Power struggle with adult step daughter Impacting family business
I have been a stepparent for 27 years! I can't believe I have finally found this resource and feel a bit sad that even after 27 years I'm struggling as a stepparent. Anyway, my husband and I bought a small business 15 years ago. My husband is the owner/operator and I had my own career working for another employer. I retired a couple of years ago and started helping out in our small business. My husbands 34-year-old daughter has been working for my husband's business for the past five years. Two years ago, she expressed interest in buying the business from us. My husband started letting her take more responsibility and unfortunately, she did not do very well and in fact cause some very significant financial issues. I took over handling the books exclusively. We recently hired a consultant to help us plan for the sale of our business. Again, my stepdaughter and her husband, who also works for the business part time expressed interest in buying the business from us. The consultant met with my husband, myself and my stepdaughter and established a plan for moving forward. My stepdaughter has hijacked our plan and my husband is doing his usual keep the peace routine. He will not stand up to her and put her in her place which is currently as an employee. She accuses me of being controlling and telling her father that he should speak up against me. When I pointed out that she and her husband were not working the number of hours we expected them to work, she told me that managing payroll is not an important part of the business and that we needed to focus on other things. That I have no right to question how much time she spends working because she has a life outside of work. She and I get along fine as long as I do things her way. I am at a loss as to how to stand up for myself. The dual role of stepparent and business owner is clashing. Does anyone out there have any experience dealing with something like this? What are your thoughts, comments, advice? Thank you!
Running a small business is tough - especially with relatives
Do you have an employee manual? If not, this is your first step. The manual should include job descriptions, expectations of working hours, vacations, health benefits, etc. Ask you consultant to help you. This will codify in black and white what is expected of EACH employee - including SD. Unless she is excused by her supervisor ( in writing) she is expected to be at work. You and DH should sit her down and explain to her that this is a JOB. Having this job enables her to afford to have a life outside. If the job interfers with her personal life, then perhaps she should find another job more compatible with her lifestyle. As long as you and DH own the company - she has to do things YOUR way. I once had to fire my cousin's son. He was coming in late on a regular basis. After two warnings, when he came in late again he was fired. In life, you have to follow the rules and when you break them there are cosequences. My cousin was furious but understood. When SD and her husband BUY the business, she can do whatever she wants. Until then, you call the shots. Good luck!
I'm curious.. is your DH
I'm curious.. is your DH still going to sell to your SD? I couldn't figure that out from your post.
Honestly, He needs to treat this like BUSINESS.. which it is.. business. If she and her DH want to buy the business.. it should be as an arm's length transaction. They should secure financing for the business and if your DH wants to work in some training time from him.. fine.. but you shouldn't be financing your retirement assets to someone who you know may run it in the dirt.
Too many people spend time and effort.. build a successful business... sell on an owner financing basis.. and the new buyers tank the business and what was once worth a mint is not pretty worthless and the new buyers default and you end up with a broken asset.
I am assuming that you and your DH are planning on the proceeds of this business to fund your retirement.. you need to protect that and not be in the business of financing it for them.
^^This^^
You know your SD would run the business into the ground, so no point in selling for anything other than a full cash offer. Don't bet on a lame horse.
Business and family
Business and family most of the time do not mix. Does she actually have the means to buy the business or is this only talk? If she actually can buy the business then I would do the sale ASAP and eliminate the problem. If she can not and it is just some pipe dream then I would can her ASAP and eliminate the problem. If your husband will not go along with either then I would quit as bookkeeper so that he can hire an outside person who could care less about her and eliminate the problem.
Rule one: don't go into
Rule one: don't go into business with family.
EVER.
Its a bit late for that so sell the business or fire "family".
She isn't doing what is required as an employee - would you tolerate that from a non-family member?
Business is business: when it goes bust, see how "family" she is to you and your DH.
Your other choice is to step aside completely.
Let her ruin Daddeee's business.
Have your DH buy you out of
Have your DH buy you out of the business and then let him do what he wants.
That I have no right to
Is telling her last employer that why she is working for her dad?
Selling to this daughter is the surest way to not get what the business is worth and to see it close. Owning a business means long hours and hard work. AS and husband do not seem to have a desire to do the work to succeed.
Agree with ESMOND. This is Not the way to finance your retirement.
Translation: SD wants DH to
Translation: SD wants Dadddeeee to give her the business for free. SM is entitled to nothing for the past 27 years. Running the business is so easy SD can just stay home and it will run itself.
Business and family certainly
Business and family certainly do not mix well usually. If you are doing business with family then it is imperitive that you incorporate and retain controlling interest in the corporation. That way if the Skids are running amok with the business you can re-assert control drive business performance and make the corporation a sellable asset.
So she's already caused you
So she's already caused you considerable financial loss because she's incompetent and she won't work the hours she's expected to because she's lazy. Great combination for success (not)!
Does your husband want to see his retirement go out the window? He needs to remind his daughter that she has (currently) no pull on how the business is run and to pull up her damn socks and WORK like there's no tomorrow if she wants him to sell her (cash, of course) the business. If not, he'll find another buyer who WILL be capable of carrying on the business.
OP, if I were you, I'd separate all of my finances from your husband, tell him that you will not be supporting him in his retirement, sell your part in the business either to him or to an outsider, and then resign and enjoy your retirement.
I agree
"OP, if I were you, I'd separate all of my finances from your husband, tell him that you will not be supporting him in his retirement, sell your part in the business either to him or to an outsider, and then resign and enjoy your retirement." You have to look after yourself.
Time to sell to an unrelated
Time to sell to an unrelated buyer. Then the Skids are no longer your problem and you and DH will not get calls from pissed off customers when SD and her DH run the business into the dirt.
Get your money and enjoy your life.
The issue is your DH (as is
The issue is your DH (as is almost always the case with every post on this site). He needs to man up and stand up to his daughter and treat her like any other employee. If he isn't prepared to do that then I think you do need to take other advice on here and separate your finances as why should you be impacted by his weakness?
I am right there with you, sista!
My husband started a small business 40 years ago. Twenty years ago, I took on the "CFO" role as a hobby, after a catastrophe with an incomptetent, crooked business manager almost sank it. I do payroll & all associated taxes, cash flow budgeting, and manage applications/ relations etc with SBA and banks/ leasing companies. I oversee the books, without doing the day to day data entry, as I have my own full time, unrelated corporate job. My job used to earn us 2-3 times what the business did (salary + profit), but over the last 5-6 years that has reversed.
I have two SS's, age 30/34. They have both worked for the busienss on/off since they were teens, whenever it was convenient for them. They have been full time now - SS#1 for 5 years, SS#2 for 3 years. We pay them both very fairly. SS #1 makes a salary and has flexible hours, as he has a quasi-volunteer 2nd occupation working with young people that takes up evenings and weekends for 6 months of the year. We want to support that, and his role in the company can accommodate. SS#2 usually works about 34 hours/wk and accuses DH of slave-driving. He could work as much OT at 1.5 times pay as he wanted (a few of our employees do, and make just shy of 6-figures), but SS#2 chooses not to. He is always broke, and "evaluating other offers", even though we provide him with car, insurance, gas, maintentance, repairs, a phone, and we bought a condo for him to live in at a below-market rent.
We live in a small, isolated community where it is very expensive to live. Both boys had 6-ish years of college (you're welcome), but only SS#1 graduated, and injuries stymied his attempts at a different career. Neither kid has any other future prospects that would provide anything other than a modest wage and allow them to stay in our area, as they wish. SS #1 has many of the financial skills to take over what I do, and he is a good communicator and understands the numbers and marketing. SS#2 is very skilled mechanically, and "gets" operations. They are both great when they show up and work together. We see glimmers of light at the end of the tunnel.
The plan is (was?), in a few years, for DH to slowly step away, I would completely step away, and he would keep drawing his full salary for 15 years, but no longer share in profits. We'd retain ownership on the premisis we own, and at that point, the mortgage would be paid. The business would continue to pay us "rent", and that would be a portion of our retirement income, providing roughly 25% of our income in retirement. Neither SS has decent credit, so them financing a one-time buyout of business and/or property would not be feasible.
SS#2 just told us he thinks that is incredibly greedy to sell them the business at "a price they cannot afford". He is completely ignorant and does not understand the numbers. But told me this is proof of what horrible people we are that we don't care enough about our sons' security that we set them up to fail blah blah blah.
I just wish he would go away, but I don't think SS#1 could run the business on his own. Issues we thought would be cured with experience... haven't been. I'm at the end of my rope with SS#2 - not sure where to go. Where DH & I should be getting gratitude and offers to help with things, we just get yelled at and insulted. After 22 years of sacrificing and sucking it up and being the adult in the room and trying to come from a place of love and optimism.... I'm somehow done.
Sounds like you are too.
Call a business broker. Sell, and retire.
The spawn are not your responsibility nor are they your DH's responsibility.
They are adults. Let them adult.
WHOA!
Yes, do not continue doing for people who do not have gratitude!
SS needs to grow up.