Still learning
Fiancé and I have been together for 2 years (feels like way longer) getting married in 7 months. SD turns 11 in a few weeks and the three of us have lived together for a year. BM hasn't been around since she was 2. Even though it feels like we've been together for longer, I feel like I'm still trying to grasp this parenting thing every day. I've already taken on the "mom" role and I want to do it but it doesn't feel like it comes naturally to me. People who know us praise me for what I'm doing because I help provide, I help plan things for her and family things, I cook, I discipline.. however, I feel like I'm sort of acting in a way. One thing I always think about is that I'm CONSTANTLY on her butt about things.. is this what parenting feels like??? Maybe I'm just too uptight and need to chill a bit, I'm not sure. I've always just been a strong believer that consistency and routine is important for kids and, to be honest, she didn't have much structure at all when I came along.. just any thoughts or advice would be appreciated!
That's exactly what parenting
That's exactly what parenting feels like! Kids test boundaries, step parent or not. Consistancy and routine is important, you are on the right track
Totally agree
You start to wonder if tween dementia is setting in sometimes with the amount of direction and reminding that has to happen. There is a rare kid who doesn't go through this but it's pretty typical. And feeling like you're on duty 24/7? That's parenting. Well, that's real parenting. Most of us are on here because one or both biological parents don't want to do the parent part of that title.
Where is fiance?
He should be primary parent. Taking on primary parent role wrt stepkids has all types of issues. You have no legal rights. SD can decide years from now she wants nothing to do withyou.
Thanks for the info but that
Thanks for the info but that's not what I'm worried about. We plan to go through the process of me legally adopting after we're married. I'm more just looking for parenting tips, as someone who went from 0 parenting skills to basically having a daughter in such a short amount of time. Thanks for your input though.
Please wait longer before you
Please wait longer before you consider adoption.
We def will do it when the
We def will do it when the time is right!! Just a future plan. I know most judges like you to be married at least a year before proceeding with adoption in cases like ours
You must be careful
BM can start seeing her.at anytime. You never know. If you try adopting it may poke the BM. She has to agree to it.
I do know that and the "what
I do know that and the "what if" has definitely crossed my mind! However, her mom abandoned her when she was 2.. it's been almost a decade of no contact. Father in law even ran into her at a hospital a few months ago and she saw him and ran the other way. I feel confident once we go through the court process things will go our way. We have so many witnesses and documentation,it's crazy.
If you can officially and
If you can officially and legally establish abandonment by bm, then she won't have a leg to stand on. But do that before starting the adoption process just in case it stirs her into a reaction. Look into what it takes in your state for the abandonment to become official.
Exactly! And yes that's the
Exactly! And yes that's the plan. Not sure when yet, we don't want to rush things.
No parent every feels they
No parent every feels they are doing things exactly right. If they claim they are they are lying. Then ontop of it you're a not the childs biological parent which means you have different ideas coming from every side. Even here you'll get told if you're not her mother and you're not her parent. You'll get told do this and do that.
Heres what really matters. Are you and your family happy? Sure it might be a work in progress but see above, no one knows what they are doing ever.
Every time I think I know whats happening I turn around and it's changed because we're dealing with people.