Husband's Ex Facing Jail Time

Forums:

I'm new to this group and just wanted some insight on how to handle my adult SD and some stuff she is going through. She moved in with us about 5 months ago, we had some bumps and rough patches but everything seemed to be going better. Her mother was recently arrested and is facing jail time for trying to smuggle prescription drugs into her boyfriend in prison. I hope she gets a long sentence but I can't say that to her. During all of this my husband's adult son has lashed out at him for whatever reason and refuses to speak with him because of what a shitty father he thinks he was. I know that their mother filled their heads with a lot of misinformation about my husband. He was away during much of their childhood because we were both in the military. Now that he's retired he is trying to make up for lost time. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!

It's sad. I can understand

It's sad. I can understand that the kids might feel some resentment or anger about being raised in what was likely a tumultuous childhood with a mother who made bad choices. Their father was away so wasn't able to be a stable influence. Unfortunately, at this point, he can't "pay his way" to forgiveness. You need to gently remind him that his kids won't love him more if he gives them things.. they will just become more entitled.

His kids are both adults, it is probably time that he has a little sit down with them to explain a few things and correct some of the misconceptions. Im sure his kids can see their mother bears some blame but I'm sure they have a lot of sympathy for her problems as well... and .. remember she WAS the one that was there for them when their father couldn't be.

I think you need to set your own boundaries and expectations for your home and ensure your DH doesn't bankrupt you while trying to make it up to the kids.

Even if it IS partially true that he "left them in a less than great situation and chose his career over being a father" he can't make up for it.. it is done. All he can do is move forward with his kids in the present.. and that doesn't mean trying to buy their love. He can apologize and move on. period.

Thank you. This does help. I

Thank you. This does help. I really want him to be able to work towards a better relationship with his daughter and his son whenever he is ready. We are finding more out about their mother that we never knew and how unstable their lives were. He was fortunate to have his family close while he was away. His mother had the kids on most weekends and she was there whenever they needed anything. This is all difficult for me, I don't have children of my own and thought this may be a good bonding experience with his daughter. So far it hasn't turned out to be that. Half the time I get the feeling that she doesn't even like me.

It is a blessing when toxic

It is a blessing when toxic idiots remove themselves from the equation. BM going to jail is a great opportunity for your DH to introduce his children to reality and facts regarding their mother. Countless military marriages and families have worked. They do not fail because they are military marriages/families. They fail because of the choices of the partners in the marriage. Time for daddy to give the Skids the facts and use BM's time behind bars to help his kids mitigate the influence of their toxic manipulative mother.

She tried to

She tried to smuggle narcotics into a prison? Oh FFS. If they can't see how stupid that is and respect the fact that their father had no choice about being away due to being in the military then they are hopeless. You can't just leave military service if you find it inconvenient. Time for them to grow up.