a meal ticket, or as an extension of herself/property.

For example, when YSD chose to live with DH, it meant her welfare BM lost custody of her youngest and last meal ticket. Not only did she lose cs, but all the social services and $$ that came with having a minor child as well. BM immediately left our state to live with a much older man willing to support her. She paid zero cs, and cut all contact with YSD.

OTOH, we have OSD, who is a narcissist. She sees herself as the sun, and her kids are planets that orbit her. They are extensions of her, and their accomplishments become hers. She is a housewife who doesn't want to work, and remarried a man with several children older than her bios. Her policy was that all skids had to launch at eighteen, period dot, and they did. But her oldest is now nineteen, and still there. CS ended for her elder bio and soon will for the younger, but in her mind it's okay for them to live off her current husband because they are part of her.

Satan's only interest in anybody is money.  She lost custody of Killjoy when she was 8.  It's surprising how much driving Satan is willing to do to maintain a relationship with Killjoy.  But I know it is only because she's hoping for a big payout from FIL or DH, or Killjoy herself.

It will be interesting to see if Killjoy ever funds Satan's laziness.  Popcorn worthy for sure.  Especially since Killjoy has worn out her welcome with me and DH, and will not be allowed in our home after she graduates HS.

It seems likely to me that Satan won't get anything from anyone in this scenario.  Her ROI is going to be naught.  But she's stubborn as fark, had dibs on FIL's money the moment many years ago when she set eyes on FIL's BMW, before she even spotted DH.  Funny how she is too emotionally disabled to work but can still show up on time twice a week to pick up and drop off Killjoy aka Paycheck.

Unrealistic expectations, poor planning, and diminished learning capacity, are part of the psychology of being a psychopath.

BM had both her daughters out of the home and still collected CS for the last year or two of both girls' last couple of years of HS.  Girls moved in with his parents. We did pay his parents for their costs too.

Why did DH pay her?  Honestly... would have cost more to hire a lawyer than pay her for an additional 12-18 months of CS

The school district where BM lived was bad.  The older girl developed pretty bad issues with her mom's BF... some were her fault.. but it was easier for everyone for her to move in with the grandparents.  The school district where we lived wasn't much better and my DH worked out of town.. so his parents were a better option.. and more palatable to BM too.

The BM in my case is constantly demanding extra money from DH and has refused to change the custody schedule at all for fear of losing CS money. This is despite the fact that I think she makes more than DH and I combined. 

When Skids were younger, she used any excuse possible to unload them on DH, but only in babysitting capacity, she marginalized him from all parenting duties by not letting him know what was going on and convincing Skids that he shouldn't be listened to. 

Now that Skids are older...and most notably after DH moved on and got his own life and we have a home where SKids could comfortably stay...BM likes to limit their time with DH. 

She also presents herself as MOTY who removes any and all obstacles from Skids' paths, leaving them completely without resilience and making them likely to fail to launch for many years. 

It will be a conundrum for BM when SKids actually do turn 18 - 1) as MOTY, she would of course, love society to believe that her children not only always have a place in her heart, but in her home as well; 2) as a completely profligate, money-grubber, she will be torn about paying for everything for Skids when they do not launch and will rage against DH that she is the only one "sacrificing" for their children. I imagine she will be torn when DH is able to walk away and stop sending her money. She has done her best to ensure the both SKids are utterly dependent upon her, but she only wanted them to be emotionally dependent upon her, not financially dependent. She would like DH to be emotionally marginalized from his children, but for him to pay for them forever. He's really just a piggybank and a scapegoat after all.