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"Green flags"

ITB2012's picture

Submitted by ITB2012 on Mon, 11/18/2019 - 6:31pm

Saw an interesting question in a post on another forum saying that the person has seen all the lists of red flags for relationships, but what are some green flags? I thought that was an interesting question. If you were asked, what would you say is a green flag?

I'm sure the first one will be: the person does NOT have kids.

 

Comments

SecondNoMore's picture

Submitted by SecondNoMore on Mon, 11/18/2019 - 7:48pm

That means living in their own place with a career and not a lot of debt and have maintained independence and financial health for a good amount of time. Where someone lives, how they live tells you a lot about someone.  No one's life is where it is by accident.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Mon, 11/18/2019 - 11:50pm

Kindness towards wait staff, housekeepers, valets, and of course - animals! The way a person treats those whose jobs involve some sort of a customer service role is often indicative of the type of person they really are.

They treat their family and friends well - because they come from a "functional" background.

They let you control the remote at least half the time.

They let you drive part of the time.

 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 11/19/2019 - 7:52am

The biggest green flag that I saw with my DH, actually had nothing to do with his kid (that came later), but when I laid down some basic considerations that I wanted ("rules", if you will), he respected my wishes, my boundaries. He respected ME.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 11/19/2019 - 9:03am

I think the first green flag with DH was I saw his kindness. 

Others:

  • Financially secure
  • Good boundaries with kids and other family
  • He prioritizes our relationship
  • He isn't a cheater or liar. 
  • He is a good communicator
  • We laugh, a lot! 
  • We are both extroverted introverts. We can play who ever we have to in public but in reality we just want to go back to our little bubble of just the 2 of us ignoring the world. Similar personalities means we get the cues the other is giving and don't make the other deal with uncomfortable situations. 

captjacksprrw's picture

Submitted by captjacksprrw on Tue, 11/19/2019 - 9:04am

Excellent topic.  Green for a change:

  • Open and honest communication between the two of you
  • Your relationship being every bit as important as the relationship with Skids
  • SHARED roles.  You are the two alphas.  Period.  The kids no matter what age are the kids and you are the adults
  • Setting aside time for the two of you
  • Skids can give their thougts and opinions.  However, they do not get any equal vote.  They can launch and establish their own home
  • Works in union with you to set household expectations and enforce them (e.g. Oh yes, you will help with dishes and fold your laundry. Basically, ensure that the Skids participate as part of the family)
  • Agree to an absolute moratorium on behavior as a Concierge, Helicopter or Bulldozer Bio