Epiphany!
I finally figured something out! I am watching a BM that acts dumb as a doornail play the system. Obviously she is smarter than she pretends or has been coached to find this angle. BM wants her daughter to supplement her income and remain in her home for life. BM has handicapped her own daughter and sabotaged any atempts at the child becoming self-sufficient enough to live on her own. BM knows child support and the welfare check stop once the girl graduates from high school. BM does not want the welfare checks to end so she is trying to have her own daughter labeled disabled so they can continue to collect moeny from the government. Bm insists that the child cannot control her own actions and any expectation to do so is unreasonable as a late teen and an adult. I bet that this is how BM plans to continue to collect moeny from the government for the child. By having the child declared mentally disabled she will continue to collect a check that no one has to work to earn. BM has told the child that she wants to get a disability check because it is easier than working for a living. This has to be the reason why BM is acting this way. OK, not my child, not my problem, but it feels good to finally see this. Now, I understand what she is doing even though I know it is wrong and is going to harm the child in the future. I guess I feel better just being able to solve what has puzzled my for a long time. Now my mind can let it go for good.
I'm not so sure that this is
I'm not so sure that this is so much of a stretch considering your description of many of your SD's actions.. she seems to have a mental disability.. and there is no way I could see someone like that maintain employement.
I will be honest in that if she has a mental issue that will prevent her from holding jobs.. it's better to have her in the system earlier rather than later. My dad had a friend who had been supporting her adult son in her home (she was a widow at this point).. and then she had terminal cancer.. and they were unable to get him on SSI last I heard because he had no longstanding diagnosis... even though people who knew him would definitely saythere was something wrong with him.. off.
Eh, it's not easy to get
Eh, it's not easy to get disability as an adult in the U.S. A bit easier for kids if the parent can convince a doctor to give her a diagnosis and rate her functioning low, but as an adult she'd have to show she can't work. And the money would go to SD, not to BM, anyway.
Does BM get disability money? You said she has Intellectual disabilities.
Yes, BM get's disability
Yes, BM get's disability money and grants for utilities, housing assistance, food stamps and free medical. Try telling the BM that the money is the childs and not hers.
Well, once she's 18, it will
Well, once she's 18, it will be in her name. So she can turn it over to BM or not, if she wants.
Tog maybe bm will ask the
Tog maybe bm will ask the court for guardianship--conservatorship, so SHE can guard that check.
You are still far too engaged
You are still far too engaged in your EX bf's business, and I agree with ESMOD that you are playing games.
None of this is healthy. Are you keeping him on a string for you own selfish reasons?
I think you would do well to examine your own motives more, and those of your SO's ex less.
Now my mind can let it go for
Now my mind can let it go for good.
Now actually DO THAT. And let go of your EX bf for good, too.
It honestly sounds like therapy would be a good idea so you can move on from this.
I am in therapy. I almost
I am in therapy. I almost died 5 moths ago and lost some cognitive function. I'm gaining it back through cognitive therapy, slowly.
Good. I hope everything
Good. I hope everything returns to 100%!
What does your therapist say about you maintaining contact with your EX? I honestly do not believe this is healthy for you.
She is helping me set heakthy
She is helping me set heakthy boundaries with him. It's a mess and I'm trying to sort it all out. Her and I agree I need distance from his daughter and that I am struggling to maintain it. She is trying to help me sort out my own feeling about this whole mess. She agrees that he is the reason things are getting this bad and until he steps up it will never change. She also agrees that she is not my problem and in order to be mentally healthy I need her drama out of my life. She is helping me evaluate if being with him is strong enough to be worth all this and approves of our need for a break from each other if not more. Not worried about it. His daughter is going to keep him locked up in the house with her for the next 3 1/2 years. Noone will see him until she moves out if she has her way. So I'm just letting it all go and see what the future holds. Right now I'm more concerned about enjoying the next few years with my kids than keeping track of his situation. My kids have cared for me and dropped their social lives for the first 3 months after my illness to care for me without being asked. I am truly proud of them and their maturity through this whole ordeal. Now, we know I will get back to 100%, we just don't know how long it will take.