Help I'm becoming broken inside from his ex wife

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Hi this is my first time writing on here so apologies if I rant on.

I am 1year in a relationship with someone who has a 6 year old daughter and I have a 6 year old son they get on so well, and so will with each of us we have a great family connection and most importantly my partner and I have a good relationship when it dosent involve the ex wife.

Where do I start the second he told her he has a girlfriend she told him I have come off the pill and trying for a baby, then suddenly 6weeks later she had an abortion, my boyfriend ran around helping her in anyway a week after this she starts hurling abuse at my boyfriend calling me a prostitute a barbie a drag queen (baring in my I've never up to this point even mentioned her and even asked to meet her and be friends just as I am with my ex partners girlfriend)

She then demanded to meet me and for me to explain why I feel the need to be around her daughter.

It continues for months he got untold abuse about me and his daughter, she called him a pervert and said her daughter calls her partner daddy and she won't correct him, really horrible vile stuff. We went on holiday for when week she called every day and messeged at least 10 to 20 times he replied to everything right down to her damanding a po y for her daughter he says yes to everything.

Suddenly in June it all changed she split from her boyfriend and she was all over my partner saying how great he is blah blah. His behaviour changed slightly during this time.

She was suddenly the nicest woman he was so up her arse it was a joke, I said why are u being so nice he said because she didn't mean it so I bite my tounge we then went on holiday for 2 weeks with the kids, he was acting strange texting at the dinner table phone faced downwards, I got suspicious and I found untold messages between them, she had been sending bikini photos of her self to him, pictures from a night out with her mates, u told messeges about her personal life even referencing going on tinder, he responded to all of them with short messeges and she said I forgot u are with your blended family now, he replied yes it's hard, she put I forgot your my ex husband haha.

I was so upset confronted him, he responded that's just her deal with it and told me I was insecure his mum and dad who were on holiday said that is just her, he wants u not her.

Then it was his daughters birthday and my son was invited he was so excited to go and the ex wife turned round 3 days before and said no he can't come as I don't want to meet your new girlfriend which was so evil, my little boy sobbed for days. I told my partner to stick up for us he didn't.

I then said I don't want to see u until I cleaar my head as this was to much hurting my boys feelings like that. We then met up this weekend and what a surprise she has striked again, the ex wife told her 6 years old daughter that we had broken up and now back together, I said no I love u very much and we haven't broken up.

I have so much anger inside of me towards my partner because I feel he treats me with no respect, he even bought her 80poud perfume for her birthday present and the ex got him the same. I find that so inappropriate but he said its from his daughter, I think that is far to extravagant for an ex wife.

I am a mother who is co parenting and I get on well with my ex partner and his girlfriend and we know our boundaries and have respect for one anothers relationship so please tell me what I'm doing wrong because all I keep getting is this is how she is deal with it and even his mum said the first day I met her u need to be strong ridiculous

My partner dosent have a back bone and I feel she manipulates the life out of him they were married 10years with a lot of money, she took him for as much as possible and he pays for everything now right down to house renovations her mortgage she dosent need to work because he subsidies it all, anything for his daughter he pays she dosent contribute at all, she even demanded a pony, it's insane.

Ex-wife is not the problem,

Ex-wife is not the problem, HE is the problem. Why are you putting up with how he treats you?

Normally I don't jump on the run train

but I think you should leave this horrible excuse for a partner and find someone worthy of you. He sounds like he is totally still enmeshed with his ex wife. If my bf was getting bikini photos from his ex and did not tell me, we would probably be over honestly.

He should not be getting her any gifts anymore and she should not be getting him any either. Christmas, birthday, mother's day, if he wants to help his child pick something out for her mother, that is one thing. No 6 year old is picking out perfume, let alone expensive perfume for their mom's birthday.

He does not have boundaries with his ex and honestly he does not sound over her either. Time to move on to someone who respects you and cares enough for you to put firm boundaries in place and respect your relationship. Sorry, but you deserve WAY better

This guy is a POS. Move on.

This guy is a POS. Have some self respect. Move on.

He does not value you. You need to value yourself.

smh

Thank u for replying I just

Thank u for replying I just feel like I'm at breaking point with it all, she was sending him messeges about her holiday and pictures from her sitting in her business class seat to him and he rploed have a nice holiday, she sends him photos from a night out with her mate and put tell my daughter I love her and he replied let me know when u get home. I find that so wrong when she has been so vile about me to him and splitting us up, I 100% understand messages about their daughter of course but this isn't. She then sent photos from their past together saying do u remember this and he replied again, she sends stuff about her going on tinder he replied yeah it's difficult out there. So inappropriate

Now she is back with her boyfriend and it's gone nasty again. I can't seem to move forward from this messages in Turkey at all, he saw no wrong in it all and said that's just her and I'm insecure, if I was secure in my skin it wouldn't affect me

Thank u for replying I just

When people show you who and

When people show you who and how they are you need to believe them. BM is going to be crazy. Dating someone with an ex wife and prior children will only be successful if they are able to set healthy boundaries.

Set your expectations for with your boyfriend and be prepared to end the relationship in process and changes don't happen. Take control of your happiness and your future.

For starters exwife went past inappropriate when she sent

Half naked pics clearly trying to woo her ex hubby.

i mean her bf dumped her because he was likely tired of her fake shit, she had all along been rubbing it in her exhubbyms face that her bf is the new daddy so take that!! Then gets dump so she needs to make herself relevant to exhubby again...

total and typical narcissistic traits. Men in committed relationships only want to see their girlfriend or wife/partner naked so if an ex-spouse or friend sent those pics he should have laid some firm boundaries which he didn’t.

your man does not truly respect you or stand up for you, he is still emotionally married to the ex and he makes excuses and tried to gaslight you instead

Perfectly said!

Perfectly said! They do need to be relevant. They cannot stand not being so.

It is as if they don't exist if someone doesn't validate them.

my boyfriend ran around

my boyfriend ran around helping her in anyway
He is still playing husband to his ex.

he even bought her 80poud perfume for her birthday present
He is still playing husband to his ex.

My partner dosent have a back bone
He doesn't want to make waves with his ex.

This man is still emotionally married. Do yourself and your son a favor and find a man who is actually available.

He's still enmeshed with his

He's still enmeshed with his ex and the constant communication and inappropriate messages are a huge red flag. He sees nothing wrong with his actions and wants you to just "deal with it". If he's so involved with the ex, he needs to get back with her and have his "happy family" back again. This relationship is not healthy and you don't deserve this poor treatment.

Do yourself the favor and leave this mess.

You've definitely got a DH

You've definitely got a DH problem. He hasn't moved on from his marraige nor has he established any boundaries with his ex. Necessary communication about his daughter - acceptable. Any other communication - absolutely not.

Welcome to the site!

As Lollybobs said, acceptable communications with an ex are concerning necessary matters to do with mutual kids, nothing else. Your man is being an utter knob head - just because he has stopped for a while because BM is back with bf, doesn't mean he will stop for good.

My first post as well

I am so sorry you are enduring this. I speak from 10 years in a relationship with a man who remained enmeshed with his ex wife. No matter how much this woman inserted herself into our lives, it was never enough for my man to get fed up with it. I always suspected , from early on, that when I wasn't around that she would come on to him. A part of me always knew that even though he didn't act on it that a part of him liked it. I was made to feel crazy for even suggesting it and also given the line," That is just how she is", as well. In this situation, I did my best to try to co-parent and ," get along". I was told these thoughts were in my head, hellacious fights over her constant presence in my life along with his ex- in - laws.

Flashforward to two weeks ago. After yet another ex wife drama, it came out that I was right all along. That woman came to my home, ate my food, used my time and energy and all the while that snake was coming on to my man all along. Don't worry.. I understand he was wrong for not telling me all this time. I would have chosen my time, energy and even how invested I became with his children had I known these things. There is more, but her sending him bikini pics and him not being necessarily open about it to you or putting an end to that behavior is a serious flag.

I know not all people are the same, but this smells like something very bad. Before you give away your life, I did... trusting someone who truly can't be. I would seriously consider how much he needs to know she is somehow still on the hook with him. After 10 years, alot of time, effort, lost trust, financial issues, I honestly don't think I would ignore my gut again that told me this is very very wrong.

You won't get that time, effort , money or heartbreak back. You'll wonder why you didn't trust what you already know. Neither of them will necessarily care much. Of course you'll get the excuses and the begging from him but what is enough for these two people to stop? They are so enmeshed that they do not even see what they are doing to you or your child.

Please do not give away a decade of your life into an empty pit of selfish usury.

Trust your gut. It isn't lying to you.

Good luck! Hope to see you again. I'm new too

If he won't set boundaries

If he won't set boundaries with his ex, then you need to set boundaries with HIM. BF, you act like you are still married to your exwife sometimes, and I can't be in a relationship with someone who does not make me his priority. If you don't end your relationship with her, then I have no choice but to end our relationship.

I really don't see any middle ground, and he seems content to have both you and his ex on speed dial. I couldn't live like that.