I don't know if you can. I feel EXACTLY the same way about SS12 and it's been 3 years. At least he lives with BM and not us, but I absolutely dread when he is in our home. There are days I also find SS16 annoying, but nowhere near to the extent I find SS12.

SS12 gives me hugs and chatters to me all the time. Have done my darndest to truly care about him and my DH thinks I do, but in truth I find him, well, repulsive.

If you are kind and considerate and not abrupt and hateful, IMHO, I think you are doing the best you can.

You're not evil. Take the pressure off of yourself, you don't have to love him like your own.

You're tolerating him and seem to be doing ok faking it so just accept that you don't love him and free yourself. You are doing better than most just being able to fake it.

Does it not bother your husband that his son is lazy and has a bad attitude? Have you said anything to your husband about it? (in a constructive way, of course) Because laziness may ensure him living with you past the age of 18.

It is not too early to start planning his launch. Does he plan on going to college or what?

I haven't been liking SS15 lately either. I don't want him in my home. I don't want him anywhere near me. He's becoming the kind of person I don't like- dishonest, sneaky, lazy, and not caring about anyone or anything. He also still (purposely) wets the bed at his age.

I wouldn't be friends with a person like him. He's the kind of toxic person I normally would purge from my life.

The best you can do is be kind and respectful. Anything more than that is extra and not necessary. No one loves a skid like their own unless MAYBE they've raised that kid from a very young age and there's no BM/PAS in the picture.

I, too, want you to NOT beat yourself up for not loving your SS like you think you should. I am a BM to 4 DDs and "dad's new wife" (don't consider myself a SM), and I feel the same about all 3 of dh's sons. I love my own unconditionally and forgive them quickly. Dh's sons...NO. I had to live with SS21 for over 2 years and it almost ruined my marriage. God bless you for putting up with your SS for alot longer than I had to. I absolutely was not cut out to be a stepmother, so a darn good thing dh and I were older when we met and our kids were mostly grown. They've caused enough problems between us as adults...I cannot imagine raising someone else's kids. God bless you!

You are in good company here. Keep coming back. We're here for you.

I don't think you could ever love someone's else's child the way you love your own. I mean my child grew inside of me, under my heart, and I brought her into this world. That was instant love that is unconditional and could never be broken. My SD8 is only with us 50% of the time and I can't stand her AT ALL. My SO actually knows how I feel because I do not have a poker face or a filter at times lol. It sucks to be in this situation, all you can do is your best and if he is driving you crazy then try to find ways to avoid him and just bide your time. Hopefully at 18 he will get out and just visit here and there and not want to live with you forever as so many entitled brats tend to do. I've already laid it out for my SO that at 18 his child and mine have the following options and you might want to consider letting your DH know this. 1. College 2. Trade school 3. Service 4. Get out of my house and do whatever you want to.

Absolutely stop beating yourself up! Your behavior is exemplary - and that's all anyone can ask of you.

For what it's worth, teenagers suck. I found that once my older 2 SDs got out of the teen years that I liked them a WHOLE lot more! You may find as he matures that you're feelings for him do become more warm. But either way, at 16, you're in the home stretch!

Take that mantle of guilt and run it down the garbage disposal. OK you had high thoughts and that was nice but your wishes go against almost everyone's basic instincts. He's not your kid. Stop with the guilt already.

From your description you're doing a great job of acting and that's all anyone expects of you. The kid has a "Mom" and Daddy has a complete family which almost always includes a lazy, selfish and irritating teenager. Sounds like 100% of the people living in your home are perfectly normal.

Your guy is worth waiting it out and the kid should be gone soon so stay the course.

I really don't think you should beat yourself up about this. In fact, I would be concerned if you did love your SS as your own, as some day, your heart could get crushed into a million pieces if SS decided he no longer wanted to call you "Mom" or treat you like a mother. Unfortunately, it's the SKs that get to decide how close they want to be or not to be to the SPs, so for that reason, I think SPs are wise to guard their hearts and know that they could be turned on at any minute.

I am taking the same advice that I've given you as to my new Step-GD. Her father, SS20, was estranged from us for about 5 years when he became a teen and suddenly decided to openly hate DH and DH's extended family. (BM had a full on PAS war for years that led up to this.) Much to our surprise, after SGD was born, SS20 just as suddenly had a major turnaround and has sought and wanted a relationship with DH and me, so right now, things are great. I love our little SGD, but I realize at any minute SS20 could change his mind and turn on us and we'd never see them again. Therefore, although I'm nice to all of them and I buy them nice gifts, etc., I don't ever let myself get too close.

Also, I agree that teens are just difficult. I am finding it hard at times to like my own DS13 with DH. DH feels the same way. We love him but he can be such a sh*t. DH and I have jokingly said we can never get divorced because there's no way DS13 could be a SK, as he would be a SPs' nightmare!! So don't beat yourself up, and hang in there!

This is the only place I know of where a step-parent can be honest and not be looked upon as a monster. I don't love any of my step-children. There are 4 adults. #1 is a deadbeat mom, #2 is a lazy whore, #3 I don't know b/c DH didn't have anything to do with him, #4 is a drunken, arrogant giant who is destined to fall on his pompous a$$. #5 is SD12 and I don't like her, much less LOVE her. I tried. I bent over backwards at first...I quit. I disengaged. I moved out, I moved back in, and now SD12 and I fake liking each other. She has verbalized her desire for me and BD13 to not be here. I can only tell you step-talkers, my sister, and my counselor that I wish she would go to her mom's and never come back. Not even to visit.

Two years isn't too long. It'll fly by, no worries. Make sure you make it clear where what you want to happen at 18. He won't be moving right away though but at least there won't be ties to BM.

I cant stand my stepdaughter ... she's an ass hole ... to her bio mom ... the kid tells her to shut up ... calls her fat Bitch ... lies to her.... I handle tay fine but she runs all over her mom ....she got braces about 6 months ago ... I the step father paid for them 7k ... I decided to have them taken off ... I fell you disrespect my wife.. I cant stand you ... Sooooo I'm having the braces taken off

Don't be so hard on yourself. Having been able to carry on like you have is very impressive. I don't have great relationships with my SS18 and SD12. I don't pretend to like them, but I don't let on that I hate them either. My home is strained that's for sure though. Sounds like you've gone the distance and I think you can keep going. Like many on here have said, set expectations for him when he turns 18 and is out of high school. Maybe if he knows it's "shape up or ship out", he'll have things together to further his education and be a good young adult. It may also help to come clean to DH. It may be hard to bring up and discuss and he may be hurt by it, but if he values how you feel and your marriage, he should at least be able to have conversations about it. I wish you the best.

When it comes to difficult Skids sometimes you have to fake it until you feel it regarding learning to like or love them.

I struggled a bit early in my relationship with my bride regarding her son. SS was 15mos old when we met. He was a very cute mellow kid but I had what I would refer to as a mammalian aversion to his presence in my domain. Kind of like an animal planet documentary on lions that shows the males eliminate the cubs of their predecessors I suppose. I never abused, hurt or otherwise ill-treated him but I had an almost visceral reaction to him occasionally in the early days.

We married a week before SS turned 2yo. I became his dad. I took the actions of being a loving and involved dad and in fairly short order I loved that kid. He is nearly 22 and doing great in the USAF. I AM his dad. He is MY son. His mom and I are very proud of him.

I can not imagine my life without the great experience of raising him with his mom and the three of us being a family. There would be something important missing if he was not who he is and if we (the three of us) had not traveled the adventure we have over the past 20 years.

I have never shared with my bride the struggles I had with the presence of SS in the early parts of our relationship. I faked it and more importantly I took the actions and behaviors of caring for and loving the kid and eventually ..... I did.

Good luck.

My skid is such a huge hassle, constant complaint about everything, money and energy sucking, I am in the same boat you are. I can't tell my DH. I feel no one else would understand. It's like my dirty little secret. I'm functional as far as helping them with home work, cooking, etc but my heart is just NOT in it any more. I have gotten my teeth kicked in SO much, it's hard to recover from. All I can say is good luck.

I don't think you should feel like a horrible monster but, I do think you should not be with someone who has kids. Parents will always and should always put their children first. I feel that you will not tell your spouse your feelings because you fear that this person will want a divorce. I'll assume you've run through scenarios in your head. Obviously, being a parent is a selfless act, and a step parent is even more so. Your wants will always be on the back burner like any other parent. Imagine how you would feel if you grew up with a step parent like yourself? Kids don't ask to be put in the situations they are in. I grew up with a step parent who pretended to care about me around my mom and when she wasn't there, the true colors came out. It was a nightmare for me and I'd cry constantly.  As awful as it feels dreading your step kids coming into your home, imagine how they feel. What teenager isn't lazy? Hormones and moodswings were the worst. Don't you remember being angry about everything at that age? Or how tough highschool is, how much bullying goes on, and the pressure to go to college? Kids are a product of their environment and maybe if there isn't established roles and rules in the shared homes then the kid will do what they are used to doing. It's also tough on kids to be juggled between homes, and having to share their parent with another person. I vowed to be the best step parent I could be after being with a step parent who couldn't stand me. I saw how it was as a child and make sure that my step child always has love and alone time with his parent. I'm not perfect and really am trying not to judge. I'm really trying to convey to imagine being a child and having a literal stranger enter your parents life at somepoint and for that person to really not care about you.

This is horrible, I feel for you as I am going through alot of the same.