Oh my... Things with SS may be escalating. *Long, sorry*
We are holding BM to the court order.
SS messaged DH and told him to have fun wasting money on the flight because he wouldn't be on it. DH told him that he didn't have a choice in the matter and that he would discuss it with BM.
DH then emailed BM reminding her of the new court order which states:
“DH should have parenting time with SS to include four weeks during the summer, all of Spring Break, and ½ of the Winter Break. This schedule should start as of Spring Break 2019. There is no reason why those visits must occur in Kansas. The summer visit should be scheduled in such a manner that it interferes as little as possible with SS’s summer activities. But, if the parenting time with dad overlaps the activities, DH’s time should take priority
If SS chooses not to go and see his father during his scheduled parenting time, everyone, including SS, should understand there are potential consequences for those actions. Such actions would signal to the court that SS is being allowed to make his own decisions and there is a lack of parental control in his current placement.”
He also (per our lawyer) threw in:
To be 100% clear I will file contempt charges if our son is not put on the plane for this Christmas break 2019.
Additionally based on that second paragraph I want to include the texts our son and I have had since last night 13NOV2019 and today 14NOV2019; please see attached/below. Are you ready to show that you have “parental control” over our son or is that another can of worms you are ready to open? ** The texts were just him telling DH he wasn't going and no one could make him.**
Our Talk Last night:
I said that I hope he realizes that if SS shows up he is going to be giant belligerent a**hole. DH said he was perfectly aware and is actually looking forward to disciplining him and grounding him if he does act like that. He will take away his cell phone and send him to his room (SS has his own room at our new house which is good for my BS, as they used to share the FROG as a bedroom). He will also have as many counseling appointments as we can schedule during that time.
We spoke to the kids and told them that we are pushing back our ski trip until Jan. basically per the lawyer who is afraid that something could happen or things could escalate with SS and we wouldn't be in a familiar area. They are fine with it. We also told them that if SS puts his hands on any one of them to immediately tell DH (he will not be at work the entire time SS is scheduled to be with us) and DH would handle it. We told the 3 we have at home that they will ABSOLUTELY not made to feel like they are not our priority and that they should feel comfortable in their home because our home is their home 100%.
DH also said that if SS did put his hands on any of the other kids he would call and have him arrested. DH was pissed when he found out that SS was punching BS last time he was out here and that he didn't know about it. BS didn't want DH to worry about it because he knows how hard DH works to be a part of SS's life and didn't want there to be issues.
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I believe 100%, based on SS
I believe 100%, based on SS hugging DH when he saw him in court and what I know about PA, that if/when he gets to your home, he will NOT be a giant belligerent a$$hole, he will be his normal self.
I know I've already told you my SS came over and was himself, after reams of nasty texts and a year of visitation refusal. Even hugged DH and told him he loved him.
If you can get the kid there, he will be fine. But I don't see BM letting him go.
I am not sure how SS will act
I am not sure how SS will act if he shows up. However, I really don't believe he will be on the plane. I know you have the court order but BM is obviously not afraid to go against the order. The judge has let her get away with it so many times that she figures this is just more empty threats.
I hope you're not paying CS
for SS. I can't remember the backstory, but due to his refusal to see DH it shoudl be deem a Constructive Emancipation by Conduct.
That hasn't worked in either
That hasn't worked in either of our situations - courts don't really stop CS for any reason.
I WISH!!! I will ask the
I WISH!!! I will ask the attorney to argue that if we go back to court as a last stitch thing though, sounds like a good argument to make!
I admire how your H continues
I admire how your H continues to fight to see his son regardless of what's said or thrown at him.....however, there has to come a time where he takes a step back and takes care of himself, especially emotionally. You may not see it now but this does take a toll on him and everyone else (you included). It's not so much him giving up but sometimes you just have to let things be....not necessarily let it go but just let the pieces fall where they may.
Unfortunately SS is acting like a little shit and his mother is enabling the disrespectful behavior. The PAS is strong here so just a gentle reminder that your health & mental well being matters in all this.
We trying the best we can for
We trying the best we can for that balance. I think DH needs the closure of having a visit since we know how bad the PAS is and how much of what is said is BM. After he has the actual face to face time (which he has not been able to have with SS since August of 2018), he isn't going to keep fighting. He needs the visit though, and I support him in that.
Thank you for saying that our health matters in all of this, because it does take a HUGE emotional toll. I know that I have real physical reactions when things ramp up. I am hoping this is over quickly and we can just move on. If SS doesn't come out it will be the 3rd contempt and hopefully, if nothing else we will get some of the $$ back that she should have had to pay by way of tax credits.
What happens if (which is
What happens if (which is likely), he DOESN'T get this visit? Will he keep this up? Of course he wants to see him son, but it's not likely BM will comply.
I honestly don't know.
I honestly don't know.
Our lawyer said that he would move for an immediate motion for emergency change in cirumstances and not just contempt due to lack of parental control. However, both DH and my eye's kind of popped out with "Do we want this asshole to move in with us against his will???"
What DH wants is to be able to have an impact on his son. To have a meaningful relationship. To share the joys and heataches. To be around when he graduates HS, and hopefully college or a tech school, when he get's married and has kids. DH just wants to be a normal dad. It is just breaking his heart to have to deal with all of this.
So, I dont know. I don't know what the right move is. I know we are sick of the lawyer fees. I know we are sick of the heartache. I know we just want to be in a normal setting with him. It really isn't asking a whole hell of a lot.
Believe me, I get it.
Believe me, I get it.
What BM wants is to tie DH up in knots and have legal control over him for as long as possible, using his son as a weapon. There will always be a chance for another contempt petition, etc. He has to decide when enough is enough.
It isn't asking a lot - but it might be impossible right now.