So SD9 has been confiding in me some hurtful things her mother has been doing. As seen in previous post BM only has visitation 3 times a year (where the kids fly out to see her) and she is known to be quite manipulative.

Lately SD9 has been getting involved with alot of extracurriculars and really enjoying herself. This of course makes BM furious cause she's on a mission to get the SKs to live with her full time, even though she claims she's broke all of the time (she wants a free cheque), and it's really easy to do that through SD9 as she is a people pleaser. BM loves to control her cause she knows she won't rebel. I guess now she feels she is losing that control. So she has been treating SKs, especially SD9, like absolute garbage. SD7 doesn't see this because she is usually on cloud 9 half of the time, so everything is ok to her lol. She's been ignoring them when they face time (literally just answers the phone and goes and do something else like watch a movie or replies with one word answers like an angry teenager).

SD9 told me a week or so ago that her mom ignored her when she said hi to her while BM was talking to SD7. She said that she said hi many times and she purposely didn't acknowledge it. SD9 started crying and I didn't say much but offer her some comforting hugs and letting her know that she did her part. Well, yesterday SD9 said that her mom did the same thing again, and when they went to say buy she totally ignored them when they said "Bye mommy I love you". So I asked her if she maybe didn't hear what she said and SD said that she did because she even stayed on the phone for a while and then just said bye and hung up right away. So I told SD that she is doing her part and that BM is the adult and she is the child, so if that's how BM wants to act then that's on her cause BM should know better. I told SD9 that she should maybe talk to her mom and let her know how she feels however SD9 replied crying saying that she is too afraid to tell her that cause she thinks her mom will get mad at her and tell her that she's never going to talk to her again or say mean things to her that's going to make her sad. So I told her that she should not let someone treat her that way regardless of who they are, and that if that does happen, to step away from the phone or give it to her sister, and to let DH know and he'll take care of it. 

Has anyone else had a similar situation? What did you do?

Sometimes I feel like don't want to say too much because I don't  want SKs to take it as I am disrespecting their mom. But at the same time, I also want to open their eyes to the fact that BM is treating them like crap and that they should not just accept it, just because she is their mother.

At this point I am starting to see more and more of how manipulative/mean BM is to the point that these kids feel like they are disrespecting her by telling her how they are feeling, which is ridiculous and damaging.