My husband seems to miss SD less since we had the baby.  SD hardly talks to  my Husband unless she wants something and never wants to visit. She said she wanted to see us all the time after we had the baby but we hear from her even less. I think BM saw and opportunity to complete her alienation and took.it. fine by me. 

My in laws are nightmares though. I can't even talk about my baby without them bringing up SD or comparing her. 

Well, speaking from experience (unlike a previous poster who's not even a stepparent or part of a stepfamily), my DH was just matter-of-fact about it when he told SS11. He didn't act like it was a huge deal or that he "owed" him special treatment to make up for the fact that he was having more children. And it does seem like DH misses Ss less now that we have our two.

We gave baby news to the SDs (similar ages) several months ago. They were beyond excited and viewed it as very good news.  One thing that surprised me - SD6 asked if the baby would go back and forth to BM with them.

Accept that even in intact families, adding a child can stir up issues.  Make certain that you have help, either from DH, your mom or paid. 

Dont expect the older kids to make a big deal.  

When we found out we were expecting, we included them in everything - from the clothes we got, putting up the pram, to coming to a 4D scan. All was brilliant when she was born. Took the eldest teen to come round to it but he's great now and lives with us. The youngest was really brilliant (but now a year on is quite inappropriate and it makes me nervous) the middle one was ok with it but took him a little while to process and he had to adjust in his own time. He's fab now. Don't stress too much and I'm sure they will all be fine xxx congrats xxx

Congratulations on your bundle of joy. Do not allow your step kids, H or anyone else to steal your joy. They don't have to like it and I wouldn't stress myself out about telling them. Either they like it or they don't, but what they feel about the situation wouldn't be my concern. Just make sure you enjoy every moment of your pregnancy and regardless of what anyone feels about it...this child is your priority and your pride and joy.

Wishing you a healthy and speedy delivery OP.

We gave the baby news to my 3 DDs (15,13,11 at the time) and 2 SD's (15,11 at the time). My 15 year old DD went bat shit crazy...even went to live with her dad before baby was born and has zero relationship with baby.....she was so mad and angry. Everyone else was excited and  happy.

My experience was this:

DH kept beating around the bush, waiting for The Perfect Moment, to tell skid we were going to have a baby, until... skid (just 7-years-old at the time) figured it out on her own. 

It was summer and dreadfully hot. I was about 4 months pregnant, wearing a short summer dress. She matter of factly asked me if I had a baby in my belly and I told her “Yes! Yes, I do.”

There was no damn way I was going to play this wait to tell game DH was so desperately wanting to drag out. 

Skid then went home and told mommy dearest all about it. It was glorious. 

We just flat out told SK when we told the rest of the family, no special talks or making a bigger deal of it. I'm pregnant again and same thing, we told SK when we told everyone else.

As far as how SK reacted: excited and helpful, but also somewhat jealous and displayed a lot of "babyish" tendencies occasionally (like asking for a bottle), but that could've happened in intact families as well. SK was used to being the only child for a long time, and is a very sensitive and emotional child anyways-- so there WAS a lot of coddling from the in laws, mother in law especially, who fretted endlessly over SK feeling left out. I let her fret, but didn't partake in it or care particularly. Once you're holding YOUR child, momma instincts kick in and all you care about is protecting that precious baby against toxic people.

Don't let ANYONE rain on your parade. Pregnancy and motherhood is wonderful, amazing and should be celebrated. You should not, for one single second, think about your SK's, their mom or anyone else other than the happiness you feel about your pregnancy and this really exciting time. If your DH starts suffering from guilty daddy syndrome, squash that s*** immediately, is my advice.

Congrats on the baby, it is such an exciting time!

My wife and I don't have other children other than our son (my former SS-27 who I adopted).  SS nearly killed DW when she had him and I would not risk DW's life for Rags' spawn.  I love kids and she wanted more but that was not in the cards for us.

When my wife brought it up over a few years when SS was in the 6-11yo range SS was ademant that he wanted to be an only child in our family.  His SpermIdiot's efforts to breed every underage womb in the PAC NW created such a toxic brood in that family that SS wanted no part of more sibs.

Not that SS would have had a say if we had seriously considered having more.

Agree with the above poster, don't let SKs ruin this joyful time. 

We waited and told SD10 after I was 14 weeks. She cried. She acted/pretended to be happy for us at first. Then her true feelings came out over the months. She would say things like, he's going to get more attention than me, you wish I was a boy, that's not fair he has a crib, stroller, etc. (any baby essential). She is incredibly jealous and incapable of being positive/happy for us. 

I let DH handle the "talks" with her. I don't want to get in the middle and get blamed for anymore else. He addresses her jealousy.

Be prepared for the resentment to come out. I made custom onesies for the baby... thought I had missed placed them. DH and I found them shoved under the basement bathroom sink. She won't call the baby by his name or brother, she says "it". My only worry is having SD around the baby unsupervised. I wouldn't put anything past her. 

Since telling SD the news, she has wanted to spend more time at BMs and wants to live with her full-time. I forsee this happening more often after the baby gets here. Fingers crossed! I honestly think it would be best for everyone all around. I don't think DH would formally change the CO. But I definitely see him giving up some days and visits here and there. Already has.  Fingers crossed! 

This announcement is your first step in parenting.  Not the skids but for your little one on the way.  If you spend a lot of time and effort on the skids, you might want to back that down, for your own sanity, to get them used to you not being as available and for their father to step up with them.  When the baby comes, be sure they are taken care of away from your house, all kinds of people have been know to interfere with birth plans. As for the comment by CG above, there is some truth in Dad needing to find balance within himself on how life works with a bio that is 24/7 and bios that aren't.  Hopefully he won't be manipulated by outsiders into being indulgent with the skids.  Intact families have babies and this should not be the event that wrecks havoc but just a normal thing.   If you think drama will ensue, hold off on telling anyone until you can't.  Our BM made huge drama when she found out, thru a temper tantrum in front of skids and walked out on them. We took them in and they were shell shocked that night.   She tried call cops for "kidnapping" but DH told her what she did, and that she needs to get her self together before he returned them to her.  She was a hot mess over this. Some BM's lose their minds for some unexplainable reason.   The skids told BM , not DH.  We told them.  We told gender with whole family at Thanksgiving and there was joy.  
 

Look hard at who the players are in your situation and make the choice yourselves, so many things are out of your control in a blended situation, control what you can.