Appreciation, is it much to ask?
I've been dating a man with two kids by two women for 3.5yrs.
I feel I have "sacrificed" a lot being with her him and I'm expected to sacrifice more with little to no appreciation.
*2 kids (16+6) + 2 mothers. One of which is very difficult and has been violent in the past towards me. (yes I was aware of the amount of kids/mums from the start. Even though hesitant I gave the relationship a shot)
*His 6yr old is quite cheeky and can be rude towards me. My partner doesn't speak to him.
*I've always wanted 2 kids, he's said he will only have 1 with me which I'm not happy about but I've accepted. He won't use condoms or get the snip either. And expects me to go on hormonal contraception which I came off for health reasons. So he said we would have to be celibate (odd I know) or I go on the pill.
*I'm now pregnant (semi planned) . He's decided to buy a house without my input. he doesn't want me to contribute towards the mortgage or deposit just bills. He has said I should have no say on location because its his money. Its an area I don't know anyone and can't commute to my current job so I basically would have to start my life over.
*He plans to have his oldest son move in with him in 1-2years when he turns 18 and this wasn't discussed with me.
*He said I have to love his children exactly as my own. I don't think that is truly possible especially when they are of this age and see him once a week. I said I can love them but it would be a different type. And because of that he thinks I'm a Fxckd up person. Am I? Now I'm scared that when my baby arrives I can't be comfortable loving my own child too affectionately.
When I express my concerns about it all he simply says "I didn't beg you to be with me" / "you knew what you were getting into" or implies a lot of women would be happy in my situation as he's a "good man". Am I selfish/a bxtxh/fxckd up person??
All deal breakers, if you ask
All deal breakers, if you ask me.
No, YOU are not the selfish, bxtxh/fxckd up person. He sounds quite controlling, and not so "good".
I'm sorry to say but you did
I'm sorry to say but you did not "get lucky" with this dude. He is not a great catch.
Red Flags.
1. Multiple Ex's with children... more than one serious relationship has failed and having kids was no impediment to him walking away.
2. He doesn't parent the kids he has.. he is a crap father.
3. He is willing to risk YOUR health.. because he doesn't wantt to do anything so you can avoid unplanned pregnancy.
4. He is unilaterally dictating to you how things will be. you have no say in your own life? crap I say!
5. I don't see love anywhere in this equation.. he doesn't at all pretend to care for you.. I mean.. "he didn't beg you"
I know that being pregnant isn't the best time to come to the realization that you are with a crappy partner who is a crappy parent. It does make it harder to walk away.; but two other women did it before you.. for good reason. I think I would go wash your hands of this mess and get him to pay CS for your child together.
The only way you're "f**ked
The only way you're "f**ked up" (and I'm using that term as loosely as possible) is thinking that this man is "good". He's a controlling prick who likely purposefully knocked you up thinking that it would trap you for a few years. I bet if you talked to his exes, they'd tell you the same stories about their lives that you're currently going through.
Cut your losses. Find your own place, get set up to receive child support, and try to mediate an agreeable court order for visitation and responsibilities. Staying in this won't end well for you. He wants you trapped.
Essentially this guy
Essentially this guy has told you that you can be with him or not and he really is not terribly invested in which decision you make because he is such a "catch." That is not only a bad omen for a relationship but a serious slap in the face. You sound so unhappy. Who wouldn't be? Time to speak to a lawyer and make a plan. Good luck to you!
He sounds like a real gem.
He sounds like a real gem. Next he will say he doesn't want you to work, and his attempts to isolate you will be successful.
He's already financially and emotionally/psychologically abusing you - don't stick around for the physical abuse to start.
Actually he did try to
Actually he did try to suggest I don't work until the baby could get free childcare at 3yrs old. I dont want stay at home but said maybe if he could afford to support me and the baby. He then tried to make out I was trying to be a gold digger as I said I would only do it if he could support me maintianing a social life.
However more recently he has said he can't afford three kids in an argument so it really doesn't make sense.
Talk about a platoon of red
Talk about a platoon of red flags!
When I express my concerns about it all he simply says "I didn't beg you to be with me" / "you knew what you were getting into"
While he may not have begged you to be with him, you obviously had no idea he's such a crap parent and waste of space.
implies a lot of women would be happy in my situation as he's a "good man".
He is most certainly NOT a good man. Do yourself a favor and divorce him. Let him find another victim to dupe.
Am I selfish/a bxtxh/fxckd up person??
No. He's an asshat.
Do NOT move with him. Give yourself the gift of freedom in 2020.
You're not selfish or a bitch
You're not selfish or a bitch, but you will become a F*cked up person if you stay with this guy. Run in the opposite direction. Even with a child, I think you're better off without him. He doesn't want a partner, he wants a lap dog.
I agree sadly
I agree sadly
Woman, RUN!!! You do not
Woman, RUN!!! You do not want to tie yourself to this "man." He is emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling. Sure, he buys the house and you pay for all the upkeep. You split, he gets the equity and the home, you don't have anything. This is all about making your dependent financially. He is a grade A abuser! I would suggest therapy because you do not appear to have much self-esteem. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. LOVE YOURSELF! RUN !!! DO NOT LOOK BACK!