You are here

Frustrated and desperate

Serenity19's picture

Submitted by Serenity19 on Sat, 02/15/2020 - 5:36pm

I am at my wit's end trying to be a step parent to two children that have next to no discipline whatsoever. Any discipline or responsibility they are given is initiated by me following an argument with my partner.  Does anyone here feel frustrated  by being a stepmum and feeling that unless they proavtively put things in place themselves (ie chores, bedtime, giving meds on time, making sure kids brush their teeth, homework) these important things don't get done? 

Am I expecting too mich in that it should be my partner's responsibility to see that these things are in place...and FOLLOWED THROUGH???? 

I feel an overwhelming sense of resentment which is growing. I lived alone prior to coming into this relationship and I have suffered trying to adjust to this new sitution whereby I now feel partly responsible for these kid's upbringing out of practicality only, certainly not love! I wish I could grow my love for them but as I am always the one trying to install discipine, routine and responsibilities, without enough support from my partner, unfortuantely all I feel is resentment. 

Any inisght or input would be so appreciated. Help me! GRRRRR

Comments

ccrnol1nas's picture

Submitted by ccrnol1nas on Sat, 02/15/2020 - 8:06pm

I'm in a similar spot so all I can offer is sympathy. I feel ya! But I like the thing Atlantis did with the contract. I think I'm might give that a try.

GinzillaMom's picture

Submitted by GinzillaMom on Sat, 02/15/2020 - 11:22pm

I feel your pain and suffering!! I have been through an extremely difficult 2 years with SO and SD9 with similar issues. I know you want what's best for everyone but if he's not on board with you, it will be the battle of your life and cost you so much. It isn't worth your health or sanity. 

I just learned about disengaging from other people on this forum and it is starting to help with some things but not everything. Maybe it can help you too? 

Hugs to you! You will get through this! You have a support system here! 

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 02/16/2020 - 7:56am

You are correct, these things are HIS job, and his job alone.  You didn't create these kids.

I never once was responsible for my stepson's chores, homework, bedtime routine or hygiene, because DH took care of it. In fact, had I tried to take over, he would have told me to knock it off, that he's the parent.

Stop taking over his job. If he doesn't want to be a parent, he can let them stay with BM full-time and see them for a few hours on the weekend.

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sun, 02/16/2020 - 1:54pm

I am facing the exact situation. We are getting full custody of feral homeless looking child sd9 next month and are dealing with the nuts and bolts of getting this child on a strict schedule so I can keep my sanity. Dh and I go to marriage counseling to help us with the parenting aspect of our relationship and it's been a big help! Dh no longer thinks I'm a crazy evil lunatic for demanding that sd9 be in a schedule. 
 

we are currently coming up with a morning and evening schedule for the child that will be posted on the wall. If she doesn't follow it then she will not get screen time in the evening. We shall see how this goes!