Sd Quit her job
SD, age 17, has quit her job. She says it causes her too much anxiety. She was a hostess/waitress at a popular restaurant in town. She has only had the job a few months. She didn't work for awhile due to the "rape" and "mental breakdown".
I am not sure if she is ever going to be able to have a job. I am not sure if she has anxiety or she just says she has anxiety. It is hard to determine with her. She seems fine when I am around her and I admit it is not very often that I am around her anymore. She had no problem speaking to the detective on the "rape" case and talking to him everyday. She takes the city bus whereever she wants to go or she will walk (BM lives in town) but she says this job is too much for her.
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For someone with bi-polar it
For someone with bi-polar it very well could be too much. They don't think/process/operate the same way we do at all. Have you and your dh done anything to further understand this mental illness?
Yes
We have researched.
I was just stating that she says she has anxiety. Wouldn't she also have anxiety about other things like riding a city bus or speaking to a police officer as well. Her anxiety seems to come and go depending on the circumstances. It isn't just when she is "high" or "low". The job gives her anxiety but riding a bus or talking to a police officer doesn't about "rape" doesn't. She has been at the job a few days shy of the rape and has been riding the city bus the same amount of time.
SD will use the fact that she has anxiety if it benefits her. I am not saying the job doesn't cause her anxiety, I am just sayng I am not sure if it does or if SD just says it does. It is hard to determine with her.
Accountancy, working with
Accountancy, working with animals, IT, writing and similar jobs are supposedly more suited to ‘social anxiety’ than some other jobs. - could she go and see a careers advisor or has she taken subjects at college that would be too expensive now to re train for.
She hasn't
taken any college courses yet. She will be going to college next fall or so she says. She thinks she is going to be able to study abroad at some point. I am not sure that is going to happen with her anxiety. She has an off the wall college degree and minor. She wants to be a college professor and work in another country. I just can't see this happening. I could be wrong but with her anxiety it just doesn't seemed to be possible. I haven't said anything, I just keep my mouth shut and save my frustration/talking for Steptalk.
Restaurant work IS stressful.
Restaurant work IS stressful. Being a hostess is entry level work, but it requires patience, manners, and communication skills so I can see why SD can't cope with it.
Yeah
I understand it could be stressful and demanding. I am just not sure in reality that she will be able to work a full time job. I am just concerned that she may not be able to find a job that she could work
True
We will see.
That’s a very good point.
That’s a very good point.
Is she in therapy to learn
Is she in therapy to learn how to cope with this "anxiety"? Daizy, I can definitely understand your frustrations on this if she's just saying this as a cop out to avoid working. Either way she still needs help in developing skills where she can manage and at the end of the day become a fully functioning, independent, self supporting adult.
Yes,
She has been in therapy since she was 6 years old. BM put her in therapy because DH and I were married and she said SD couldn't cope. SD knew in advance that we were getting married. SD has been seen this therapist once or twice a week since. Therapist said that SD had anxiety at 6 years old.
Anxiety is often part of
Anxiety is often part of Bipolar Disorder and can definitely be situation specific. She may have anxiety about doing a job in front of others, or being judged by customers - but have no issue riding a bus or talking to a police officer. This skid does sound like she has legitimate mental health issues - does she have a therapist?
Truthfully, she may end up on disability and not able to work at some point.
Anxiety et al
I agree with you that a large section of today's darlings just cannot handle simple activities of daily living. Now, I noticed the word rape in quotations. Are you inferring that either she made up an assault or worse falsely accused someone? Just curious as that is another issue to pursue. Since SD is 17, you and DH could consider making the appointment with a decent counselor (ask around to be sure) and make her attend at least a few visits. As with any behavioral health issue, if she refuses in those few visits to participate there is not a thing anyone can do.
The rape
She accussed a 17 year old of raping her and then invited him back the next night (he spent the night) and she said he raped her again. She also had a situation about a year ago where she invited a boy over and she said she was raped at that time too. BM was home in the next room when the so called rape happened. The first rape she refused the press charges. The second rape DH convinced her to press charges. The boy took a plea for a misdemeanor charge and will be out in Dec.
DH can't take her to a therapist because BM has sole custody. Long story short DH basically screwed himself when they were going for custody so he doesn't have a say in SD's life.
BM does have SD in therapy
Oh man... I never saw that
Oh man... I never saw that poor boy took a deal.
Everyone is throwing this
Everyone is throwing this 'kids today' stuff around but have no friggin clue how bi-polar disorder works. Unfortunately accusations of rape are not uncommon....but in THEIR minds it actually DOES happen so they believe it to be true. I see a lot of armchair and ragging on 'kids' today, including by Daisy....when she knows and her DH knows-AND ignored the fact that the girls was very mentally ill. SO all this bs about her anxiety being convenient, etc....is just dumb honestly. I think Daisy/Husband rather rag on the kid/bm then actually educate themselves, attend some meetings/group therapy and REALLY dig into what this disease is.
I sent you some info Daisy....I would hope you guys can actually DO something proactive about understanding this and also getting support for yourselves, because it's almost harder on the caregivers then the one affected. I