You are here

Help

Damaged stepdad's picture

Submitted by Damaged stepdad on Sun, 12/29/2019 - 9:54am

Hello I'm a stepdad who has never got a present, card ,pictures taken with except twice  once when my wife and was married  they where made to by my mother in law. And once with her family group picture. They dont talk to me .hi ,bye ,conversation unless I say something first  every thing is short when we all lived under the same room  still have one 24 year old at home 2nd youngest of her 4 .I have never said anything or did anything to them or there mom mean or abusive .I have never even called my wife a bad name or threatened her with them around or not.i dont talk about there dad in front of them.he cant say the same he has threatened to kill many times over the years and talks bad about me always to them.i have never been the creepy step dad .I always wear a t shirt  .lock my bathroom door and bedroom when changing. Never walked in there rooms unannounced  or knock first ..I'm heart broken and lost .another Christmas  nothing not even marry Christmas. They take there mom out every birthday ,movies shopping. They wont do anything with me unless there mom is with  19 years of this .I have talked to my wife about it .she always acts like what? I didnt notice .I have told her if my sons treated her like her young adult was kids treat me they know I would be mad  they hug her and tell her they love her and talk to her.please help!!

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Sun, 12/29/2019 - 10:20am

For whatever reason, they don't want a relationship with you. Return the favor in kind and don't try to have a relationship with them. No gifts, don't help prep their holiday meal, don't do for them at all. Do for your kids and let your wife have hers.

If I had to guess, Dad put in their brains long ago that you're an enemy. They are stuck in a loyalty bind between you and him. Let them have him. Once you let go of this, it will be easier.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 12/29/2019 - 10:26am

Sounds like Dad has turned them against you - however, if I were your wife, I would sure as hell not allow them to treat you that way when I was around. So blame her, too.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 12/30/2019 - 10:47am

It sounds like you're expecting to be treated like dad when in reality you're just the guy who's married to their mother.  Whether he's in their lives or not, those kids already have a father. I couldn't imagine demanding that my children do all of that for my DH who is their stepfather.  My kids are respectful to DH but they don't have the means or the time to go on daddy/skid dates at their expense.  As a stepmother I have no such expectations of grown SS's. They have a mother and it would be a little weird for them to invite me to the movies without their father.  As for the "creepy" comment, my own teen son thinks it's creepy if I try to hug him or sneak a kiss on his cheek.  Kids are turds. Lower your expectations of skids and focus on being the husband you vowed to be.