When I went to personal therapy, it was for me. When exh and I went to couples therapy, it was for US.

Hon, I think your H will find ANY excuse to find EVERYTHING you say to be wrong or contrary or unhelpful or hurtful. And I also think he is trying to get someone else to help him make you do things.

It does seem like it would be a conflict of interest for Dr. X to meet with your DH as an individual considering Dr. X's history with various members of your family, including the two of you as a couple, and with DH and BM as parents of Skid. 

I also think it's odd that Dr. X's homework for DH was about how you feel about something. If your DH is not misinterpreting Dr. X's request, then I feel like Dr. X. is overstepping a bit. My understanding and experience with therapy is that it's supposed to help you realize what you are doing to contribute to issues in your life and helping you realize that you can control yourself, but you can't control others. It would be weird for Dr. X to have your DH find out how you felt about something rather than helping your DH understand how he feels about things. 

My view of therapy is that it's supposed to help you work through your own issues, so you can understand how to improve your own mental and emotional health, not that it's supposed to help you understand others. 

My therapist - who I see to deal with BM and DH's family - works with me on how to manage my expectations and responses to others in my life. She does not try to guess why they are acting they way they do. At most, she'll point out to me that I know that BM is always going to be unreasonable and make everything about her, so I shouldn't be surprised when she does that. She doesn't try to figure out why BM is behaving that way and she also tells me that I shouldn't waste my time trying to figure out why BM is behaving that way. Instead, I focus on what I can do to remove myself from the situation, to build a stronger foundation with DH, and to avoid triggering situations. The most she has gotten into talking about DH is when she points out to me that I shouldn't take it personally that DH's family don't treat me as if I'm a valid member of the family, because they don't treat DH like he's a valid member of the family. 

Reading this makes me feel creeped out, have you seen the trailer for the invisible man? I think that's what it's called...anywho reading your posts makes me feel like he will do anything and everything to make you think you are the problem and make other's think he is trying so hard to save this relationship.

as he goes along.  

1.  Dr. X IS a conflict of interest

2. H is gaslighting (again) 

3. Damned if you do, damned if you don't

4. I wouldn't trust anything H says about what Dr. X said

Pure fiction..  Can you exit?

Oh, it's the whole "Dr. X agrees that you are the problem here."

What he talks about in individual therapy should be kept between him and therapist. It's about what he can work on and change. I'd refuse to read his list of ideas about how Dr. X thinks you can shape up. 

So your H had his 1st therapy session earlier this week and waits until Thursday morning as you are rushing out early for a meeting to bring something as sensitive and important as this to discuss?? Talk about bad timing and the way he’s still playing the victim and texting how you invalidated the advice he was given. These are not things that you text but communicate when alone and with ample time. He’s being manipulative and making this about YOU when the focus in therapy should be about HIM.

He shouldn’t waste his time writing a “summary” of the conversation and instead be a man and TALK face to face. Enough of the bullshit already! Your H is a real piece of work and makes me wonder if he genuinely wants help or he’s just looking to put his shit on you, since you’re the easier target as oppose to owning his mess.

Being generous I could see a situation where your husband is hearing what he wants to hear and not what the doctor is telling him. Some people are very skilled at blindly hyperfocusing on a tiny detail and missing the broad picture. I could also see a situation where your husband and the therapist were discussing if your husband felt loved by you. The therapist may have even encouraged him to have a direct conversation with you about it. But then your husband got things muddled in his brain and the words that came out did not really reflect how he was feeling but came out more as an acusation. 

Personally I could see how your husband using this therapist may make you feel uncomfortable but working with a therapist that you know, like and knows your background is advantageous. It sounds like this wasn't the therapist used to try to reconcile BM and your husband but one used to help one of their kids and they just both attended some sessions with the therapist too, that isn't a conflict of interest to me. If he likes Dr X then personally I wouldn't insist that he find someone else. 

I would discuss and go through the suggestions that Dr X gave him (more information and communication are not bad things) but I would not commit to anything if he was not also making changes or things that I did not want to do. If you two are ready to work on the relationship then perhaps it is time to get a referal for a couples therapist. 

Obviously you are in this situation and have much more context than me, but I thought I would add a different opinion. 

I don't think it is necessarily a conflict of interest for the therapist to see him.. even if he has seen other related family members.  What would be a clear conflict would be if he were trying to counsel his own family members..Or he was counseling multiple people and sharing confidential information between other members with one of the other patients.

However, it appears your DH likes this therapist because he is likely seeing him as an ally to his POV and that he feels he can use the therapist's "opinions" to tell you how YOU are doing things wrong.

Here is the thing... the therapist can only help their patient based on things that relate directly to that patient.  It would be wrong to make some judgement on YOUR behavior based on the retelling of things by your DH to the therapist.  

So.. the therapy is for the patient.  If there are interpersonal issues going on.. then couples counseling would be in order so a therapist could hear both sides.  

Now.. if your SO wants to discuss what he is going through in his therapy sessions that's ok.. but it shouldn't involve things that YOU need to do to fix issues for him.