Some people never learn!  Some day down the road the Step Grandkids are going to wonder why they never got to know their Grand parents.  Perhaps in a couple of years she will decide to embrace you again, and that possibly short time frame they will really get to know you and have good memories of you.   OSD can lie all she wants, play her games, but eventually the truth is going to come out.

Good for you that DH and you are demonstrating to OSD that you are a united couple.

when she’s successfully cut EVERYONE out of her life and had no one to turn to (because I see that path) she’ll pull her head out of her posterior and realize what she’s done. Although with her track record it’s not looking like that’ll ever happen...

Oh my this is my OSD minus SGK's. Only my OSD did this crap every year for years. 6 months on 6 months off and back on when my DH wasn't chasing her hard enough only to visit one time and go back home mad again. It's crazy making and clearly is not getting her the results she's hoping for.

Once your DH miss 2 or 3 birthday calls your SD will probably come crawling back like mine did. In a "I'm still here and your DD" attempt, but DH didn't bend into a pretzel with her like he did in the past. My DH actually banned my OSD from visiting until her attitude changes in our home about 3 years ago (well 1 trial visit about a year and a half ago) and while she was furious and blamed me for the ban of course, she knew she had to grow up or stay away. She told DH she wanted to work on their relationship and was trying to let go of her issues 2 years ago. DH still threads lightly and according to YSD, OSD still post 'abandonment daddy articles' on social media (DH isn't on sm) once in a while so she will probably never change just trying to get better at hiding it because she's tired of being left out.

Like you said, these manipulative supposedly adult SD's never learns. Your DH is doing right by not letting her run the show.

I always said, "give them rope enough they will hand themselves."

Also i now enjoy karma's visits. 

As long as your SD has flying monkeys within the family who support and encourage her toxic behavior, things aren't likely to change. As you are aware, there are parallels between your in laws and mine, and I've found time changes nothing as behaviors and practices become more ingrained as skids age. 

The best thing we can do is not play the game at all and stay away from the toxicity. My DH and I have accepted how things are, and choose to seek our own happiness rather than cater to the crazy. I'm sure you and your DH do the same, and it probably bothers the h@ll out of these twisted females.

Buh-bye and good riddance.

smh

Let DH handle the drama,  no need to get high blood pressure over SD.  Just make sure he not giving her the farm as in $$$$. 

Sounds like you and DH are onto her headgames and on the same page.

Who wants to engage with an emotional parhana? (mammals may be attacked if there is a school of parhanas) 

These games are nothing more than being eaten alive, metaphorically. Stop the insanity by not going back for more of the same. These types always need their prey to play the game with. When you bow out, they have to search for fresh meat.

"This was after going through sheer shock, denial, hurt, anger and sadness to finally acceptance that the SD I thought adored me and who I had up until then adored back, in fact depised the ground I walked on."

I so know this feeling - it's truly horrible and I don't think I am totally through it yet. My OSD insisted that at a recent function that DH could attend but made it clear that I was definitely not invited. For the first time (and with some useful counsellor discussions) he decided that he needed to stand up for his marriage and not allow this sort of exclusion and bad behaviour to occur. 

A week later was sgkids birthday and OSD wouldn't let DH speak to or see sgkid...it's just terrible the way these grown women behave!!

It hurt DH and I considerably to be cut off from the gskids, and I sometimes wonder what they think of things. The elder is grown now, and has texted DH twice, but that's it. Their mother has a filthy temper, so perhaps they've learned that it's best not to buck the system.

I don't think OSD will ever change her stance. She can't stand being crossed or criticized in any way, and lacks the tools to navigate disagreements. The only reason she got closer for a period is she smelled money, and wanted to get as much out of us as possible. When we lived forty miles away, we only saw OSD on gift giving holidays (not that we ever received anything). But when we moved a few miles from her, OSD reveled in the idea that her Daddee was now living closer to her, and expected us to spoil her regularly.

OSD is a bully, a black and white thinker with a "win at all cost" attitude, and never admits when she's wrong. Even after our falling out, she continued to escalate by sending DH letters (silly when we're literally an eight minute drive from her house) listing all the reasons she was right, how she's never done anything wrong, and how she never did anything to upset "your wife". I was Mom when she wanted to exploit us, and demoted to an object when I stood up to her. 

You can't reason with a narcissist, so we don't try to. And DH will never forgive OSD for cutting the gskids off from us. It's just a sad state of affairs that didn't have to go down this way, and her children are the ones who've missed out on the most.