This is long, but I really needed to get the full story off of my chest. 

I turned 20 in June. I am now fully aware that I fucked up. I was a young, dumb, kinky girl and now I'm stuck feeling bad for a child who's parents don't care about him. 

So, right when I turned 18 I went on Tinder and matched with a woman (lets call her "B"). B seemed really cool decpite she was apparently 30, turns out she was 40. We talked for awhile and had a lot in common, so she asked me to dinner. Then she tells me shes actually in a relationship with a man and theyre looking for a third to join the relationship. I thought, "ok, ive had 3somes with couples and B seems really cool." All of us hit it off, but I was more into B..... at first. At this time I met the 5 year old (B was the SM - boyfriend was the BD). B started acting a little strange. She seemed totally open to bringing another girl, but even if I had a seperate conversation with the guy she'd flip out. This goes on for a few weeks. She finds xanax hidden away in my stuff and accuses me of being a drug addict. I get very frustrated when she doesnt let me explain that my mother has a phobia of the dentist and I give her a piece so she can get work done on her teeth (which happen to be rotting). After explaining, I say that I think its best we dont continue to which the boyfriend begs for me to stay and B apologizes.

Months later we go to a convention that I really didnt want to go to at the time. Afterwards, they go to a bar while im asleep in the car (since i am obvisouly not allowed in) so i wake up, call an Uber and go to their place to pack up and leave haha like itd be that easy, they get back. He comes up to me and slaps me knocking me to the ground. He holds my finger print to my phone to read my messages on me venting to my friend about how i wanted to leave them. B comes in and starts hitting me (just days before this she showed me her gun), gets on top of me continuing to spit on me and hit me in the face. B gets up and kicks me in the back and legs, gets back on top of me and slams my head onto the ground giving me a head injury. She threatened to pour Turpentine down my throat as well. The boyfriend sat and watched.

I stayed at my apartment for a day or two and He comes to apologize and stuff. I was filled with absolute rage. An anger I have never felt before towards anybody. It was towards B... so I stole her life. I manipulated him into thinking I was amazing and it drove her crazy. Crazy to the point of driving her car thro the yard, stealing my stuff, saying that I was cheating on him (actually never happened), drugging me and saying im a drug addict. I was so angery that I sat back and watched all the pain. Eventually, she got kicked out and I moved in. Satisfied, but being young and stupid I didnt fully understand what I did. I had to be a stay at home mom, no more college or work.

His child has a strong attatchment to me as his BD has no interest in even talking to the child (he has literally told me that he'd easily move on if his child died). The childs BM is not in the picture and has multiple baby daddys. Im starting to hide in my bedroom away from his child because now I have something else to be angry at. Im paying for what I did. B is not coming back and is happy with her new life (honestly happy for her). I have never been good with children and Im so annoyed by the sounds and responsibility that comes with a young child. I have no attatchment to this child, but I feel so incredibly bad for them. I hate it here. I want to go to college and work my shitty job and go back to my shitty apartment. I hate what I did. I hate being a mother and I always knew I never wanted a child, but that rage I felt blurred my vision from the bigger picture. I want this child to have an amazing life and I try hard to be a good mom. The child is well fed, on a schedule, I read to them everynight, and they get great grades. I know I'll get hate for this and I deserve it. I ruined a family out of anger and now I'm wasting away.