He's always talking about SD even though DD is right in front of us
Last night we hung out with my husband's new co-worker and his wife. They are older than uswith kids in college and we have a baby that lives with us and sd12 which we see once in a blue moon.
The co-workers wife was very interested in our baby so we got to talking about the baby stage and she shared some advice etc... My husband kept bringing up sd12 he used almost every turn in the conversation to add some detail about his first daughter. With me he does not compare our baby to SD at all because he knows I won't tolerate it.
It drives me crazy because there's a baby in the room that people are actually talking about and he has to bring up this kid that nobody it has met before. Also not everyone and their wife needs to know our family situation and that he was married before I feel like him talking like this is taking the wind out of my sails as a parent and he's trying to position himself as knowing more than I do. I know he's quite insecure as a father despite now having two kids.
Last night DD was sleeping like a little angel at the co-workers house and husband was describing how he used to put SD to sleep. How is it that he remembers how he put SD to sleeve but doesn't talk about how he puts our daughter to sleep even though he did it just a couple days ago?
Does he feel guilty and need everyone and their wife to know about it?
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I agree with the first two
I agree with the first two posters in that I don't believe in any way he meant it to appear that your baby is any "less". But he did probably not want to "omit" that he does have another child too.
I think this falls into the category of if you can take things multiple ways.. and the person who is doing/saying something is someone who you generally believe cares for you and wouldn't want to hurt you.. take things in the more positive light instead of looking for a reason to be hurt.
Honestly, if this was my DH I
Honestly, if this was my DH I’d tell him off the second we were in the car. Mentioning SD once or twice is fine, I get that he’s trying to relate (or impress?) to these people. But one or two comments is enough. You don’t have to feel uncomfortable just because your DH has a previous child.
My DH did this once when we were at my friends place. They had just bought a new house and it is gorgeous. A forever home. DH started going on about how he used to have a house like this and blah blah blah. I politely cut him off, these were MY friends & I didn’t need the convo derailed by a trip down memory lane.
The second we got in the car I told him I don’t care what his old house was like, I don’t want to hear it. It makes me uncomfortable and, more importantly, it’s gross. He hasn’t done it since.
If you haven’t made it clear to him you really should. He’s free to walk down memory lane & talk about SD as a baby all he wants, but not in front of you. Boundaries are important.
I do think there is a
I do think there is a difference between talking about one's actual child vs talking about a house they may have owned with an EX.
The kid still exists.. the kid is still his child.. and he kind of does have the right to talk about his child if he wants.. of course.. he should be aware like everyone that not everyone wants to talk about babies and children... even if they ask polite questions about them.
I agree with this. A house
I agree with this. A house is waaaay different than a person. Dude is proud of and wants to talk about both of his kids, and I don't see the problem with it. It's just, well, odd to me that folks are getting upset because a dad is talking about his child???
I don’t have a problem about
I don’t have a problem about this guy talking about his kid, but if he’s *only* talking about his first kid, that’s a problem.
If I was out with my DH & people were asking/talking about my baby, and DH started interjecting repeatedly about his sons, while leaving out any mention of our kid, I’d get upset. Which is how I interpreted what OP was saying.
Why the need to make everything about the previous kids? *Especially* if it upsets your current partner who’s excited about their *first* kid. It’s a lack of respect. I’m not saying don’t talk about your kids, DH talks about his kids all the time, but the world doesn’t revolve around them. It’s ok for some things to solely be about their shared bio.
But if OP was holding the
But if OP was holding the "baby" end of the discussion.. then it may have been overkill.. or she already said things about baby.. he wanted to include his child too when talking to their friends.. because that was his child also..
OP already was gushing over baby.. he wanted to shed a bit of light on his other child too.. I don't see the problem unless either of them was going on "in excess" to the point where guests started looking for an exit.
‘My husband kept bringing up
‘My husband kept bringing up sd12 he used almost every turn in the conversation to add some detail about his first daughter.’
^^^This is what OP wrote. She also said the woman took an interest in her baby and was asking questions about the baby. As a first time mother, this is a really big deal, and something you don’t always want to share with the previous kids.
This is also something that people cannot understand if they didn’t have their first child as a SM. You never get *anything* that’s just about your baby, because there is always the previous kids to consider. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to talk about your baby without having to hear about the skids. Especially if the only thing your DH is talking about is the skids. Is it that hard to have one evening where the focus is on their shared bio? Like, really?
Again, if someone hasn’t walked in those shoes, they don’t understand what it’s like. I have. I’m a first time mum. I didn’t get to have all those firsts with DH because he’s done it before. And yeah, I ‘knew what I was getting into’, but that doesn’t mean that a little respect isnt still due. OP was clearly upset at how her DH was behaving, and I can understand that, because I’ve lived it.
What about every 2nd born and
What about every 2nd born and beyond? don't they have the same deal in a way? they are never the "only child" anymore.. ever.
A mother is enamored with her baby.. the other woman may have been being "just polite".. I personally don't think babies are interesting at all.. but I would say something or ask something about a child of a friend because it's polite and I know it would make the person feel better.
Perhaps her DH felt somehow left out of the discussion.. and using his other daughter as an excuse to interject.
I think it's possible that her husband over used the SD.. but it's also a little bit possible that the OP is overly sensitive and she isn't the only person to have a child in the world.. that POV from new mothers is fairly annoying in my experience. My OSD acts as if SHE is the best mother in all ways and her life is child centric.. which actually has led to a fairly spoiled kid in her case so far.. time will tell if the kid outgrows his wreckingball tendencies.
I
But OP’s baby isn’t her
But OP’s baby isn’t her second kid. Is it really that ridiculous to want some things to only be about your bio as a first time mother? We see this issue all the time on here.
Sometimes I only want to talk about my kid, and I won’t apologize for that. And if that woman was only asking to be polite & didn’t really care, I’m sure she cared that much LESS about a kid who wasn’t there & who she hadn’t even met lol.
Why would her DH feel left out of the conversation? They were talking about his baby... I’m sure he would have had something to contribute.
but it sounds like he wasn't
but it sounds like he wasn't only talking about the first kid. Plus, the second kid an infant, so not really a whole lot to talk about there :-) Eats. Sleeps. Poops
Were you a SM when you had
Were you a SM when you had your kids? Not being snarky, genuinely curious. It’s a tough gig, and I didn’t see where OP wrote that her DH was talking about their shared bio, only interjecting about skid. That would be annoying AF.
Nope - but if I had married a
Nope - but if I had married a man who had a child, I would not expect him to not talk about his child. Call me crazy, but I don't, and never have, viewed parenting as a competitive sport.
Have a nice day, monkey.
It’s very easy to have an
It’s very easy to have an opinion on something when you haven’t experienced it yourself. What you think you’d do or how you think you’d feel are often quite different than what happens when faced with reality.
Also, I didn’t say he shouldn’t talk about skid I said he shouldn’t *only* talk about skid, which is what OP inferred was happening. I fail to see how that’s appropriate.
Have a nice night as well WOB.
He was talking about SD when
He was talking about SD when she was an infant, like bringing up things he used to do with SD 12 years ago that he also has literally just done with DD. Why was SD the example when DD was in front of them?
I think the house is similar
I think the house is similar in that it's a memory he shares with no one else in the room, like a child he doesn't share with his wife. It's rude to exude a spouse from a conversation. I've had similar situations and when the other people look to me to add something I have to say "I don't know I wasn't around the " which makes everyone feel awkward.