I married my wife 11 years ago and suffice to say, much like a few of the other stories I've read here it has been challenging as far as relationships go. I think I've only made it this far due to some empowerment training work that she and I did but there have been days...WHEW!!!

 So I have a rant coupled with a few questions and maybe someone here has the answer. I don't expect a ton of responses because I believe that most folk here are venting and much like me, "Have never been a step parent before" so we're all still learning.

 Well, long story short, here I'am 11 years later with three of the five kids I stood for, supported, loved and protected still living with me, (two have their own lives and places The oldest boy, and youngest girl.)

My wife had twin daughters (not identical that graduated college and moved away after degreeing themselves. One of them is married and the other is set to be married this coming Feb. The married couple, and the engaged daughter live in the top floor of our home. Our youngest son (18) lives in our home and we almost never see him. The four adults that are living in our third level support themselves and pay a share of our rent while enjoying the run of the home due to  my wife and I constantly traveling for business. They are hardworking twenty-somethings and they play as hard as they work.

Our (her) youngest son simply is insistant that he is going to operate in his own way which leaves lots of room for change and direction. He graduated last year from high school and was supposed to head straight to college. He is lazy, doesn't maintain his quarters or is even effective at doing the one chore that is mandatory which is taking out the trash. In the event that he does do it, its usually JUST the trash in the kitchen bin, but he does not go through the house and clear all the recptacles, and its hit or miss if the trash cans will even make it to the curb for pick up. He is a consumate 18 year old boy. I can accpet all of it.

I guess my question is that in the short seven months they have been in the house with us, I've noticed signifigcant changes in their attitude towards me and in some of the things I see them do.

Point 1:

Not using names, The engaged guy my wife, our married twin, and me were playing a game of spades, now historically, my wife and I have been spades literate and played well together but we had this year long losing streak over our heads. Here in the new house we decided to play. This time my wife and I switched our strategies and we demolished them. They (the young ones) would residually trash talk, post scores on the fridge the whole obnoxious bit. The first game we beat them in, there was no talk, only smart remarks hurled at my wife and I saying, "we're newbies, we sandbag, we can't count books" the second game was even worse and at the end of it, it got so disgusting, we were told we couldnt post the score on the fridge and we weren't allowed to say anything. The engaged male became angry slapping his hand on the table and that was it. I returned the slap, but louder and it got heated to the degree where, it became a heated argument, at least that was the experience I had of it. Since then we have very little dealings with each other as I see him come and go but we have not played one hand of spades since. They withdrew, so I followed suit. We speak in passing bt theres never a conversation.

Point 2:

On a casual outing the married guy and I were out on a drive and I asked him a few questions about some things that I had been feeling. He responded with rhetoric and tried to diminish and deflect the point I was making. It got heated and soon I had heard enough. I asked him, "If I was his father sitting there, would he respond th same" to which he replied yes. I know his father and doubt very seriously that he would be that disrespectful to him, and live to talk about it. I asked him to pull over so I could get out. I could find my own way back to our home. He ignored me, I repeated it louder. He kept driving, I shouted, "PULL OVER NOW" and hit the side of the door panel. He looked at me surprised and then pulled over after we exchanged a few more words. We made it back home but long story short, he and I now also seem to be estranged in our dealings, and it also has become a "HeyandBye" relationship. My wife likes to point out that my anger and how I respond is the issue and I can see how she would say that, but my quandry is here...

When kids act like, talk like, respond like, adults to an actual adult, I have been trained by MY mother, to give back the same energy. I treat them the way they treat me. I love openly and have always said what is in my heart to say. I call it like I see it. Facts are facts. If you treat me with disrespect, I get disrespectful. The world has it that, nobody should respect anybody. And I disagree. I do not disrespect any elder male or female. And I give them respect. These twenty somethings seem to be playing to my wifes sympathy while villanizing me. If they had an issue with me we could have sta down and cleared the air months ago. There are so many other things I can point out about who they are and the things they do but Ill save those for later....Anybody else dealing with adult step children who villanize you? What is the answer...???